How do you play The Unlikely Game?
The poster above you asks for something unlikely. You respond with a clever answer, then you ask for something unlikely.
I'll pick it up where we left off.
An unlikely thing to find in a public park.
Well behaved parents and their children, all playing nicely.
an unlikely reason to clip coupons
Because it's rather frowned upon to clip children's ears.
An unlikely thing to find in a 'poacher's pocket'.
A hunting or fishing license, lipstick, and a photograph of dear, old Nan.
Unlikely reason for poaching.
Because you believe that badger horn not only exists but is an aphrodisiac.
An unlikely thing to do with a runcible spoon.
Stab somebody to death for a CD
An unlikely reason to go to work with no pants
Because the police have taken away your clothesline as evidence since your wife used it to hang herself, and as a result you have no dry pants to wear.
An unusual reason for urinating.
Your worst enemy is on fire.
an unlikely flower to include in a bouquet
A Venus flytrap
An unlikely modern job for a Greek god. (The god can be anyone of your choice.)
Helios becomes an Uber driver exclusively for night owls who go to late concerts at the Apollo Theater where Apollo now works as a ticket taker. Whew!
An unlikely double billing or opening act on a ticket.
Hitler and Stalin opening for the Dalai Lama
an unlikely topic for a sermon in a megachurch
The evils of procreation.
Unlikely gift to receive at a baby shower.
a sniper rifle
you never get far enough away from the little critters to need more than a pistol
everyone knows that
an unlikely thing to do with a medieval shield
Regularly take it to sand dunes and snow covered hills so you can slide down on hot metal in Summer and cold metal in Winter. Weeeeee!
Unlikely thing to hear from a Valkyrie.
I can't stand all this macho bullshit in Valhalla.
Unusual book to find in the library at Valhalla. (There has to be library, just as there has to be some short dark-haired Valkyries.)
The King James Bible.
Unlikely premise for a reality show.
How long you can wait in the DMV without getting bored.
Unlikely urban legend
Trump saves the world! Through good will, he created peace and cooperation among all nations and peoples, reached agreements and set goals to achieve global sustainability and clean up, made college and healthcare available for everyone, and worked out a way to see global wealth more fairly distributed through the masses by firing all CEO's and higher ups who, have in the past, made millions of dollars off the backs of the people who did the hardest work,
He did so by signing an Executive Order for, "The Fair Percentage Act" where wages are more fairly scaled throughout every capitalist's business and company. He did all of this without a single word or tweet. He is praised with songs, and statues, and a temple was built in his name for his humanitarian efforts. An owner is not allowed to make more than 50% of his lowest paid employees.
He was issued a new pair of tiny gloves every day until the golfing 'incident' where the Vice President hit a hole in one right into Trump's mouth, resulting in Trump's untimely death. Pence was burned at the stake. There is a pair of tiny gloves in every state's history museum with the saying, "Small Hands Can Make Big Changes."
Wait! That's a fairy tale.
The urban legend is that Trump is secretly straightening things out behind the scenes but has to put on this act to keep his minions from rioting and the KKK from burning down the White House.
Unlikely super hero duo.
Me and my Dick.
Neither one of us looks all that good in tights and we have the combined strength of a teenage boy.
My superpower is grammatical correctness and my Dick's is the ability to speak understandably but with grammatical errors. We are a team.
unlikely thing to do with a bouquet of lilacs
Stuff a dead beloved pet with them.
Unlikely place to see your grandparents in public
A Justin Bieber concert
an unlikely way to travel to the pub
On a Pogo stick.
Unlikely reason for selling your Pogo stick.
So that you can buy a goat
Unlikely porno plot
A man with tiny hands attempts to digitally pleasure his lover to the cries of: "Have you started yet?" Eventually, the woman gets fed up with waiting and has the man arrested for impersonating a gonk without a licence. The man is tried, convicted, then melted down and made into a dildo ... and it is at this stage that he stands for office.
An unlikely thing to have on toast.
A ring of dancing porpoises, each with a mermaid riding on their back and playing a harp with one hand whilst combing her hair with the other.
An unlikely thing to sprinkle on your breakfast cereal.
fairy dust, mostly because it is just so difficult to come by
an unlikely way to submit a manuscript
Thrown through a publishers window wrapped around a grenade, with the pin pulled.
An unlikely way in which the police could identify the grenade thrower.
By the cute little pink bunnies painted on it.
An unlikely excuse not to go to work the next day.
You want to paint the outside of the office.
Unlikely deal to make with the Devil.
Anything in which I barter with my non-existent soul. Is the Devil really that dumb?
an unlikely name for a minor demon
Kick my ass
Unlike thing you will need for a hurricane
Vegan marshmallows, Dandies, as they're called over here. You'll need them so the vegetarian friends you invite to your hurricane campfire can enjoy s'mores with everyone else.
Unlikely reason to sleep in a tent.
Your pet porcupine and closest companion, Nigel, has a morbid fear of comfortable of bungalows.
An unlikely thing to do in a bungalow.
Install an upstairs toilet.
Unlikely thing to do with a hand grenade.
Put a glove on it.
An unlikely thing to do with the other glove.
Stick it in one ear so you don't blow out both eardrums when the grenade explodes.
Unlikely fix for a plumbing problem.
Pour cement into the incoming water supply to seal all the leaking pipes.
Unlikely use for your neighbour's stunningly attractive wife.
Put a bowl in her hand, cover her in plaster, then use her as a bird bath.
Unlikely use for a bird bath.
Punch bowl, especially for an older uncleaned birdbath.
unlikely reason to need a punch bowl.
To make a nest for baby birds
An unlikey name for a rapper
The Tuneful, Melodious and Coherent One.
Unlikely thing to take to the river bank with you whilst fishing.
A hamster (plus a recording of the theme tune from Tales of the River Bank)
An unlikely reason for knowing the names of any neighbourhoods in Japanese cities.
You have a troop of macaws trained to pickpocket. You name them after the towns you'll use them in so you can keep track of the most lucrative pick-pocketed cities.
Unlikely thing to find while pick-pocketing.
A wormhole to an alternative reality in which wombats are the dominant species.
An even more unlikely dominant species.
An unlikely reason for wombats and virtual turtles to be seen together.
A new Superhero movie where the wonbats and turtles are the heroes even tho they are not teenaged nor mutant and have no ninja skills whatsoever (their superpower is technologically based, hence the virtual).
an unlikely movie title for a chick flick romance film
Would You Like to Eat My Kitty
An unlikely reason the apocalypse started
To plot a new World dominating species of virtually inconceivable turtbats.
An unlikely reason why some people are able to conceive the inconceivable.
Nano-chips implanted by the government into the brains of the unimaginative in hopes of coming up with ways to make life more intolerable for normal people.
Unlikely reason to be normal.
Because you are a truly imaginative crazy person (possibly a writer?) who has learned to play the part of 'normal' so well in self defence that you have lost all your craziness and imagination. It's still there, locked in a dark recess of your mind, but you can no longer imagine its existence so it is sadly inaccessible to you for the remainder of your humdrum life. Just occasionally you may feel the loss without being sure what for, which has to be a bit of bummer.
An unusual use for the 'Bummer'.
Print it in comic sans and rub it against your inner thigh.
ASIDE: the use of comic sans is an office against humanity.
An unlikely justification for the use of comic sans.
Because the Devil made you do it whilst under the pernicious influence of a potent cocktail of Jeyes Fluid and pre-safety era Tippex correction fluid ingested on a Jacobs Cream Cracker with one corner broken off.
Unlikely cause of sexual ecstasy.
Tricky one! The world is full of weirdos so no matter what I dream up, someone is likely to get off on it. Nevertheless, I shall try to find something that only a few people will find irresistible.
To ride bareback on a tame wildebeest, while a man with a strong Mexican accent reads out Donald Trump's tweets (in real-time) in the style of Gregorian chants.
If you found yourself becoming tumescent/moist at the image ... keep it to yourself.
An unlikely reason for laxative abuse.
I was going to say brushing your earlobes with cockroach legs, but Mark beat me to it :)
To Mark's unlikely: to generate multi-hued and textured paints for organic artworks
An unlikely reason for ironing teatowels.
