rewrite of old desert poem

Started by indar9, March 23, 2018, 06:02:01 PM

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Back Country

Past the foot of Joshua Tree,
facing east:
Hell's Kitchen lies
marked by scatterings
of wiry creosote;
occasional shacks
inhabited by hard-bit
desert rats.

The flat-pan floor
stretches to the distance,
buttes and mountains sway
in rising shimmers.
Old Route 66 dances
on subtle undulations
that remind
this was the bottom of the ocean

and will be again
some day.

Time compresses and expands;
the sky rolls from the west;
is burned off by the sun;
salt water will follow.

What then crawls
from the mud?

Gino McWeeno

I Really like it.
You have somehow made me feel nostalgic for something I have never known.

Mark Hoffmann

I like it all bar "that remind". Can you use remind like that, don't you need to follow it with an  object?

Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
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