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Messages - Lin Treadgold

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Writer's Talk / So long folks, moving on to greener pasture
« on: January 02, 2020, 05:08:12 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I have decided to delete my membership from this group as it no longer fits with my original intentions. I don't play games and this is no longer a writer's forum.

I shall miss many of you as we have known each other a very long time since 2012, I think.

If you wish to friend me on Facebook on my author page, please look me up on Facebook. Do remind me who you are via Messsenger.

Bye and hope to catch up via social media. (Bye Gyppo, much success)

Lin x

Poet's Corner / Re: Snippets Needs Help Tonight
« on: December 21, 2019, 10:02:23 AM »
Well it certainly got me reading it! 

On this line I think it's a trifle clumsy
Brilliance slips away

On this line
The painter allows
colors to bleed.
Rare, carbon-trace-papers
seldom at need.

I think the word 'allows' needs changing.  Search your thesaurus for a stronger word. 

Eg The painter accepts colours that bleed.  (I paint so I so accept this kind of paint behaviour)

Overall I liked it.  Keep going.

Lin x x

Writer's Talk / Re: Sold my Entrepreneur Writer blog
« on: December 12, 2019, 03:58:35 PM »
You?  Retired, Nick?  I'm 70 now and have another ten novels to write! 

Keep going!


Writer's Talk / Re: Library talk - oh heck
« on: December 12, 2019, 03:57:27 PM »
Hi Geoff,

I think the best talks are when you can have some kind of audience participation.  I did one not so long ago where I got the small audience to write down the first paragraph of a novel.  It was great fun and we voted on who had the most interesting opening to a book and why.  It made the participants realise that writing a book needed skill and we discussed the elements of a good intro. 

Hope this helps.


Writer's Talk / Season's Greetings
« on: December 12, 2019, 03:53:50 PM »
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all fellow writers on this forum. 2020 is going to be a fantastic year for me.  I am going to Italy to do some wartime research and then on to Austria for a few days.

We are having a new log cabin built in the garden for my writing and art and then my novel will be finished late Spring before sending it out to agents and publishers. 

I am also organising a Romantic Novelists' Association Spring Party for March 2021.  If anyone wishes to network with publishers and agents please let me know if you would like to attend the party in Exeter.  Plenty of time, but thought some of you may be interested in future events. 


All the best to you


Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: The Philosophy of Sense
« on: November 14, 2019, 08:30:14 PM »
Hi Jerem

When I read through this, I felt it was all very telling.  A good writer should be able to get the reader involved with a story to the point of leaving the author invisible.  I know you could be saying, 'well I wrote this, how do I stop the telling? 

Here is an example for you:  Your text first, then my ideas to help you improve it.

  The sirens blared, guns fired and whistles blew. Men cried for their lives and shrapnel blasted Jason Noveler’s face, bits and blood flew from his face. “That’s gonna leave a scar,” Jason thought as he winced from the pain. The pain was excruciating, but this wasn’t the first time he dealt with it, and it wasn’t going to be his last.

Jason wiped his blood stained face. His fingered the scar and winced from the pain. This wasn't the first time. He'd deal with it; it wasn't going to be his last.  He hit the deck when a tank exploded, the vibrations rippled beneath his chest.   'Fuckin' war.' he shouted.

In a wartime situation I think you need to be short and sharp to show emotion.  Sirens blared, guns fired, etc is too much telling. Keep your story within the mind of the character and detach yourself from the ongoing narrative.  Your text above is telling the reader from your head what's going on.  Best to let the character's emotions be told and not you writing about it.

Whenever I write a novel, I do my utmost best not to be in the book.  It has to be character led all the way. 

Good luck


There could be a great story here but as this is your first crack at writing, then you still have a way to go to make it sharp and interesting. However, do keep going, we all had to start somewhere to make this happen.

One sentence made me stop. His leg was bent in the most unnatural way, swollen and quickly turning a dark shade of purple stared helplessly at my son, suffering, knowing there was not a single thing I could do to help him.

Is the leg staring helplessly at your son or is it you?

Try this:   His leg, bent in a most unnatural way, became swollen.  I stared helplessly at my son, his suffering was mine too. 

Often it's best to keep drama short sharp and simple for effect.

Good luck and enjoy your writing.


Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: Grizelda and Chickee part one
« on: October 07, 2019, 07:51:47 PM »
I am sure you will find something on the net.  I will ask some of my writerly friends for you about USA national writing groups.  They should have a fairly local group and if not, start one!  Advertise in the library.

Ill try and get back to you soon.  Are you on Facebook?  That's the place to find a writer group in your area and also it's best to find one for your genre.

I belong with the Society of Authors in the UK and also the Romantic Novelists' Association,  I also attend my local writers' group. Everyone is great help and I wouldn't have got this far without them.


Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: Grizelda and Chickee part one
« on: September 25, 2019, 05:23:40 PM »
I hope we gave you something to consider.  I'm always glad to help writers succeed.