Quote from: Amie on September 13, 2018, 12:36:25 PM
I was going to say brushing your earlobes with cockroach legs ...
I for one find that very erotic.
Quote from: Amie on September 13, 2018, 12:36:25 PM
An unlikely reason for ironing teatowels.
You need to let off a bit of steam.
An unlikely way to dry dishes.
Waft farts over them in an endless stream until they are bone dry. (Mark probably found that erotic, too.)
an unlikely quote attributed to Mark Twain
Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn were irritating little shits, based on two real life brats I would have gladly drowned in The Mississippi if I thought I could have got away with it. Instead I turned them into a legend which will haunt me forever.
A truly unlikely flavour of ice cream.
Pork and wild rice
Unlikely reason to be arrested
Posting non sequiters on a writers' forum.
An unusual way to be secured by a police officer who has misplaced his/her handcuffs.
He places his seagull on your head with the tips of its wings covering your eyes and plays the bagpipes so that you get confused about which way is North.
An unlikelier instrument than bagpipes.
Shoehorns. Shoes that are actually horns. Each shoe produces its own unique sound. Boots give a low bassoon tone and sandals sound like high pitched kazoos. Both are hard on the ears. :D
An unlikely use for a comb.
Used by a slaphead to create furrows on his pate.
An unlikely reason to evacuate.
You'll take any opportunity you can find to talk with men in uniform.
Unlikely reason to wear a uniform.
You are in charge of the pencils.
Unlikely reason to discard a uniform.
They took your pencil privileges away and put you in charge of pens. The pens leaked in your breast pocket, then your co-workers started calling you an inky-boob. You couldn't handle the ridicule and decided to go to work for a singing telegram service as wolf in sheep's clothing.
An unlikely song for singing telegram.
The Point of No Return from Phantom of the Opera, especially sung when the telegram demands a reply.
unlikely companion for the Tin Man from Wizard of Oz
Tourist's Guide to Merthyr Tydfil
Unlikely reason for shampooing your cat
It's more of an adrenaline sport than shampooing your dog, who actually seems to enjoy bathtime. Real masochists perform the act naked in order to collect the maximum possible number of scratches.
Unlikely treatment for cat scratches.
Lemon juice and salt.
Unlikely toast to give at a wedding.
Ladies, gentlemen, friends, Romans, old women who smell like a stale cabbage that has been rinsed in lavender, please raise your glasses for ... [cough] ... the sommelier.
An unlikely way to get out of going to a friend's wedding.
Shoot and kill the friend's intended partner.
An unlikely consequence of the above shooting.
Congratulatory accolades on your skilled marksmanship along with a trophy and blue ribbon.
unlikely shape for a trophy
The shape of mist or fog. Though I have no idea. . .
Unlikely reason to win a trophy of mist or fog.
Winning the regional finals for producing visible farts (subcategory, cool & odourless). You also came second in Warm, & Minty but only got a rosette for that.
An unlikely thing to come in mint flavour.
Onions and/or mango.
Unlikely use for a mango pits.
Artificial testicles for men who prefer 3 to 2.
An unlikely thing to find in a zoo.
A pen big enough to allow captive animals the freedom they have in the wild.
An unlikely place to grow a garden.
Ground up and sold as an aphrodisiac
unlikely use for a feathered cap
To tickle a Dutchman's fancy.
Unlikely reason to study for the priesthood.
You love bland wafers and wine.
Unlikely reason to wear a cape.
You consider sleeves the work of the devil and refuse to have anything to do with them.
An unlikely material used to make a cape.
Another unlikely use for a tumbleweed.
As the base for a skyscraper.
unlikely place to find a skyscraper
On an iceberg.
Unlikely thing to do on, or with an iceberg.
Cut a hole in the ice and put a ring of peas around the edge of the hole. Hide behind a large snowball and wait. When a polar bear comes up for a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the ice hole.
An unlikely way to dry off a very wet polar bear.
An unlikely ending to a Mills and Boone romance
Everyone gets naked, runs around, and enters into a rap battle
Unlike Valentine's Day present
Quote from: Noizchild on September 17, 2018, 02:56:13 AM
Everyone gets naked, runs around, and enters into a rap battle
Unlike Valentine's Day present
A break up notification via text message. I would unlike that very much.
An unlikely first date.
Minus one (-1) of October, or any month comes to that. Have you ever noticed that numerically all months are disgustingly positive? I suspect it's never crossed your mind, even those of you who deal regularly with minus numbers.
An unlikely thing to say your bride or groom when you reach the "Do you take this..."
part of the ceremony.
"Do you get wafers with it?"
An unlikely reason for needing wafers.
You're all out of noodles.
An unlikely thing to do with your noodle.
Knit a scarf.
An unlikely place to wear a scarf.
A a nudist colony.
Unlikely reason to take your entire family to a nudist colony.
To avoid doing any laundry for the entire summer holidays.
Unlikely thing to find inside a fortune cookie.
A fortune in cash.
Mine isn't very original and I like the concept, so...
Unlikely fortune foretold in a fortune cookie.
This is a cookie and has no influence, knowledge, or care for the future. Your winning lottery numbers are a crapshoot.
an unlikely place to find an unopened fortune cookie
On the outstretched palm of a Norse mythological bid, moments after he has been called into life by a random incantation from a Voodoo princess.
An unlikely place to pick up a gigolo
an unlikely thing to make paper out of
(feel free to fix that grammar)
Quote from: Spell Chick on September 17, 2018, 03:08:55 PM
an unlikely thing to make paper out of
(feel free to fix that grammar)
an unlikely thing out of which to make paper - coz we all speak like that.
animal skin. :-\
An unlikely way to get your own way.
Pout and whine and give the other person the silent treatment
(Wait, that seems to work for some people...)
Ummm... send off box tops? Hire a goat to act as your intermediary? Pray to the goat-god for delivery of your own way? Send a telegram to the hamster wheel at the centre of the earth?
Unlikely way to tone your tummy
Clasp a peanut between your bottom cheeks for 22 hours a day. Unlikely but it works!
An unlikely thing to do with a second-hand peanut.
Unlikely reason to close school
Because they are all out of the non-sequitur.
An unlikely reason to be unreasonable.
When everything is going your way on a great day
An unlikely reason to go to court
To play marbles with the Prince of Wales.
An unlikely reason for wearing a wig.
You're going back to your hometown and you don't want to be recognized by anyone in your dysfunctional family, still living there.
An unlikely excuse for avoiding your family.
They fawn over you and deluge you with presents for which you have no real use and must donate to charity which takes just so much damn time.
an unlikely place perform a ballet
In the Antarctic, alone, on an ice burg, for an audience of narwhals and polar bears.
Unlikely reason to want to work at Sea World.
You are terrified of water and all aquatic life, but wish to conquer your phobia using the 'total immersion' technique. (This may not end well.)
An unlikely result of the above experiment.
You summoned Russia
Unlikely country band name
City Boys with a Pimped Out Cadillac.
Unlikely thing to wear when being introduced to the Queen of England.
For women, a thong and push up bra, complete with a sandal on one foot, and a white sock on the other.
For men, a jock strap and a push up bra, complete with a boot on one foot, and thigh high, fishnet pantyhose on the other.
Unlikely advertisement for a chance to win a trip to meet the Queen of England.
Running around naked in an old folks' home.
Unlikely celebrity couple.
U and W
Unlikely way to express exasperation with others.
Hugging them until they smile
Unlikely dance craze
The Frotter Trotter
An unlikely excuse for not dancing at a party.
You feel unusually awkward, and can't wait to share that awkwardness with a room full of strangers, especially if you're on a date with someone you really want to impress.
Unlikely thing to do to impress on a first date.
Send them a photograph of your genitals. Yes, yes, I'm fully aware that this is not at all unusual these days, but back in the days when I went on dates it would have been considered an unlikely thing to do. So it counts!
An unlikely thing to do to impress your first date's mum/mom/mam.
Give her a giant kiss on the lips
Unlikely way to seduce your partner's mother
Why in the Hell would anyone want to do that? Okay, I'll go with it.
