Your favourite news headline of the day

Started by Mark Hoffmann, August 01, 2020, 08:14:35 AM

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Mark Hoffmann

From the BBC:

Bognor Regis man charged over major Twitter hack

Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Jo Bannister

Well, that puts it in proportion, doesn't it?

My old editor used to giggle about a headline from a local paper in a one-horse town in Ireland in the early years of the 20th century - which is about as close to being nowhere as makes any difference.  Splashed across the front page was the banner:

The Skibbereen Eagle has its eye on Russia

Mark Hoffmann

Original headline:
Ningaloo Reef: Second woman injured by whale at Australia tourist hotspot

Mark's headline:
Snorkelling Shiela, who stupidly got between a humpback and its calf, not injured when the whale did not attack.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Mark Hoffmann

Today I'm posting my least favourite headline. Note, this is not about handing them in for rehoming, this is about abandoning pets because they are suddenly (sometimes after many years) inconvenient.

Why the French are 'European champions' at abandoning pets

Between 100,000 and 200,000 pets are abandoned in France each year ... the figure is close to 16,000 in the UK.

Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Spell Chick

My husband can be inconvenient. My kids sure were in their teen years. I did not abandon them. And LC stayed with me until SHE left over the rainbow bridge. She was so depressed when I walked out of the room, I can't even imagine how she would have been if I had locked her out of my life.
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Mark Hoffmann

The millions being made from cardboard theft

"To be honest, most of us don't care who takes it away, as long as it goes," says a shopkeeper in the bustling Chamartin district of central Madrid.

Behind him stand two of the Spanish capital's well-known blue municipal recycling bins, which until February of this year had been raided daily by one of the city's numerous recycled cardboard trafficking gangs.

The Spanish police released photographs of the alleged criminals climbing in and out of recycling bins
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Jo Bannister

Cardboard traffickers?  I'm sorry, but I think they'll be left holding the coats when drug barons and people smugglers meet.

Mark Hoffmann

Makes you wonder about the mules employed to get the cardboard through customs.  :-\
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Gyppo

My eldest will be delighted to hear about this.   She often teases me about the number of emptied and carefully flattened boxes I have stashed away in hidden corners.  Alma and I make models from them, or use them as play houses, or 'dens' in the garden.etc.  But I will, reluctantly, admit the supply is slowly and inexorable outstripping the need.

I have an occasional purge on green bin recycling day, which probably makes the bin men think someone else has recently moved in with me.

Now she will be able to tell people her dad is a secret cardboard trafficker, which does sound a bit more interesting than being a mere hoarder.

Gyppo

Spell Chick

Where is WB when you need her? Doesn't she work in the legal, legitimate cardboard world? Can you imagine being boss of the cardboard cartel? Wouldn't that be fun? I deal in cardboard.

Just as an aside: What in the hell do you do with stolen carloads of cardboard?
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Dansinger

My cats usually get to play with any cardboard boxes that enter the house. Saves me the trouble of flattening them and/or taking them apart before I take them to the recycling container. And the cats have hours of fun, too.
Daan Katz, Author - Where the Magic Happens
Join my facebook group Daan's Magical Worlds

Mark Hoffmann

Crossbow death: Man in court on fraud charges

The cops are not as well educated in law as they used to be. Or maybe William Tell has been lying to us all these years.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Jo Bannister

One from the archives: Commander-in-Chief flies back to Front

Mark Hoffmann

China restaurant apologises for weighing customers

I thought that maybe their chairs were not designed for fat Western asrses. But no ...

QuoteThe beef restaurant in the city of Changsha placed two large scales at its entrance this week.

It then asked diners to enter their measurements into an app that would then suggest menu items accordingly.

I guess the suggestions be something like: Extra dumplings for you, big-boy.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Spell Chick

Or else: Hey fatty, you get some birds' next soup and that's it.
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.