I think it's very important to join a group of authors too.  Interact and meet up and swap ideas.  You learn such a lot from them.  I mix these days with well known authors who are more than helpful.  Networking  will help get you published too. 

I'm having my next novel edited by an author who is part of my group and very experienced indeed.  It can make such a difference before you submit to a publisher.

Good luck and keep writing.  Never give up, its very therapeutic too and the research for historical novelists is quite fun.  I get to travel to places I never knew existed! 


Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: Grizelda and Chickee part one
« on: September 20, 2019, 05:08:41 PM »
Hillwalker and I go back a long way! He's right.  Dialogue is very important in a novel.  Otherwise it's flat and I can see you writing on Microsoft Word and typing the words yourself.  I need the character to speak, not your typing!

Do have a go at dialogue.  Have you come across 'show/tell'  Look it up on the net.  You are doing far too much telling instead of showing the story.

Showing is where a character is showing the story through their eyes and the way they speak. Telling is done by the author! 
Dont say eg.  She took him by the hand and gave him a kiss on the lips. TELLING
How about. 'Hold my hand, let me kiss you.' SHOWING

Eg. this sentence: Sometimes she spoke of inconsequential things, other times as a teacher to a student.
Let me see her speaking of inconsequential things.  What does she say?  How does she say it? Let her speak!

I think you need to read up on Show/tell and then start using it.

Good luck,

Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: Grizelda and Chickee part one
« on: September 16, 2019, 05:35:31 PM »
At first, I thought this was going to be really good all the way through.  Well, yes it was. Then I realised I was being 'told' the story as a narrative and I felt I wanted to explore the story myself through the eyes of the character. I would love to have seen  dialogue in there.  As a reader (and not a writer for this purpose) I become more involved when the character is telling their story through their eyes, instead of through the eyes of the author. Dialogue is deeper than narrative, at least, I think so. If you want your readers to love your writing, it could be that involving them in the dialogue is the way forward. 

I do like your writing, don't get me wrong and you do have the ability to describe the scene well, but for me and this particular piece, it didn't involve me enough.   I don't enjoy being told, I like to feel part of the story to listen to the voices of the characters.

So well done, but think about it and see what you come up with.


Writer's Talk / Re: My biggest mistake...
« on: August 25, 2019, 02:48:03 PM »
My biggest mistake was not writing a novel  soon enough.  I procrastinated too long.  Wrote bits here and there, not realising that I had a skill I could turn into something good. I woke up! 

I must have got this from my mother, who was an artist.  Very talented, but didn't have the confidence or the knowledge on how to push herself into the limelight and do better.  She also left it late to become an actress on TV.  I suppose we have the internet now and the world is at our fingertips to be able to research how to do this and that.

I feel now there is no excuse for not moving forward.  It's all there, you just have to research it on the web and get in with the right people.  Doing it all by yourself is hardly motivating  although it can be done.  When I did wake up, I got in with the 'in-crowd' and to finish the song, 'I go where the in-crowd goes.'  So really, if I had my time over again, I would wish it, dream it, and do it.  Mix with like minded people and learn from those who have gone before you.

Good luck!


Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: A start
« on: August 24, 2019, 11:29:20 AM »
I'm afraid this 'writing lark' takes a lot of practice and discovering the balance of what is too much and what is not enough. 

All I can advise is for you (knowing you as I do) to stick to the main points of the story.  Add some dialogue and get into the heads of the characters and stay detached from your own feelings.

If you have a character, you need to become him.  Show the reader (yes show) his feelings and thoughts, but steer away from being a historian.  What I do if I want to show background history, is to slip it into the dialogue.  But it has to be relevant, of course.

So instead of saying. -   The Ironstone mines of North Yorkshire were about to close down.  The problems seem to be lack of.... etc etc. 

Slip it into the dialogue.  'You working up at Lumspey Mine?  I hear it's hard times up there. '
                                     'Yeah, but not nearly as hard as ......
Then make sure that what you write is moving the story forward. 

You got the right idea, but you are more of a historian, Dave, so you write like one.  The two are a totally different way of writing.  Novel writing draws the reader in to the fiction inspired by fact.  The historian writes the history and facts as it was.

I think you need to choose which one you wish to pursue.   Don't try to mix the two and be the writer you are not.  By that, I mean don't try too hard!  LOL  :D You have what it takes, but the balance still needs working on.  Be as realistic as you can.  Fiction is not always about great works of literature and using words which are not natural to you.

Keep going, you're getting better.  Hope to meet up again soon. If you are down this way, bring it with you and we'll work on it together.  I mean I know this area as well as you do, so I'm probably the ideal writing partner. 


Review My Writing - Getting Started / Re: One parapgraph
« on: August 21, 2019, 03:44:39 PM »
When you have been working on this for so long you tend to lose sight of reading it with fresh eyes.  Will look at your comments and make the changes.  I think I was trying to get the reader to read on. keeping the intrigue going throughout the book.  It's not until the end do we discover what has been on Agnes' mind all these years.

Thanks for your comments.  Ive deleted the extra bits and kept the impact - much better.  Thanks to you both for your help.


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