Your favourite news headline of the day

Started by Mark Hoffmann, August 01, 2020, 08:14:35 AM

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DGSquared

Right? I read headlines sometimes and wonder, what in the heck these people are consuming that eeks away at their sensibilities? At times it's downright hysterical. I fear for the future. Haha!
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

Spell Chick

Defendant attacks judge in Las Vegas during sentencing


The nincompoop was denied probation and so attacked the judge, who sustained injuries. I'm betting this did not help the felon get probation. Just a guess, though.
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

Can't blame the judge for being over-cautious though, can you?

Another Just a thought...  Aren't all those policemen in courtrooms meant to protect judges from just such attacks?  It's not as if accused persons are famous for being polite, even-tempered and law-abiding.

Gyppo

#528
Haven't seen any really good ones lately.  An old favourite from several years back was 'Police Chief promises to beat vandals.'  That's what I call 'hands on policing'.

How did they sneak the re-enablement of public flogging past the human rights lobby?  Was it tucked away in the acres of small print about cancelling the proposed High Speed Train links.

Jo Bannister

They did it during a temporary prorogation of parliament called so that ministers could take part in an alternative form of ordeal by television, involving fewer questions and more leeches. 

Gyppo

The televising of parliament was the biggest mistake the government ever made.  Partly because it reveals just how few of them are usually there, unless 'whipped in'.

Hansard kept an astonishingly accurate and sometimes merciless record of what went on before then, for anyone who needed to know, but television turned politics into entertainment.  Sometimes more entertaining than much so-called comedy.

All it needs now is an 'app' which would let viewers throw rotten fruit and other unpleasant substances at them.  Such an app could be marketed as 'Public Opinion'  ;-)

Spell Chick

Jo, the cops in the room jumped on the guy, pulled him off. No one had expected or seen some clown vault over a raised bench. When he launched himself, he also gained momentum. The judge smacked her head on the wall, but was deemed okay. She was back in court the next day, the felon refused to enter the court, she sentenced him to jail time, and new charges were being added which would likely increase in time in incarceration.
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

A case of horses and stable doors, yes?  If it's your job to protect someone, you watch the room.  You do not gather in a corner of it, trading opinions on the dating prospects of the shorthand writers.  (Yes, I have spent a lot of time in courtrooms!)

Gyppo

Whist I was in court a few years back - to give evidence - I will admit I gave quite a lot of thought - writer type thought - to the ways in which I could kill or seriously injure some of the other people there.

Very few of the physical obstacles would have been insurmountable to a determined man or woman.  To escape afterwards would have been the real difficulty.  The metal detector rules out most weapons, but a relative of the victim, wishing to snap the neck or crush the throat of a rapist for example, wouldn't be thinking about getting away.

Gyppo

Gyppo

'Woman stole cutlery set in court'. Our local paper.

Having been 'wanded' and  not allowed into court with my small 'goes everywhere with me' pocket knife, I am amazed that this miscreant managed to find a whole cutlery set 'in the court'.  (That's what the headline implies, even if it's not what it meant.)

I'm almost inclined to applaud her as a fine example of 'seizing the moment'.  After all, you don't get searched, or even merely 'wanded', on the way back out.

This has planted a small idea in my head, about weapons etc being in court as 'Exhibit X', and available for a desperate man/woman.

Gyppo


Spell Chick

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister


Gyppo

Maybe she was caught 'spooning' with the clerk?

Gyppo

#538
Found a gloriously visual 'headline moment' in the The Mail Online.  (Always a fine source of errors, and the most ludicrous speculation by writers with no real story to tell.)

Future Queen of Norway, Princess Ingrid Alexandra, 19, begins her military training and reveals she can already assemble and assault rifle.


That spurious 'd' completely changes the meaning and the whole image.

The thought of this young lady carefully assembling a military rife and then beating the crap out of it tickles me immensely.

"Go, Ingrid!  Hit it again.  Put the bloody boot in!"

Gyppo

PS:  Google translate offers this a translation, and I have to say it looks violent.

"Gå, Ingrid! Slå den igjen. Sett den blodige støvelen inn!"

===

Jo Bannister

Journalism is now essentially a graduate-entry career. Sadly, none of the lectures in those three years is subtitled: "If you put all the information in the headline, you're left with no story to tell."