Tell her you want to make another child just like her. ???
Aside from seducing your partner/s parents being one of the options, unlikely premise for a sitcom.
A group of friends share a flat and absolutely nothing happens worth laughing about.
(Oh sorry, it's already been done. My lady friend of a few years back used to religiously watch Friends so I saw several episodes of it. I must have sat and watched five or six episodes before I even realised it was supposed to be a comedy. I once wondered about having open eyeballs tattooed on my eyelids so I could sleep through it without giving offence.)
You want a genuine unlikely suggestion for a programme?
A contrary and sometimes crotchety old man lives alone except for a television set in a corner of his bungalow. The TV is still in the delivery box and he tells any visitors that it doesn't work. The plug has been cut off the cable. The humour comes from his visitors reactions to the silent presence in the corner, to such an extent that the dormant TV eventually develops more personality than most sit-com characters.
His own daughters just throw a blanket over the box whenever they visit thus blanking out the sometimes malignant presence. His Grandaughter can't understand this, just as she doesn't understand the absence of bloody Alexa or any other 'helpful digital companion'l, which in itself causes much amusement.
This could be budget TV at it's best and most efficient. A single unchanging setting and props,with a small cast who work well together without needing thinly veiled sexual innuendo. The biggest plus? It could never be mistaken for so-called 'Reality TV'.
A second setting could be the garden, again largely unchanging, where the Grandaughter regularly builds a 'den' with a stool and some folded cardboard for a roof and the Grandad goes out and sits on a chair to tell her wonderful and colourful stories.
But who the hell would believe that could still be happening nearly twenty years into the 21st Century?
Actually, I believe that would make a lovely Netflix addition, Gyppo. They, Amazon, and Hulu are looking for original material. The reality TV is so sickening, I believe that people of our generations would embrace something wholesome and sweet for a change.
I dream of Gyppo with a sweet, long tale. Sung to the tune of, I dream of Jeannie with the Light, Brown Hair (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHSTjJ977jQ). Is that version three?
Your turn for the unlikely, my friend.
How about a bizarre programme in which a rather hirsute man develops a long hairy tail, like a monkey. This grows or shrinks according the frequency of his storytelling. A bit like Pinocchio's nose, but not linked to truth, just the plausibility and quality of the story.
Like a monkey he sometimes uses his tail to swing around amongst his beloved trees whilst making theatrical gestures with his other limbs,when words alone aren't enough, but occasionally ends up hanging and asking for help because hypertension has made him dizzy and confused his sense of direction. His Grandaughter is always there to rescue him, once she's finished laughing.
Not everyone sees these helpless moments because of his camouflaged jacket and trousers ;-)
How does he hide his long tail in more everyday situations? He coils it around his waist and people assume it's a beer gut, or just an old man's belly.
Unlikely reaction from a female who mistakes his hairy appendage for something else ?
"That reminds me, I have to go and light the first pig."
Unlikely way to spoil a date.
An unlikely thing to dream about.
Watching paint dry. That would be a nightmare. :)
An unlikely place for a romantic picnic.
In a large underground sewer.
Unlikely way to spoil the aforementioned romantic picnic in a sewer.
You forgot to invite the ants and flies.
Unlikely thing to do with the fly in your soup.
Teach it the backstroke.
An unlikely thing to do with the hair (curly) in your soup.
Floss your date's teeth with it.
Unlikely reason for your date to avoid flossing.
They hoard dental floss and turn it into chains and whips for the masochistic endeavors.
an unlikely place to find a cat of nine tails.
In an octopus's garden.
An unlikely place to hide your pet octopus.
In your *BEEP*
Unlikely item to put in a stew.
A big bore V8 engine.
An unlikely seasoning to add to your somewhat metallic stew.
a sprinkle of iron filings
an unlikely thing to attract with a magnet
Unlikely pick up line
Try on this single glass slipper (God alone knows where the other one is) and if it fits, you'll do I suppose.
An even more unlikely, material from which to construct footwear.
Sparkling rainbow hued be-dewed cobwebs, freshly gathered on a fine spring morning, Fairy Dust, and rusty six inch nails.
Highly unlikely place to to find the above mentioned material.
Valhalla in winter
an unlikely reason for Thor to throw a hammer at you
You said he was hot.
Unlikely place to dump a body.
parking lot of the local police
unlikely reason to buy some spaghetti
You intend to build the largest tower ever constructed solely out of spaghetti, marshmallows and sellotape.
The unlikely architect you got to draw up plans for your monstrosity.
Donald Trump. (Why not, he already owns one ugly great tower so he must know something about them.)
Unlikely result of you successfully building the spaghetti etc tower.
To invite the ponies to eat your shoes
Unlikely game show concept.
I floated this idea
to the suits at Channel 4.
Celebrity Suicide Bomber
one of those vacuous orange heads
with bouffant hair
and an overdrive mouth,
takes centre stage
outside a bus station in Slough.
and the twat's voted off
without me even having to waste
the price of a phone call.
The guys at C4 said,
"No, no, no.
It's a funky idea but it doesn't have legs."
Which made me think ...
Celebrity Landmine Victim?
Picture it ...
An unlikely TV cooking programme
An entire show dedicated to making canned soup.
Although, with the American viewing audience, this might actually fly.
an unlikely new flavor of canned soup
Chocolate, potato, and calliflower
Unlikely reason to become a doctor
Your surname is Mengele and you think Doctor Mengele has a nice ring to it.
An unlikely thing or person to have a nice ring.
A chicken on some Spanish farm who is madly in love with the retired fighting bull and gets a nose ring to be like her beloved.
an unlikely name for a Spanish chicken.
An unlikely job for Spaniard.
Dancing lesson for old people
Unlikely reason to start a riot
You're sick and tired of all of the peace, tolerance, and fairness in the world.
Unlikely excuse to give a patrol person to try to avoid getting a parking ticket.
I was shagging you mum and lost track of the time. BTW, can you lend me a tissue?
An unlikely timepiece.
an unlikely reason to need to know the time
It's the night of the full moon and you don't want to be late for your werewolf support group meeting at midnight.
An unlikely reason to throw a game you could easily win.
To repair "Behold the Man" paint in Spain.
Unlikely place to restore a painting
In a sandstorm.
Unlikely reason to want to be a member of the United States Supreme Court.
You are into Motown in a big way but have not really grasped the meaning of The Supremes.
An unlikely reason to say the words 'sugar pie honey bunch' to Vladamir Putin.
He's asked you how to impress Hillary Clinton, so you told him to call her by the same nickname Wild Willy calls her, 'sugar pie honey bunch'. Wink, wink.
Unlikely theme for a retirement party.
unlikely thing to do with toothpaste
Paint your porch swing with it or try to pass it off as a sweet treat to people with bad breath.
An unlikely thing to take to, or find at the beach.
Saint Lady Gaga.
Unlikely saying or verse to put on a T-shirt .
I am the Navy's Bitch
Unlikely cause to be martyred for.
The right to wear socks with sandals ... at fancy weddings.
An unlikely way for the martyrdom to happen.
being forced to watch reruns of Lost in Space until you die of boredom or insanity
unlikely use for a sunflower
Using two of them fashioned into a bra.
Unlikely place to find a bra.
In a horse store.
Unlikely art project for a toddler.
A recreation of the taj mahal made out of real marble blocks, even the smallest of which weighs more than a ton
an unlikely use for old coffee grounds
One that says,"Father" over the length of a man's penis.
Unlikely reason to enter art school.
Your parents insist you get a job in a high paying field and get the education to pursue it.
unlikely new name for a pinkish sort of color
An unlikely thing to paint shocking cliterroon
a chess board
an unlikely reason to play chess
To eat your friend afterwards
Unlikely place to go for a first date.
a murder scene replete with cops, coroners, and corpse
an unlikely thing to find in you daughter's bedroom
An unlikely reason for wearing a head torch.
The sun simply isn't bright enough and you need a bit more light crossing the meadow.
an unlikely thing to find in a meadow
An underground city
Unlikely place to hold a concert
Inside a concertina.
An unlikely way of tricking someone into giving you a lift home.
