Still making it...

Started by Jo Bannister, November 04, 2020, 09:35:48 AM

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To induce revulsion in someone a second time with the same unpleasant object, activity, or story.


Jo Bannister

The Benedict Ion was discovered rather more quickly than the Higgs Boson, but it took a long time for its function to be understood.  It turns out that this charged particle is the prime catalyst in the human sense of humour.  People who like stand-up comedians have more than their fair share of receptors for the Benedict Ion; elocution teachers, on the whole, have very few.



Putting someone to death by strapping them down, taping headphones over their ears, and playing the music of ELO, Electric Light Orchestra, at high volume until their brain melts.

It works even for fans of the said group, as these will die from ecstasy.


Jo Bannister

A word invented by a highly competitive Scrabble enthusiast. 


Spell Chick

Enthue is a lispy way to indicate something that follows. Those lisp enchanted logicians are said to be enthusiastic in the practice of their belief system, enthusiasm.

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

When the key-stone of a doorway in a piece of classical architecture falls on your foot it may cause a mobility impediment.  If, more unusually, it lands on your tongue it will cause a speech impediment.


Spell Chick

When you hat is made from an empty Geritol bottle

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.


The ability to come up with solutions which often then have to wander around looking for problems which never existed prior to the invention of the solution.


Jo Bannister

The answer to an Irish puzzle.



A special lens used by the more demented Food Trades Inspectors, usually utterly joyless bastards who honestly believe every baker/chef is always trying to put one over on them, which allows them to see dirt or 'foreign bodies' in perfectly clean pans.



I remember one such inspector who wiped his hand across a metal topped table with a look of utter disgust and announced, "This table is filthy."

"No.  It's oily.  It's where we spray the bread tins to stop the bread sticking."

"But it's filthy."

"If you say so.  But its official food grade filth.  It's not as if we ever put dough directly onto the surface."

"How do I know that?"

"Because I've just told you."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?

"How do we know you're a genuine Food Trades Inspector.  You could just be some nutter with a clipboard who dropped by to cause trouble?"

"But I made an appointment first by phone."

"So you did.  If you really want to catch scummy bastards who work in filth why don't you make surprise inspections.  Decent bakers have nothing to hide, which is why we don't clean up especially for your visits."

He looked really pissed off for a few seconds at a mere worker telling him what he should be doing, then smiled.

We passed with flying colours, as always.


Jo Bannister

Joy Less was an optician.  In the window of her premises she had a sign reading, "See More With Less".  After several successful years, her business was badly affected by a competitor moving in across the street.  His slogan was, "Best prices in town.  Less is more."


Spell Chick

Down the street, another eyewear store opened with the name Optic Ian's Bargain Prices, Ian Snotwoggle, Proprietor. The print was so small to fit on the sign, that very few people who needed glasses could even find the place.

Imperfect Reason My thoughts, such as they are.

Jo Bannister

Forced out of the eye-wear business by her competitors, Ms Less opened a beauty parlour instead - facials, manicures, botox, hair etc.  As all her clients were women, she called it No Men Clature.



An unholy miss-match of two languages.  Sanskrit is Indian, and has been bobbing along nicely for centuries as the native language of millions

Then someone with mischief clearly on his devious mind came along and pointed out that Sans is French for 'without', so therefore the Indian language could be seen as being without 'krit'.

The jury of International Word Wranglers and Obscurers - a fine body of demented men and women - who believe any word without at least two meanings is just a lazy and unmotivated collection of letters, are still out on this one.

Should it be an 'in joke', a secret 'trade' insult for the poisonous outpourings of talentless literary critics, or, as 'folk etymology' hints, merely the excretory product of Krill?  But surely there must be other possibilities too, still hidden by the gathering darkness of 4-30 pm on a gloomy overcast day and the lure of another cup of coffee.


Jo Bannister

The Greek god Pan has always been associated with pipes, and ethereal fluting music, rather than banging away on a drum.  But a jan drum is a particularly delicate member of the percussion family, played with the fingertips rather than a stick, so Pan adopted it for days when the damp was playing havoc with his pipes.