Warranty Forms.  (So easy.)

    Why does my heart sink and my blood pressure rise when I buy something new and there's a note with it telling me that to obtain the free one year warranty I can 'conveniently register your new product online'.

   I'm sure all those things are designed work like the traditional 'hostile' doctor's dragon/receptionist who sees it as her job to keep you away from the doctor.  Fortunately these dragons are a dying breed, which is just as well because some of them were immune to garlic and a brandished crucifix.  (In all fairness to the breed politeness and good manners from the patient side of the counter usually worked really well.)

   =====

   The web site to register my new vacuum cleaner had lots of pretty pictures to 'help you identify your machine'.  A bit like the idiot proof pictorial till at many famous fast food outlets.

   If you actually know what machine you have - and why the hell did you buy it if you don't? -  then stepping through all the options in order to enter it by clicking on the correct button is an infuriating and tediously slow dance.

   I can type six words, totalling twenty five letter, far faster than wandering through the labyrinth.

   If Theseus had needed to fight a system like this to reach and kill the Minotaur he would probably baited the entrance with a tied, scantily dressed, and screaming virgin, and waited for the beast to come out so he could kill it.  He could have avoided all that business with leaving a thread to guide his return.

   Once you reach the registration page  you them have to enter the serial number.  Like serial killers these numbers can be hard to find.  These days it's usually in ridiculously small print, on a label discretely tucked away out of sight, so it won't interfere with the aesthetic appearance of your machine.

   A twenty figure number.

   It really wouldn't hurt to print it loud and proud, easily visible.

   All these forms want your phone number.  Some have the decency to tell you up front this 'a required field'. Others wait until you try to submit the form and then pounce on you if you've had the temerity to leave it blank..

   If you don't want to be pestered with 'news' and 'special offers' you need to either tick, or un-tick the two little boxes.   I may be a crabby old recluse at times, but I truly see no need for an ongoing relationship with a firm once I've bought their damned product.  Does it not occur to their advertising twats  that offering me the latest toy when I've only recently purchased the previous model is almost like stalking?  I'm not a prey species.

   If, a few years down the line, I want a replacement I know where to find them

   Then they ask you to upload 'proof of purchase'. By this point I'm beginning to long for the simple days when they included a postcard so you could fill in the details by hand and drop it in the red box the next time you leave the house.

   Modern 'simplicity' and 'convenience' are so far removed from any dictionary definition of the words it's like comparing the near-mythical sub-atomic Higgs-Boson particle with something as substantial and tangible as a sausage roll.

   Okay, rant over.

   Gyppo

   

My local YMCA has had some trouble lately about people not signing up for classes and the overfilling the space and kicking out the people who did sign up.

So you now have to check it at the desk when you scan your card to get in the door. This for "ease and efficiency". It started today. I'm willing to bet there were no extra staff members to easily and efficiently sign anyone into the classes they signed up for.

Ease and efficiency are code words for "annoy the consumer".