Hypnotize them into believing they are a rabbit, then attach a carrot to their antenna and tell them that in order to get the carrot, they must follow the sounds of the GPS directions on your mobile until you are home. Once delivered to your front door, give the man a carrot, and unless you're a sadist, release him from hypnosis.
An unlikely place to take your bunny.
to a dog fight
an unlikely material for making a basket
An unlikely place to get a pedicure.
At the offices of The Royal Association for the Abolition of Toes and Toe-related Accoutrements
An unlikely motto for the above association.
We chew, so you don't have to.
An unlikely new Winter Olympic sport.
The Starbucks dash!
Unlikely new coffee blend
The Substance over Style blend. It tastes great but does not have a fancy foreign name so will be of little interest to the tribes of egregious metrosexuals that clog up the coffee shops.
An unlikely way to get revenge on the mindless winkers who consider coffee in a plastic cup to be acceptable.
Manufacture biodegradable plastic cups that self destruct within ten minutes of hot liquid exposure. The process begins with a microscopic leak that creates the need to look at the bottom of the cup, then, completely disintegrates in the wanker's faces. This makes them winkers for sure. ;)
An unlikely name for a new car model.
The Bland Rover Faux by Four DUV (dimwit utility vehicle). If you are the kind of cretin who only drives in the city but thinks that having a 4X4 makes you look important, then this is the vehicle for you. Buy now and get a free pair of ridiculously expensive wellington boots and a wax jacket with the word TWAT on the back.
WARNING: Do not venture into the countryside because the sheep will eat your children!
An unlikely warning sign.
CAUTION: Holding you"re breathe mite be hazards to ur health.
Placed at the beach.
an unlikely scent for a candle
Rotting Corpse as a reminder that you are using animal products.
An unlikely use for beeswax.
Eye shadow. Instead of glue, I would think it would work if you were sleeping but trying to keep your eyes open to look alert for your boss. Especially if you're a bus driver.
An unlikely use for glue.
Cover the whole classroom
Unlikely reason to convert to a religion
Because someone of that religion explained it to you and it all made perfect sense. Disease and natural disaster were fine provided you knelt down and did a bit of mumbling.
An unlikely way to earn a living.
Sit on your arse and play word association games all day or try living off the land in the city.
Become a, 'crime scene savior and set up artist'. Paid by the actual guilty party, you go to a crime scene and set up some other idiot who is guilty of crimes against children, thereby getting the revenge or impassioned murderer off the suspect list, and putting pedophiles in jail, forever, where they belong. You must have scruples though. You only work for people who were just in the case of murdering someone else. ::) :o
Unlikely reason to frame someone.
You really, really wanted to take the blame yourself, but God came down from heaven and explained to you in words you could understand, why it was better if you allowed someone else to take credit for blowing up the convent/orphanage full of refugees from the Syrian catastrophe.
unlikely reason to put flowers in your hair
So the aliens can come and take your shoes.
Unlikely reason to start a war.
To bring peace to the planet
unlikely substance to find in your coffee cup
actually, they are just unlikely anything
unlikely destination for a cruise ship
The middle of the Sahara, or any inland desert.
Unlikely activity to have on a cruise ship.
A game based on who can stay sober the longest.
an unlikely drink to find on a cruise ship
Aphrodite, unless you are a realist.
an unlikely use for a paperclip
Unlikely excuse to forget your luggage.
The ponies ate your shoes
Unlikely thing to salute
Something that is not moving.
The Army: If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it.
An unlikely thing to cuddle.
an unlikely aftermath for kite flying
You turn into a butterfly and fly
Unlikely horror movie plot
Some evil creature from another dimension drugs the water supply of the USA and the citizens all go mental and vote in a total winker whose only objective is to destroy the World. A small gang of wine drinkers (not affected by the poisoned water) realise what is happening but are too pissed to do anything about it. To add mood the movie is shot in OrangeVision.
An unlikely romantic comedy plot.
A tall, handsome, smart, rich man falls in love with an ordinary woman and they marry and remain happy all their lives together, dying of old age after more than fifty years together.
an unlikely alien spaceship form
A banana - aerodynamically awkward.
An unlikely reason for an alien invasion.
They are writing a universal comedy based on human society. All they have so far is the title: You'll never guess what the forkwits did next!
An unlikely animal to rebel against human oppression.
Unlikely priest or rabbi
Martin Shkreli or Satan. I'm pretty sure they are related.
Unlikely reason to want to run/own a pharmaceutical company.
You are an altruist with no interest in financial gain and think that producing medicines will be beneficial to society.
An unlikely new pill.
An anti-money-grabbing-forkwit pill. Those who need it wouldn't want to take it and those who would be willing to take it, don't need it.
an unlikely way to make a million dollars (euros, francs, yen, etc.)
Become a poet.
An unlikely way to spend a million pounds sterling (euros, francs, yen, etc.)
Buying all of the air in the world
Unlikely death penalty method
To be forced to listen to music from the 1980s until you get so desperate that you choke yourself on your own shoulder pads.
An unlikely reason for having curly hair.
You used to have straight hair but put your finger in am electrical socket to get a charge out of life.
An unlikely reason to want to teach birds to talk.
To recite Bible verses to you when upset.
Unlikely phrase to use when upset.
Unlikely thing to request from a prostitute.
An unlikely thing to include on your resume.
your police record
an unlikely way to travel to the grocery store
Nursing home residents or for those in other places, care home residents.
an unlikely color to paint your unicorn for Halloween
Pink with unicorn
Unlikely cowboy song
unlikely rap lyrics
Raindrops on rappers
and whiskers on bitches
steel grey Uzis
for murdering snitches
and bright shiny bling
these are a few of my favourite things.
An unlikely job for an ex-rapper
Unlikely use for a pumpkin
Aplogies for all the edits to the rap lyrics. My brain would not leave it alone until it was perfect. I can't explain why.
Make a pie form it. Allegedly this happens, but as far as I'm concerned it is highly unlikely (and suspicious.)
An unlikely thing to get in the mail.
An acceptance for a book proposal.
Well, for me.
an unlikely use for pencil shavings
Gather them from school rooms until you have a barrel full, then glue them to a sheet and call it your Halloween costume. You can say your a graph-fight.
An unlikely response to give kids when they say, "Trick-or-treat."
Well hello there cheerful youngster. I'd be more than happy to give you a treat or perform a trick for you ... which would you prefer?
An unlikely adults-only version of trick or treat.
Stealing from all of Trump's properties and getting away with it.
Unlikely sexy costume
Peep-hole version of Welsh national costume.
(It is safe to follow the link it is not the sexy version.)
An unlikely reason for wearing a hat big enough to contain a small herd of sheep.
You're stopping an alien invasion
Unlikely thing to bob for.
an unlikely thing to do with a sled
Make a sequel to "Citizen Kane" focused on it alone for the same run time as the original movie
Unlikely Halloween treat.
A wizard gives you a one time spell that can turn a pumpkin into a nymphomaniac.
Really it is all in the mind and the pumpkin never actually changes, but provided you don't get caught on camera, the outcome is just as pleasurable. If you get caught in the act, the consequences can be grave and you may have your membership of the chess club rescinded.
An unlikely reaction to receiving a sextortion email.
Sending back a nudie pix with the caption "Who, me?" on it. thereby resolving the matter because ... who would hit that?
an unlikely way to carve a pumpkin
Dressed as Bo-peep, smoking a clay pipe, while soaking your bare feet in vinegar.
An unlikely way to dispose of feet flavoured vinegar.
Unlikely Halloween game.
Catchy-catch witchy-witch spanky broom-broom.
An unlikely talent to have but not make the most of.
The ability to fly
an unlikely reason to mow the lawn
Because Spot said a bunch of other men would be along to help out soon, so why not get the lawn AND the meadow done.
An unlikely reason to trim your bush.
Modeling contest. (Oh, wrong kind of bush there. Tee-hee.)
There are no unlikely fetishes as someone, somewhere, at some point in time has sexualized everything. But .. perhaps a need to have a cardboard cutout of your latest movie star dreamy person in the room and you ventriloquizing demeaning comments during a sexual encounter might seem a bit odd to your partner.
an unlikely person model for a have a cardboard cutout
Shit, I think my babel fish is broken! I'll take a punt and go for Nicola Sturgeon.
