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Messages - Lin Treadgold

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31
Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: Would you read this?
« on: May 31, 2019, 10:24:25 AM »
Power and social standing are all that matters in Averan. Jack was born with neither, and what's worse is that he was born magicless with a horrifically cursed eye.

A lowly palace stable boy by day, Jack never than a fighter in the fighting rings of Averan's underworld and a petty thief. But by pure chance he find himself recruited into the Royal Guard and lands himself an opportunity of a lifetime to join the ranks of his kingdom's elite warriors.

But strange, dark magic is haunting the halls of Averan's royal palace, and as he begins his training, Jack starts seeing things others cannot. As he and his fellow recruits strive to make it to the top , the lines between friends and foes becomes unclear and Jack begins to uncover more and more of his forgotten past



I have to agree with Jo on this one.  Also you could do better by turning your sentences around and cutting out unnecessary words.
Could you change this?  magicless with a horrifically cursed eye.


How about this:  Power and social standing are everything to Jack, but in Averan, he has neither.  Born without magic powers, he is cursed.  ( you could add to this and say why, perhaps?)

The following words I would delete in the editing process:
and what's worse
thought he would be anything more
pure chance he find himself
strive to make it to the top
the lines between
begins to
more and more of

I suggest you find a more direct approach to what you mean, check out your thesaurus and see which words would fit best as an alternative.  Why use five words when one punchy one will improve the text.
Don't repeat words eg. more and more, but yet don't sound like you've swallowed the thesaurus.  Just find a more suitable word to say what you mean and what is comfortable for you. 

So yes, there are cliches but this is easily fixed. 

Keep going it's a matter of trial and error. 

Lin


 


32
The Coffee Table / Watch out for the birds
« on: April 28, 2019, 12:09:45 PM »
Sir Isaac Newton wondered why
an apple falls down from the sky.
All the crows on seeing this,
decided they would take the piss.
One by one they grabbed a stalk
and flew up high where men would walk,
and just before it was time for bed,
They dropped the apples on their head.
So next time you are out and about,
you need to watch and not to shout.
Don’t stare into your mobile phone
Because above, you’re not alone.
Don’t press the buttons to send a text
just remember you are next!
Lin Treadgold

I wrote this the other day when someone asked me about birds eating fruit. 

Lin

33
Writer's Talk / Re: Disappointed
« on: April 02, 2019, 01:07:20 PM »
Thanks Firefly, that sounds very positive.

Lin x

34
Writer's Talk / Re: Disappointed
« on: March 13, 2019, 10:11:57 AM »
That sounds very positive. I'm glad I brought up the subject, we must not allow this forum to become a bit of a dead donkey.  It has all the right people here trying to help those who need it.  In the meantime, please use Twitter to encourage others to join.  I will ask some of my RNA group if they will become members.  I am going to lunch with them today, so I will mention it.  I know at least two people who may, as published authors, be happy to join in and make this forum what it should be.  In my opinion we are there to help ourselves as well as the newbies.  We need more published authors I think.  I will put this on our Exeter Chapter Facebook page and see what transpires.

Lin


35
Writer's Talk / Re: Disappointed
« on: March 12, 2019, 04:02:42 PM »
I agree, I often feel I am trying to keep this forum going and support everyone here, but it sometimes feels like a struggle.

I think since we started here and on MWC so much has changed in technology.  With the advent of Facebook and Twitter, writers seem to spend more time discussing events and promotions on social media than visiting here. 

Perhaps we can promote here more as well.  But do we have enough published authors as members who have enough 'clout' to be able to critique and help the newbies etc.  We used to have a lot more I think.

I will do my best to encourage new members and perhaps that's the way forward.

Lin


Lin

36
Writer's Talk / Re: Disappointed
« on: March 09, 2019, 01:11:32 PM »
I feel the only way to get more writing related subjects flowing here is to encourage our members to write and ask more questions about writing.  Facebook is a good medium.  I shall, and I hope you can too, put a link to the forum on FB.  I feel that would be helpful.

