Still making it...

Started by Jo Bannister, November 04, 2020, 09:35:48 AM

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Jo Bannister

Una Petiz (some authorities spell it Ppetiz) was a Hungarian milk-maid who discovered a time- and cost-effective way of producing yoghurt on remote farms without electricity.  She sealed the freshly drawn milk in a sheepskin bag and attached it to her cow's bell collar before turning it back up the mountain.  The next day she had milk at one end of the cow and yoghurt at the other.  Una P(p)etizing can therefore describe the method, or the art of turning a problem into a solution.

ELECTRIC

Spell Chick

Concentric circles are nested one inside another. Electric circles are bouncing off in all directions making an absolute mess of everything.



DICTIONARY (something that would certainly help me in my quest to type correctly)
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

(It's the fingers, Chick - they have a mind of their own.)

From earliest childhood, Ricardo Tiona wanted to be an engine driver.  Nothing remarkable about that, of course - lots of little boys do. What set young Dic apart was his skill in choosing his parents, for the Tiona family were seriously wealthy.  (His great-grandfather had been a circus acrobat, his grandfather a ring-master, and his father had sold the land his circus stood on for development as a major hub airport.)  So what Dic got for his tenth birthday was not a model train set but a railway - the DicTionaRy.

ACROBAT

Gyppo

#1683
Acro-Bat.  An outstandingly agile Bat.  They're nimble little sods anyway, but occasionally there's one who, like Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, becomes obsessed with flying for its own sake rather than hunting food.

All Acro-Bats die of malnutrition eventually and just drop out of the sky.  But for a few brief days, having achieved a perfect power to weight ratio, they can perform manoeuvres which make a modern computer controlled jet fighter look like a sloth on Mogadon.

MOGADON

Jo Bannister

One of the mega-fauna that co-existed with the giant sloth, the mammoth, the woolly rhinoceros and the chalicothere.  They are known today from multiple skeletons found in a single French valley, having never to our knowledge crossed the watershed into any of the adjacent, equally suitable valleys.  It is surmised that the mogadon, while successful in its own immediate area, was simply too lazy to expand outwards, and preferred extinction to making the effort necessary to survive.  The mogadon thus bears a striking similarity to the modern human teenager.

EXTINCT

Gyppo

Ex-Stinked.  Phonetically, something which no longer smells.

"Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones."

PEDERAST

Spell Chick

A podiatrist who doesn't like to work very much


LAZINESS




 
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

The noun form in the irregular construction which runs: I am resting my eyes, you are dozing, he/she/it is a lazy bastard.

REGULARITY

Spell Chick

Gularity is a type of comedy whose heyday during the Borscht Belt era faded into moderate obscurity until it was revived, hence the Regularity of this now less-than-funny comedy.



COMEDY
Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

A form of entertainment that separates human beings from the advanced civilisations on all other planets.  They find it incomprehensible that one person sitting on a stage ("stand-up comedy") telling obvious lies littered with obscenities would make hundreds of other, apparently sane people laugh uncontrollably.  Hence the expression: Men are from Mars, comedians are from Earth.

UNIVERSAL

Gyppo

A belief - particularly amongst non-poets, and anti-poets - that all poems are essentially the same, and that one day some clever little algorithm will manage to create this Uni-Verse and thus prove that there is no longer any need for the 'poets' to carry on pretending they are individuals.  At this point they naively assume all poets will quietly pack their tents ands steal away into the night, never to blight human eyes and ears again.

This theory is cherished by 'poetry critics', who seem obsessed with the idea that real poetry is always 'concise'.

To these barbarians Longfellow's Song of Hiawatha and Tennyson's Charge of the Light Brigade must be an absolute torment, and the mini poem 'Parsley is ghastly' is nearly the pinnacle of poetical perfection, if it was only three words shorter ;-)

BITUMINOUS

Jo Bannister

Tuminous is the Roman god of stubbed toes.  "Bi Tuminous!" is therefore a potent Roman curse, often applied to cobblers who make open-toed sandals.

SANDAL

Gyppo

Al, the overlooked artisan, is the man who invented the practice of abrading wood by rubbing it with loose sand to smooth it down and reveal the often interesting grain pattern just below the surface.  (He would have killed for sandpaper as we know it.)

But sadly this great innovator is often overlooked, as the only reason many folks do this is to apply a coat of paint on top, thus hiding all their good/hard work.

Somewhere, in an unmarked grave, poor Al is probably spinning like a dynamo, abrading his bones even as we speak.

DYNAMO

Jo Bannister

Walter Omanyd, a Londoner of Iranian extraction, is the man who failed to invent the electric dynamo.  He almost got it right.  Unfortunately, when he attached his device to the wheels of his bicycle he fitted the commutator and brushes back to front, with the result that as he pedalled his head lit up and then shorted out.  The guy who improved on his design named it in Omanyd's honour.

EXTRACT



 

Gyppo

Jo:  Poor Omanyd. That was one of those unexpectedly visual moments.  That poor man, with his head lighting up.  Nearly spat coffee all over my monitor, and came close to spontaneous trouser irrigation.

EXTRACT.  The name for the pile of ashes left a ritual burning of religious tracts, or any otherwise banned and unpopular books.

One day, as the world turns inexorably, the pendulum will swing and there will be mass burning of ludicrously over-woke volumes.  Will I live long enough to see this, and perhaps even light the fire.  That's in the lap of the gods.

RESISTANCE