An unlikely fish name to have as a surname.
Unlikely Italian dish
Spaghetti Bollock Sneeze
An unlikely allergy.
To common sense, although something out there seems to be impeding it, it is not allergies.
an unlikely reason to get out of your chair
An annoying child said, "trick or treat" so you decided to show it the trick of you getting out of a chair.
An unlikely place to hear an echo.
SpudVisor - it's an Irish lager. Also SpudVisor Shite, which is the low alcohol version. Brewed by Anne Hose Her O'Bush.
An unlikely whisky.
Unlikely bar name
The King's Skidmark
An unlikely way to eat eggs.
with the shell still on
an unlikely method of doing laundry
In the mud with the hippos
Unlikely place for Jesus to come back.
an unlikely new savior
Unlikely prop for Halloween
unlikely new sport
Poetry on Ice.
An unlikely way to leave your lover. Please avoid the 50 ways already stated by Mr Simon.
Beam her up into space
Unlikely Thanksgiving meal.
Mud pies with acorns and a dog poop puree.
unlikely new percussion instrument
An unlikely new wind instrument.
The male anatomy
I like the smell of dead skunk
unlikely thing to do with roadkill
An unlikely thing to do with a traffic cone.
Turn it into a pinata.
Unlikely boogie man story
And on the Seventh Day, He rested, watching over the chaos and woe.
Cake, beer, and spaghetti
Unlikely Valentine's Day gifts
A baby hippo.
An unlikely way to wrap it.
Cling wrap, pink in color, with a beautiful red, white, and silver bow wrapped around the tail. The gift would then be placed upon a silver tray and set on the dining room table while the beloved is blindfolded before being brought into the room. I don't know if you have ever seen a hippo poop, but all this has to be accomplished in between Poop A and Poop B or there will be a huge mess. Plan accordingly.
unlikely use for waxed paper
Unlikely hostage demand
All the leftover Halloween candy
unlikely method for making tea
Stuffing filled socks into hot water and letting them soak.
Unlikely excuse to ban someone.
His mother was a elderberry and his father smelt of hamsters and he kept mixing his metaphones.
An unlikely part of your body to get tattooed.
Any of it. All of it.
unlikely name for a new motivational website
Get the guru richer
Unlikely way to end a war
Reasonable negotiation with all parties agreeing that killing off a bunch of people is a horrible way to go through life.
unlikely lunch menu item
Unlikely reason to start a band
You need a new knitting project.
An unlikely thing to do with a knitting needle.
use it as a replacement when your tennis racquet breaks
unlikely use for the strings of a broken tennis racquet
Crochet them into a prosthetic
cat's gut. gut for a cat. Sorry, no idea what a prosthetic cat is!
An unlikely reason for wearing a head torch.
To out shine the sun
Unlikely cause to raise money for.
You firmly believe that money should be held aloft.
An unlikely thing to keep in your attic.
Freshly laundered linens, clean clothing, and just baked pies.
unlikely thing to make from a box of tissues
A romantic gesture.
An unlikely life event that results in you changing career and becoming a jester.
Your daughter joins the circus
Unlikely baby name
Noizi Tamagotchi the third.
An unlikely reason for naming your sprog after yourself. My Grandfather and his brother both did it. When the lads grew up and Arthur and Sydney were down the pub with Arthur and Sydney it was very confusing.
Unlikely YouTube channel
Unlikely person to use emoticons :'(
unlikely person to frequently communicate with 90 year olds
A horny 20's something man
One that is exactly 90 degrees.
An unlikely way to remove kinks.
Moisten the kink, nearly choke over the word "moist," blow on the kink without giggling at the double entendre there, wait for the bend to soften out or become totally flaccid. Don't laugh.
unlikely reason to buy a box of raisins
Because Goldilocks told you that currants were too small, sultanas too big, but raisins were just the right size.
An unlikely meal to contain dried fruit.
An unlikely execution method
To be killed with kindness.
An unlikely reason for being kind.
You are stunned and amazed by the sagacity, wisdom, and erudite control of the language that President Trump demonstrates on a daily basis and you wish to spread the same goodwill as that noble personage.
unlikely thing to serve for today's dinner
Layered quinoa and jalapeno custard and trumpet of death and raspberry salsa served on a hobnob biscuit.
An unlikely place to find a mushroom hunter.
In your pants
Eau du skunk
unlikely meaning for covfefe
Trump is resigning
Unlikely Broadway musicals
The Horrors of WWI and the Spanish Flu Epidemic
unlikely song in the above musical
What's the matter with roadkill
Unlikely restaurant name
(hip, expensive, but shite)
An unlikely trick to teach a woman.
How to shut the hell up. Not that it hasn't been tried, but it has never been actually learned.
unlikely topic of conversation at a formal dinner
Whether or not formality serves any purpose in a modern society.
An unlikely thing to wear to a dance.
Your grandma's teeth.
The Seagul - main strip Jonathan Dare.
An unlikely cure for boredom.
Watching silent movies (without benefit of popcorn).
unlikely topping for popcorn
Spicy Thai tuna
Unlikely action film plot
Meryl Streep meets a kind, generous man (Jerry Seinfeld) and they fall in love while walking the Appalachian Trail.
unlikely thing to add to the turkey stuffing
Unlikely horror movie plot
A well-intentioned scientist decides to build the perfect human from spare body parts. However, due to the inexplicable shortage of organ donors, he realises it will take fifty years to get all the bits. So he makes his perfect human from a piece of horse shit, a tangerine and a dead ferret. The only human parts are a pair of tiny baby hands that he stumbles across at the delicatessen.
Being a scientist, he has no idea of the concept ' personality' so doesn't bother providing one for his creation. Instead, he provides the orange monster, for that is what it becomes, a money tree so that no matter what problems it has it can always buy itself out of trouble.
Will there be a happy ending? You'll have to watch the movie to find out, but it's forking unlikely!
An unlikely way to save money.
Buy all the sale items, filling your house with unneeded and totally useless items that were purchased cheaply.
unlikely method of storing your extra socks
Wear them and use a rotation system to keep them fresh, with the inner one moving to the outside every 3 weeks.
An unlikely explanation for 'that' smell.
Big Bird dying in a bath of cologne
Unlikely vampire story
Muffy the vampire-slayer slayer kills vampire slayers in an eponymous way. Then, in the epilogue, explains why he never uses dental floss.
An unlikely way to acquire new plot ideas for your novel of yet undetermined genre.
Take a 26 index cards and put a noun on each one, 26 more with a verb on each one, 26 with a place name on each one, 26 with a medical/psychological condition on each one and then pick one card from each pack and use that as the basis for your incredible story.
unlikely reason to have hundreds of index cards available.
Sticking them on yourself.
Unlikely Noir movie
The history of Welsh coalmines (AKA the dirty Taffy).
An unlikely way to get clean.
Stand in the toilet and splash around.
unlikely thing to do with old coffee grounds
Make them into clothes.
Unlikely Goldfrapp song
unlikely way to fix potatoes
With hammer and nails
A unlikely thing to do with a blank line.
Write on it in pink.
An unlikely way to get our own back on the mindless bureaucrats who dream up cobblers like subject access requests.
Shower them with emails, phone calls, messages, etc. Make sure they know they are in your thoughts at all hours by putting that human touch out there even if watered down by electronic means. The more emails and phone calls the better. Letting them know how much they mean to you is why they ran for public office in the first place. They love you and need your constant support, not just the love of whomever put them in a position of power in the first place.
unlikely person in power (other than the Orange One)
Gyppo. Too sensible. Too hairy.
An unlikely new hair style for Gyppo.
Afro with spikes dyed pink
Unlikely blues song
The, Happy Birthday song.
An unlikely reason for a benefit concert.
To save your career
Unlikely Christmas special
The leaders of the world's major religions do Bake Off ... for charity.
An unlikely way to take your sock off.
Using the flying monkeys
Unlikely thing to smoke
A fire extinguisher.
Unlikely use for a fire extinguisher.
