Author Topic: Not not going out  (Read 26740 times)

Mark Hoffmann

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Not not going out
« on: July 09, 2019, 08:20:22 AM »
Against my better judgement, I had agreed to forgo an agility training session with my dog Zak on Friday night and instead go to a pop/rock thing at the Lichfield Festival with Amanda. When she first broached it, I wasn't really listening (I listen through man-ears complete with a filtration system that cuts out spurious waffle) and so it came as somewhat of a surprise when, on the night, I discovered it was at the Cathedral. I was pretty sure that meant no bar.

The concert wasn't jazz (boo) but at least it wasn't a singer/songwriter I hated. And, she'd written some interesting lyrics, so I hardly moaned or sulked at all on the drive there. And later as we strolled from the carpark I even management NOT to mention that I'd rather be home with Zak. I was not happy, nor was I seriously unhappy. But, of course, at that point, I hadn't known that about thirty minutes later, I'd need a tissue.

As we rounded the corner into Cathedral Close, I spied tents. And, a sign mentioning Taittinger. Interesting. There were hundreds (probably) of people milling around the tents and drinking from plastic glasses. No way was I queuing to buy champagne in a plastic glass. Harrumph.

Inside, the Cathedral was magnificent. I don’t like to bother God with my own trivial inconveniences, but I can appreciate the architectural capabilities of those who do. The early-evening sun shining though the stained-glass windows was magnificent, and for a moment I forgot I was attending a pop/rock thing.

We were in row MM. And yes, that is as far back as it sounds. I slumped down into my plastic chair, saying a small prayer of thanks to a god I didn’t believe in that uncomfortable wooden pews were removable, and settled down to stare at the back of the head of the person in front for the next hour or so. I vaguely wondered if there might be ice cream in the interval.

Some bloke I couldn't see stood on stage and waffled a bit. Apparently, it was the opening day of the festival and he was very excited. I yawned. There was some polite clapping quickly followed by some enthusiastic clapping and cheering as the singer came on stage. From what I could see of her, which was from her fringe up, she looked like she had nice, shiny, black hair. She spoke for a couple of minutes and I didn’t understand a word of it. It seemed a bit echoey (not surprising) and she was Scottish. Oh well, I stopped craning my neck to get a view of the top of her head and relaxed. Perhaps I could take a little nap.

Then the music started. Jesus H Christ the noise! I bent forward and rammed my thumbs into my ears. That helped a bit, but I could still hear. I pushed harder and the racket was just about barrable.  Soon (not soon enough) the first song was over and I elbowed Amanda in the ribs. "Do you have any tissues?" She did and one was soon ripped in half and stuffed in my ears.  That, combined with about 25 psi of thumb pressure was sufficient and I survived until the interval at which point I had to break the bad news to Amanda.

I braced myself for a robust discussion. "I'm not stopping," I said.

I stared at her and watched her lips moving in silence.

"What?" I said.

She reached over with both hands and pulled the scrunched-up tissue from my ears. "Nor me," she said. "The acoustics are dreadful."

I nodded eagerly. Yes, that was right, it was the acoustics that was the problem. The fact that I was a boring old fart was in no way a factor.

Back home I poured a glass of Merlot and as I drank, rubbed Zak behind the ears and told him all about it. He gave me a knowing look as if to say … well if you will go out without me, what do you expect!

If you like Bob the Alien he gets a good run out in my NaPoWriMo 2018. Download pdf here: http://www.scribblers-ring.co.uk/downloads/napowrimo_mhh_201804.pdf

DGSquared

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Re: Not not going out
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2019, 02:47:27 AM »
Not at all the story I was expecting. Bad acoustics can ruin a potentially great performance. At least Amanda is reasonable. Did you get a refund?
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Not not going out
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2019, 08:38:28 AM »
Nah. We are English and so don't make a fuss.  :)
If you like Bob the Alien he gets a good run out in my NaPoWriMo 2018. Download pdf here: http://www.scribblers-ring.co.uk/downloads/napowrimo_mhh_201804.pdf

DGSquared

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Re: Not not going out
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2019, 10:08:22 PM »
There are some in the US who would give that another name. :o :P ;D
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb