Started by Dylan di Vilde, March 13, 2020, 01:38:39 PM

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Dylan di Vilde

You may be a sad poet loner
but you don't want to die of Corrona
so look out for yellowy glands
and constantly scour your hands,
ensure you've a hanky close by
and your alcohol content is high.
And if you are writing then please
take a bath before touching the keys -
a germ on your fat sweaty fingers
can carry a virus that lingers -
a sentence is all it requires
then it seeps down the internet wires
and then you'll unwittingly spread it
to every poor sod who has read it.
Use a pencil instead of a pen
and .....don't talk to any strange men.

And if you do have to endure it
then toilet paper can cure it.

I hope this is useful to you
and clarified what you must do
Read more of my poems in my new book - Rescued from Oblivion.  Available now at

Mark Hoffmann

I've figured out why shops have sold out of toilet paper and it's not because the public think it a magical cure.

It must be that most people only ever go to the loo at work!! They just keep one roll of paper at home for special occasions.

If they have to self isolate they'll have to go at home, so need to buy extra. No more clenching of cheeks all weekend and then spending most of Monday morning in the work toilet, they'll have to use their own facilities.

You mark my words, toilet brushes will be the next shortage!
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
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I had a toilet brush once, but it gave me a sore arse, so I went back to paper ;-)

Dylan di Vilde

You might have to go back to the toilet brush yet
Read more of my poems in my new book - Rescued from Oblivion.  Available now at