Rub it against another fire extinguisher to create fire.
An unlikely way to put out a fire.
Scream into it.
Unlikely flying creature
A snail... unless you throw it, but that's not really flying.
Unlikely use for a snail.
Putting it up your *beep*
Unlikely comedy movie
Catholicism, the Reality.
Unlikely religious cult.
Cult of me
Unlikely romance novel
Joseph and Mary, the Honeymoon Years.
Unlikely thing to do on your honeymoon.
Unlikely place for a wedding.
In a chocolate igloo.
An unlikely way to beckon a waiter.
(That actually sounds awesome)
Pulling down their pants
Unlikely e-mail spam.
Quote from: Noizchild on December 15, 2018, 05:08:49 AM
Pulling down their pants
Ah! I see you have visited France.
Dear Victim. Please send me some peanuts. Love Filthy Spammer. PS. What's the story with this Trump bloke? He's making even filthy spammers look good!
An unlikely way to cook spam.
Pour water on your computer while emptying your SPAM folder.
An unlikely excuse for being, 'at fault' for rear-ending a vehicle with your father's car.
You were having an erotic fantasy about Trump and all was going well right up to the point your umbrella failed. Then, you had to close your eyes to prevent your lenses from being washed away.
An unlikely way to get a fat bloke down a chimney.
Unlikely boxing champion
An unlikely purpose to serve as an angel.
Lucifer needs a new wife.
Unlikely person to end up in hell.
Trump. He's simply too evil. If God really does exist he'll want to deal with Trump himself not palm him off on a horned minion with ingrowing hooves and bad breath.
An unlikely person to have hooves.
Unlikely person to be in Heaven
The Tin Man - because he doesn't have a heart.
Unlikely job to have in Heaven, other than shoveling peanuts.
Curator of the Museum of Masturbation and Panty Sniffing.
An unlikely museum to find in Texas.
The, Peace, Justice and Right to Live Fear Free Museum of Forever Retired NRA, Guns, and Ammunition.
Unlikely gift to give a gun-totin' Texan.
A book on peace
Unlikely Steven Segal movie
One in which the main protagonist (Jonathan) and his mates, visit a seaside resort, steal some chips from the kids, and shit on the pavement.
An unlikely job for a reindeer.
Mall security or TSA.
Unlikely defense mechanism for mall security reindeer.
Unlikely reason for a mass shooting
You got everything you wanted and more for Christmas, which left you nothing to live for.
An unlikely gift to get from your pet(s).
They couldn't even wrap it properly, but ...
an unlikely winter sport
Throwing the dictator into the icy plunge with cedar blocks
Putin. Because anyone who'd make such an accusation would get a novichok enema.
An unlikely way to avoid nerve agent.
Unlikely way to die
An unlikely thing to have on your crumpets.
Unlikely time traveler
An unlikely sidekick for Dr When
Patsy from Monty Python and the Holy Grail
God of Pinchaloaf. He cleans things up and doesn't leave you hanging. :o ::) ;D
Unlikely reason to return a gift.
It was exactly what you wanted but because you were naughty, you didn't feel worthy and returned it for cash that you intend to donate to your favorite politician.
An unlikely gift to give your child's teacher.
A framed photograph of your child. Like Miss doesn't see enough of the little brat.
An unlikely title for Trump's autobiography
They were gloves, but small gloves. Really small gloves. Really, really small gloves.
An unlikely person to write Trump's biography (I was going to say autobiography but that was too easy).
Gloria Steinem, because she admires Trump's feminist values.
An unlikely career move for Trump after he's done ruining America and wreaking havoc on the rest of the world.
Compassionate listener at the Samaritans.
An unlikely reason to think your neighbour would build a wall between your properties that he didn't need, didn't want and couldn't afford.
He didn't want to see your lovely flower garden as he suffers from petal envy.
Unlikely reason to avoid mowing your (city) lawn.
I killed it, I'll revive it.
Quote from: DGSquared on April 09, 2019, 06:40:44 AM
Unlikely reason to avoid mowing your (city) lawn.
The grazing animals you use to mow your city lawn prefer to eat rocks now.
An unlikely reason to resurrect the dead.
To get your money back from them.
Unlikey person to marry.
Unlikely reason to bring Jim Jefferies back to Comedy Central.
Canda took over.
Unlikely Tyler Perry movie.
The White Man's Journey.
Unlikely thing to experience on a white man's journey.
Unlikely cowboy song.
Homo on the Range
An unlikely place to find a pair of chaps.
On Chapstick. https://www.chapstick.com/ (https://www.chapstick.com/)
Unlikely excuse to miss Thanksgiving Dinner.
You put forward a strong argument that troughing vast amounts of food is no way to show thanks to anyone, except perhaps the manufacturers of antacid tablets.
An unlikely way to weigh yourself.
Jumping on pillows
Unlikely reason to take a second wife.
The first wife is too quiet; almost as if the pipe that connects her gigantic box of random, illogical, and inconsequnetial thoughts to her mouth has become blocked by a gigantic peanut.
An unlikely way to clear a gigantic peanut from a thought pipe.
Unlikely video game.
One with no video.
An unlikely way to hang a piece of art.
Unlikely reason to run away
Because your wheelchair stopped working.
Unlikely reason to return a gift.
Everyone wanted it.
Unlikely reason to quit driving.
You woke up one morning to find a massive thumb growing out of the top of your head and now you don't leave the house.
An unlikely use for the thumb.
Unlikely use for keys
Use them as inspiration for naming a string of tropical islands.
An unlikely way to stop your socks smelling.
Ship them to Canada.
Unlikely way to stop itching
Peel your skin off and replace it with rind.
An unlikely thing to do with spare skin.
Unlikely way to love a man
Hatefully or dead.
Unlikely reason to want to be a writer.
To get all the free chutney.
An unlikely thing to do on the morning you discover you have the ability to not sweat at will.
Go to the North Pole
Unlikely thing to do for a Klondike bar
Put a bandaid where it was bitten.
Unlikely think to say while robbing a bank.
Would you care for a mint?
An unlikely way to escape.
Through the toaster
Unlikely way to clean dishes.
With windshield wipers.
An unlikely place to pitch a tent.
Unlikely way to shave
Hanging upside down on monkey bars.
An unlikely reason to visit Mars.
To buy lingerie
Unlikely way to drive a bra
With a cockpit yoke.
An unlikely thing to do with a million dollars.
Set it on fire
Unlikely kids movie
An animated version of The Boondock Saints. Though for adult anime fans, it might be cool.
An unlikely ornament for your Christmas tree.
Unlikely baby name
A$$whole because while everyone checks for all of the fingers and toes on a newborn baby, no one bothers to see if it's a perfect asshole.
An unlikely place for a Christening.
Unlikely way to stop these games
Add webcams and play them with your Bavarian out.
An unlikely reason for typing with your eyes shut.
You're testing out the new Braille keys for the hard of hearing.
An unlikely excuse for missing work.
You are bored and really, really miss work.
An unlikely thing to wear around your neck.
A human head
A dental hygenist.
An unlikely thing to find in your mailbox.
Mail with your name and address on it rather than your neighbours'.
An unlikely excuse for a mailman (mail person?) to put letters through the wrong doors.
A three-foot-tall, one-legged, boutonniere fashion designer.
An unlikely place to wear a boutonniere.
Unlikely best picture
Any penis pic ever and any movie about penis pics. Just say, No."
An unlikely place to watch a movie.
Unlikely Valentine's Day gift
An unlikely song for a wedding.
"Enter the Gladiators"
An unlikely reason to visit the Coloseum in Rome.
Going to church
Pumpkin Pie Eaters of the Universe.
An unlikely place to need a signature.
Unlike children's game
Signing Noiz's ass.
An unlikely reason to get married.
To avoid signing Noiz's ass.
An unlikely reason to ascend in a hot-air balloon.
Because you ran out of bottled helium and hate paying for airfare.
An unlikely reason to obtain your pilot's license.
Because it's increasingly hard to park a coach-and-four in city centres.
An unlikely person to commemorate with a statue.
Unlikely video game power-up
with my thanks to google and Wikipedia ...