Lin

37
That's okay, look at my comments from a layman's point of view.  I'm really not qualified to comment on this one, but felt it was not a subject that most would tackle.  Just wanted to help. :D :D :D

Lin


38
I am not qualified to comment on essays but I did read this, and one thing struck me was that this work was an essay of intent.

All the way through when I read this, was what you intended to do.  I thought (and correct me if I am wrong) that an essay was about what you had done and the effects it would have after you had done it.  (not sure)

When you say you intend to do something, I always feel that you cannot write about something which has not yet been tried and tested to write an essay about it. As the reader, I found it frustrating and not plausible enough to write about what you intend to do.  I would much rather read about what you did and what you discovered about it.  Intention, for me, is not interesting enough.  It's like saying 'I will do it, one day soon.'  Not positive enough and therefore I didn't get enough reader satisfaction.

I am a novelist and not an essay writer, but it was the intentions which kind of irritated me. I wanted to say, 'well, get on with it!'

The content, however, evades me. I had to trust that your writing would be of interest to those who know about these things.  Perhaps I didn't 'get it'. Your writing seems to ramble a bit too.  I wanted you to get more to the point. 

So as a layman, please don't take my comments as absolute.  I hope it helps with your thoughts on the essay as a whole.



Lin


39
Writer's Talk / Re: Sex, please, we're writers
« on: March 03, 2019, 03:58:50 PM »
Romance is very female led.  However, I've discovered of late that there are a lot more male romance readers and writers. Our local group is beginning to show that, due to two new male members.  I've also noticed through photos of the RNA parties that there are quite a few male members on the pictures, in fact, more than ever before.   So perhaps in a couple of years we shall see more of them.


Lin 


40
Writer's Talk / RNA Exeter Group
« on: March 01, 2019, 09:59:03 AM »
If there are any writers out there who would like to join our Exeter group on 13 March we are open for guest writers to meet for lunch.

If you live in Devon or Dorset or Cornwall, please do come along to the Chevalier Inn, Fore Street, Exeter at noon.

If anyone is coming down here on holiday soon, please get in touch with me and I will arrange to meet up with you.

Our group meets every second Wednesday in the month, so anytime you are in this area (and it is a fantastic county)  please contact me. You don't have to write romance to join us.  We have some great and well-known authors here too with lots of help for new writers.

Lin

41
Writer's Talk / Prologues
« on: February 23, 2019, 06:01:33 PM »
There was a time on MWC that we discussed prologues and we more or less agreed that people tend to skip them.  I discovered today that this is not the case.  I asked around in my romance writers' group (RNA) and everyone agreed they use them very frequently these days.  Has the trend changed or is this down to the genre?

42
Why are they charging money?

Lin

43
When a publisher is reviewing a manuscript, they very often do it on the train travelling to the office in the morning.  They look at the first few words or paragraph and if it grips them they will mark it on the computer to read back at the office.  They have about 200 mss's per day to review.  This is why the chance of being published is quite small these days.

I thought that if I was that publisher, your text would be read in thirty seconds and then discarded.  The script didn't interest me at all. Your telling of the story should not enter here, you must show the action.  If you are a telling person this is hard to understand. I felt it was like you were sat there telling me about your character and I couldn't see him, only YOU telling the story.
I strongly suggest you read up on Show/tell.  You don't have to use it all the time in your work, and the stop start technique you use, does not create the impact you probably desire. 

This is quite flat for me.  Your opening words have to inspire that publisher whilst he/she is on the train! 

Keep going, we understand your problems. 

Lin  :D :D :D

 


44
You might like it, but that's irrelevant.  It's your readers that have to like it.  Will keep reading.

45
Welcome - START HERE! / Re: hello everyone, so this is where you got to.
« on: February 20, 2019, 11:37:51 AM »
Oh hello, fancy seeing you here.  Glad you dropped by.  Your'e not a spy are you?  LOL

Looking forward to you posting some good writing stuff here.

Lin x ;D ;D ;D

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