The ability to continue your quest without having to stop to change your socks. Sort of like virtual odour eaters.
An unlikely thing to say on discovering that your lover has one orange toe on each foot.
"You've had those in my sockets!" (If this seems incomprehensible, check the other threads.)
An unlikely title for a newly rediscovered painting by Caravaggio.
Judith Boffing Holofernes
An unlikely reason for the hunchback of Notre Dame to be walking backwards.
To avoid seeing himself in shop-windows, of course.
An unlikely new day of national celebration.
Atheists' Day ~ All the religious people calculate how much time they normally spend praying and instead, on atheists' day, they spend that same amount of time working in food banks, or homeless shelters, or visiting those in hospices, or helping at animal rescue centres.
And, of course, there's a foreskin amnesty.
Another unlikely amnesty.
A teddy bear
Unlikely divorce present
One last shag.
Other unlikely occasions to give a seabird as a gift.
Unlikey way to end a game
The players all take whistles from their pockets and blow them. The referee then removes his wig and false nose to reveal his true identity. The crowd signals its desire with either a thumbs up or a thumbs down. If it's thumbs down, the tip of the ref's actual nose is removed and fed to a waiting weasel.
An unlikely way to start a game.
Kicking your friend
Unlikely gambling game
Hide and Seek with your roommate's Sockets. The one with the most wins the ante and ante off. People can hedge bets on other players as well. Socket Seekers is the name of the game. ;D
Unlikely reason to forget to put an unlikely thing in this spot.
As you type you notice that you have no fingers and realise you are stumped.
An unlikely way to pick your nose if you have no fingers.
Quote from: Mark Hoffmann on January 24, 2020, 08:12:48 AM
As you type you notice that you have no fingers and realise you are stumped.
An unlikely way to pick your nose if you have no fingers.
That got a chuckle.
Quote from: Noizchild on January 25, 2020, 04:52:29 AM
An unlikely superpower.
The ability to charm caterpillars and get them to do your bidding. And I don't just mean attack your neighbour's cabbage patch, I mean something that could change the world like eating Trump as he sleeps, or wrapping Putin in a cacoon and dropping him in the Moskva, or stealing the pope's hat and wand, or sneaking into to Boris Johnson house and tidying his hair.
An unlikely new magic trick.
Making the GOP disappear for good.
Unlikely super hero.
An unlikely new type of transportation.
Giant swans. Use selective breeding to get bigger and bigger ones until they are large enough to carry a person, then ride them as you would a flying horse.
An unlikely downside to giant swans.
Too much feathers and no meat
Unlikely new burger
The Soup Burger and burger flavored ice cream.
An unlikely new use for an old drive-in-movie lot.
Pandemic breeding ground
Unlikely ice cream flavor
An unlikely car model name.
Self Publicity: The Strange Rover is one of only two types of vehicle that appear in my book The Severed hands of Oliver Olivovich.
An unlikely scent for a car deodoriser.
Used kitty litter.
An unlikely reason to want to learn to play the banjo.
Run away to the city.
Unlike reason to play Sims.
You love yourself.
An unlikely reason to become a sport's fan.
To win a bet with Lucifer
Unlikely dying words.
I'm going to live forever!
An unlikely reason for a celebration.
People are slowing down to let me get caught up on posting.
Unlikely reason to slow down.
Because Noiz wants us to. ;D
An unlikely reason to want to slow down.
We're all going to die
Unlikely stupid way to die.
Picking your nose so hard, you pull your brain out to the point of no return.
An unlikely toast to the new normal.
We formed a band on the roof.
Unlikely cure for all dieases
An unlikely way to avoid the year 2020.
Die on December 31st, 2019, after the fact.
An unlikely excuse to give for owning a pet in a pet-free living community.
The aliens are coming.
Unlikely wedding vow.
The actual one. What a load of cobblers that is. Let's just pick on one bit of utter drivel - death us do part. Imagine you love someone, I mean really love them, love them almost as much as you love your dog, why would you stop loving them when they die? Not possible is it.
An unlikely thing to say when eventually you open your eyes and see it all for what it is: fluff.
An unlikely response to the prior sentence.
Bite down on this.
An unlikely reason for needing stitches.
You're a human voodoo.
Unlikely way to spend quarantine.
Going around to pharmacies and stores licking door handles.
Un unlikely place to need a door handle.
On the door of the cage, we are going to put Trump in. No handle needed; just a lock.
An unlikely way to entice Trumpity into his new cage.
To go to Mars
Unlikely way to go back to reality
Suddenly stop writing poetry.
An unlikely reason to curse at a phlebotomist.
Heh! Have you been reading my manuscript before I've released it?!!!
QuotePhlebotomist ingests Jerusalem artichoke in Palestine, we hear. He scratched his head. Was a phlebotomist a stamp collector or a pervert? He could never remember. He'd give that question a miss.
You discover she's been selling your blood to a vampire and not giving you your cut.
An unlikely colour for blood.
Unlikely reason to get high.
You want something off the top shelf.
An unlikely thing to find on the top shelf.
The cure for Corona
Unlikely thing for Trump to have.
A stroke of genius.
Unlikely thing to do with a stroke of genius.
Slap the genius and tell him to keep his filthy hands off your nipples!
An unlikely person to have a Kindle.
Rainman because he doesn't play with fire. ::) :P ;D
An unlikely reason to want to run away from home and an unlikely method of transportation to do so.
Marry Drumpf and a flying fish
Unlikely reason to diet
Because you hate your own cooking.
An unlikely thing to hold for ransom.
An unlikely person to pay the ransom.
An unlikely reason to speed.
You need amphetamines now!
An unlikely reason to dawdle.
You are carrying ten wriggly kittens in two arms and one by one they keep getting away and you have to chase them down because loose kittens are a danger unto themselves.
An unlikely name for a new car model.
The Floored Mushtang
An unlikely excuse that an American might give for being unable to say the word coupé.
Because you guys spelled it wrong.
An unlikely motivation to want to win a spelling bee.
You want to make some spelling honey. You know it will take ages with just one spelling bee, but maybe you could make enough to fill one of those tiny pots you get at hotel breakfasts.
An unlikely thing to do with a tiny pot of honey.
It's not what I was looking for but found the Unlikely Game.
Wear it like a crown.
An unlikely thing to find with a wedding party.
A divorce decree with the bride's signature.
An unlikely next step for the Teflon Don, Trump.
Volunteer at a homeless shelter - without tipping the Press off first.
An unlikely story to lead a national newspaper's front page.
Donald Trump Confesses All Sins and Houses the Poor!
An unlikely thing to hear during a riot.
Someone say: I'm quite happy with my portable TV so I'm not going to break that shop window and steal a flat-screen home cinema.
An unlikely way to get home after a riot.
On a pogo stick.
An unlikely thing to see in the dentist's office.
The hygienist tucking into a deep-fried Mars bar.
An unlikely name for a new chocolate bar.
Cocoa Kabab Stick
An unlikely way to avoid doing any work.
You have too much money on you and it's weighing you down.
An unlikely sermon to preach to the masses.
Blessed are the sarcastic, because they shall inherit the last word.
An unlikely way to defeat sarcasm.
With lots of honey.
An unlikely thing to say to a queen.
"Is it going to reign today?"
An unlikely rallying-call for a revolutionary.
Red Rover, red rover, let your side come over.
An unlikely answer to give to the cop that just pulled you over when he asks, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
Well, it could be that I was doing thirty-one in a thirty zone. Or, maybe it's because I have a dead ho in the trunk. Either way, I'd quite like to use my get out of jail free card if that's ok with you, fatty.
An unlikely twist to the game Monopoly.
None of the players get so bored that they pretend to go to the loo and never come back.
An unlikely reason to decline a potentially life-saving jab in the midst of a global pandemic.
You are aroused by injections and don't want to leave an embarrassing damp patch on the stool. Thus you are forced to stay at home and inject heroin into that sore spot between your big toe and home toe on your left foot. The effects of the drug are a bit of a nuisance, but it's worth it for the thrill of the jab fetish.
An unlikely way to ice a muffin.
Throw it into a volcano cauldron while you jump behind with ice and a butter knife.
An unlikely way to die.
Right now? Of old age and general debility.
An unlikely last request.
Requesting assistance in accomplishing the one thing not crossed off the bucket list, pole dancing.
An unlikely thing to see hanging from a lamppost.
An Italian dictator. Why use a lamppost when a girder will do.
An unlikely thing to do in a clown-car.
An unlikely thing to find in a maternity ward?
A framed sampler saying "Celibacy leaves a lot to be desired".
An unlikely way to publicise the opening of Parliament.
"Gentlewomen and gentlemen, allow us to serve you as our equals. We have decided that we will not have any privileges above and beyond those of our constituents. We are pleased to announce the Equal Pay for Equal Work Act has passed into law and all things will be made fair."
An unlikely slogan for a political candidate.
"Vote for me - I need the money"
An unlikely wedding present
A donation in the newlywed's names to their favorite politician.
An unlikely perk for being a politician.
The freedom to drive geese across Westminster Bridge. (No, really. I don't think I imagined that.)
An unlikely reason for a Westminster politician to have a goose.
Unlikely, you say? Probably because he likes goose eggs.
The most likely reason is that he believes that having a goose will win him votes. The second most likely reason is that he's having an affair with it. The third most likely reason is that he's making a duvet one feather at a time.
An unlikely way to herd your goose.
With a hearing aid.
An unlikely thing for an audiologist to say
"I beg your pardon?"
An unlikely reason for sudden onset deafness.
You suddenly realize you've been a therapist too long and have a mental block that won't let you hear another single word.
Unlikely reason to forget which game you're playing.
Having a brain that works SO FAST it doesn't give your fingers time to catch up.
An unlikely reason to leave your brain to someone in your will.
You need the space in your skull for your collection of conkers.
An unlikely thing to be buried with. I know conkers in the skull set a high bar, but go for it.
Your living loved ones.
An unlikely excuse to give a judge in court for running a STOP sign.
I was asleep at the time.
An unlikely pillow.
An unlikely thing to find in the Pope's refrigerator.
An enormous beefsteak labelled "Friday lunch".
An unlikely form of exercise to help the pope keep fit.
Getting a part-time job as a condom machine installer.
An unlikely person in need of a condom.
An infant or your fourteen-toed, bearded Aunt Agnus from Pennsyltucky.
An unlikely place to give birth.
Through the ear.
An unlikely way to heat up a tin of soup.
Put it between your toes and hope for the best.
An unlikely thing to find in a classroom.
An unlikely way to get a tin of soup from between your toes after following some seriously questionable advice.
Hold said toes over a fire - tin drops if the toes don't drop first.
Unlikely reason for a friend to stay gone too long.
She really enjoys your company - no, really - and believes that absence makes the heart grow even fonder.
An unlikely place to go on holiday, and an unlikely reason to go there.
A trip to Syria to teach peace.
An unlikely way to reverse global warming.
Turn on all the air conditioners in the world and open all your doors and windows to let the cool air out.
Unlikely reason to let a thread die.
Rabid bullying from all the other threads
Unlikely reason for cancel culture to pick that certain thread.
Cancel culture is trying desperately to resurrect everything they canceled.
An unlikely thing to be resurrected.
The use of the word Murder as a boy's name - apparently quite popular in the early 19th century.
An unlikely newly-fashionable name for a girl.
apparently Elon Musk struck again.
an unlikely method for brewing coffee
Get a goat to swallow it. Then roast the goat. Oh wait - hasn't someone already thought of that?
An unlikely reason to buy a goat.
to use as a guard for your garden
unlikely thing to have planted in your backyard garden
A giant redwood. That would get the neighbours complaining to the council!
An(other) unlikely complaint to be received by a council.
'My neighbour is too quiet and polite. It makes me nervous.'
Unlikely reason why your neighbour is so quiet and peaceful.
He's met you a couple of times now, Gyppo, and decided he won't risk starting anything.
An unlikely thing to order from Amazon.
A six foot plus warrior woman with her left breast cut off so it doesn't foul the string on her longbow.
An unlikely follow up to placing this order.
receipt of a grenade launcher
an unlikely thing to launch with a grenade launcher
A small guinea-pig wearing a crash-helmet and flak-jacket and armed with a flame-thrower; the theory being that, if some small child gets in the way, it isn't necessarily the fault of the top brass, they can always blame it on the guinea-pig.
An unlikely explanation to a small child for the recent death of its guinea-pig.
The angels came and then the angles came and then the devils came and then the circles came and then the guinea pig was so confused by all this that she ran after the rolling, flying, flaming items until she got lost and forever lost her way back home.
an unlucky thing to find in the trunk of your car
A gagged, cable-tied, and badly mutilated packet of Cornflakes, because a dyslexic 'cereal killer' had mis-read the number plate of your similarly coloured car and dumped his latest victim in your vehicle before heading back into the supermarket to hunt Shreddies.
An unlikely explanation for finding a naked woman hiding in your fridge.
She is an Athabaskan touring GB and got terribly nostalgic
an unlikely new thing to be pickled
Chocolate caramel or your teetotaling great-grandmother who has never touched a drop of alcohol in her life.
An unlikely place to find said great-grandmother.
on/in the spinning cups ride at the county fair
an unlikely reason to purchase flyswatters en masse
To use as bookmarks in hugely oversized Bibles, bought in bulk as part of a ploy to make the congregation of your local church think they have all suddenly shrunken overnight to Pygmy proportions after reviling a local but harmless witch.
Unlikely reaction of said congregation when they first encounter the oversized volumes.
Docile and cheerful acceptance of the new normal, unlike any group since the invention of time.
unlikely reason to rescue a lawn chair from the local dump.
Something about its jaunty stance makes you think it's inhabited by the ghost of your late Uncle Percival. He always said, jovially, "I'll come back and haunt you" - and he liked spending time in the garden.
An unlikely garden feature
Charlie Dimmock, working hard but not flashing her cleavage at any passing camera.
Unlikely reaction of any passing camera crew.
AN unlikely excuse to turn down a portrait.
"It doesn't look like me." Most portraits that are rejected are disliked precisely because they look too much like the sitter, and fail to flatter his image of himself.
An unlikely new medium for an avant-garde artist to adopt. (Remember, elephant dung has already been taken.)
Belly button fluff and earwax, mixed and used to sculpt miniature holy caricatures.
(May not be new. Sounds like something Salvador Dali may well have experimented with.)
Unlikely reason why this 'new art' may be embraced by the Westboro Baptist extremists/
They believe that, as a form of human sacrifice but without the blood or legal consequences, these oddball icons have a particular religious significance. Why not? - they probably believe stranger things.
An unlikely decoration for the top of a Christmas tree
A complete stuffed Turkey, still hot and drpping from the oven.
An unlikely thing to find stuffed inside the aforementioned Turkey
The Ring of Power. (Traditionally, occult jewellery lost or thrown away turns up in a fish, but that wouldn't be very seasonal, would it?)
An unlikely thing to turn up in a fish.
A Volkswagen Beetle.
A highly unlikely driver of said Beetle.
John Lennon both because that would be a Beatle and because he is dead.
an unlike reason to sell your vintage Beetle
Routinely suffering a seizure whenever you shift from second to third gear.
Unlikely murder suspect in an adaptation of Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" set in outer space.
Elon Musk, because he's all alone in space when he realises he is now the only person left on Twitter.
Unlikley solution to Elon's solitude.
Donald Trump starts a social media platform and the two live happily ever after.
an unlikely name for Trump's new social media platform
Unlikey person to try and join the two of them.
The Dalai Lama.
Unlikely first tweet of Donald Trump in his return to Twitter.
I wonder, does anyone remember me?
Unlikley reponse to above.
@KimJungUn to the @realDonaldTrump
I wish we could be friends again.
Unlikely way to show friendliness
Crapping in someone's lunchbox ;-(
Unilikely response to the finding the mystery 'deposit'.
Is this some sort of Tofurkey stew?
Clinical name of unlikely condition of having an unbearable desire to follow a meal (or above-said stew) with a piece of Mini's Chocolate Pie from a famous movie staring Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer.