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Messages - Gyppo

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The Bar & Grill / When your 'resting' characters have a go at you ;-)
« on: September 23, 2021, 11:40:47 AM »
"Dear Author (or whatever you call yourself these days).

Since you abandoned me thirty years ago to pursue those tedious real life issues such as having children and earning a living, (whatever that means), I have been sat here in a cold cave in the Brecons, surrounded by people who are hunting me with murder in their hearts.  And believe me, after thirty years frozen to one spot in all weathers, especially the poor sod you left falling halfway down a rock face, they are truly and deeply murderous.  Wouldn't you be?

If you are going to stomp back into our lives and cause us a whole new round of grief may I suggest the following...

For yourself, a metaphorical bullet-proof vest, although that won't protect you against 'Mr Headshot', your unbelievably accurate Master Sniper.  He was always a conceited bastard anyway.  None of us liked him.  We pissed in his thermos of Earl Grey tea whenever he wasn't looking.

For us, time to walk out the cramp from our joints without you making a Mills & Boon type meal of it.  We will not be saying "Ooh argh, that hurts.  We have had three decades in which to invent some wonderfully imaginative and lurid descriptions of yourself and your ancestry.

We would like a decent story line this time, not the pathetic shrivelled little thing we desperately tried to support for you before you just put the cover back on your typewriter and walked away.

People use word processors these days, in case you haven't noticed.  Their 'resting' characters drowse away in comparative comfort in snug little electronic files, rather than spread over a thick wedge of damp, mildewed, and rodent nibbled pages stored in some ghastly loft or garage.

You have absolutely no idea what we have been through since you so cruelly abandoned us.  (Although some of us did manage to escape a few times to the Station Bar on some writer's circle or other for a while.)

But if you ask nicely, and are prepared to accept a few less than complimentary observations along the way, we may well be willing to dance to your tune again.  And we'll dance better than you.  Because we are no older than when you walked out.  Whereas you...  But I don't need to rub it in, do I?

PS:  Bring Chocolate, Spirits, and maybe even some flowers for the ladies.  And throw your cap in first, don't just barge in.  Some of the lads have set traps.


    I remember one year when we were going away for a holiday.  Dad locked up the caravan quite carefully, but he'd put some of the more portable and valuable stuff into our little shed 'just in case'.

    We were just about ready to go when he stopped, took another look at the rather flimsy padlock on the shed, and took an extra ten minutes to nail the shed door shut with half a dozen six inch nails.  Banged in at various angles in a kind of metallic 'dovetail joint' around the door frame.

    I queried the need for this, saying our neighbours seemed honest enough.

    "They probably are, Son, but this will help them stay honest."

    The claw hammer was just casually lobbed into the back of the sidecar and off we went.

    It took him well over half an hour to 'break back in' when we got home, but everything was safe.

    I've realised since this was also a public statement/warning to any would-be pilferer who might be watching.


The Bar & Grill / Re: Your Favorite Song Today
« on: September 21, 2021, 04:26:47 PM »

The Bar & Grill / Re: BWF Bar and Grill
« on: September 19, 2021, 10:21:31 PM »
I can't remember the last time i saw a dog with a docked tail.


I've had a plethora of 'you have mail' dings today, and nearly all of them have automatically ended up in my junk mail folder.  Which at least shows my filters are working ;-)

Apparently my non-existent MacAfee anti-virus is; a) about to expire, b) has expired, or, c) will expire because I haven't paid for renewal.

I'm happy to say messages like 'your account has been terminated for non-payment' are a mere nuisance and not a cause for panic.

All a great mystery as I've never used it, which could be why I've not renewed it ;-)

I suspect this will go on for a few days now, as it did last time.

In the meantime I'll listen to some gentle Irish Accordion music as I wend my way gently towards bedtime after a fairly laid back day.


The Bar & Grill / Re: BWF Bar and Grill
« on: September 18, 2021, 09:19:27 PM »
If you were a bad guy you really wouldn't want to see that leaping at you ;-)


The Bar & Grill / Re: BWF Bar and Grill
« on: September 16, 2021, 12:50:34 PM »
There are arseholes in every race, Ollie ;-)  And some of them love to work the stereotypes to their own advantage.

I dare say you've met a few ripe examples in your work as a ride operator ;-)

Predators, whatever their background, feed on weakness and fear.  When they don't find it they tend to move on.


The Bar & Grill / Re: BWF Bar and Grill
« on: September 15, 2021, 01:08:03 PM »
She sounds great.

Sadly not all Mrs Andersons are the same ;-(

There was one who used to visit a bakery where I  worked for a while.  She'd come in with a group of friends to act as a distraction and shoplift stuff from the freezer.

She was gypsy-dark woman and she had the shop staff terrified of her, because she had a reputation for putting the evil eye on people who crossed her.

One of them told me this and it pissed me off.  i decided to do something about her.  i don't like bullies.

One day I looked down across the bakery floor, saw her and her gang coming in through the shop door, and ambled down to see what was happening.   It was a well polished routine, but I just leaned on the wall and kept my eyes on her.  Called to the shop assistant that I was just taking a break from the heat.

Like any wild animal Mrs A knew she was being watched.  She rummaged in the freezer and had her shopping bag open on the other hand ready to flip  something inside when one of her friends distracted the shop girl by going to the counter to pay for something.

"What are you looking at?"  She had to ask, because their routine was slipping away from them.

"Just seeing a chorer at work.  The Rom word for thief changed her whole attitude.  She gave me an evil look, and suggested I was wafferdii minge who should mind his own business.  Wafferdi means smelly/dirty, and you can guess at the other word.  It's one I very rarely use.

"Not until you've left the shop, you owd rawni."

Apparently she didn't like being called a Grandma.   Like a lot of words it can either be used to show respect, or as an insult.  Her eyes flashed - yes, they truly do sometimes - and she forgot about thieving.  Her two friends and the shop girl watched as she drew herself up, gave me 'the stare' - she was quite good at that bit - and warned me that she could put the 'Evil Eye' on me if I didn't bugger off.

The shop girl looked terrified.  That's the trouble with superstition, it feeds on itself in a very tight and destructive loop.  Her two friends were watching with what I'd call 'professional interest'.  (Like fighting folks watching other combatants to see how they handle themselves.  You might be more than willing to step in to help a friend, but you'll give him/her a chance to defend himself first.)

I stayed leaning on the wall and said quietly, "If you try to put the doosh yok on me it'll come back at you tenfold."  One of my better performances I've always felt, projecting absolute confidence no matter what I was thinking inside.

She hesitated a second or two, then decided not to take the risk against an unknown quantity.  She told her friends to get out and followed them, muttering darkly.

The shop girl snapped out of her trance.  "What did you say to her?  I didn't understand most of it."

"I just let her know this wasn't a place for her games."

"Can you teach me those words?  In case she comes in again."

I looked at her bubbly blonde hair and blue eyes, and her eager to please happy puppy attitude.

"I don't think it would work coming from you, Pet."

"Probably not."

"Just give me a call if she bothers you again."

She never came back.  Sometimes she stood outside whilst her two friends did their legitimate shopping.

Bullies are often frightened of the thing they use to intimidate others.

Looking back on it I rather enjoyed myself helping the 'damsel in distress'.


The Bar & Grill / Re: My junior 'Warrior Woman' has earned her first medal.
« on: September 13, 2021, 12:19:36 AM »
She's had good examples from the women in our clan ;-)  From her great-great grandmother onwards.

The Bar & Grill / Re: Cookbook time
« on: September 12, 2021, 10:19:08 PM »
I also made a small batch of wholemeal pastry last week, which I turned into 8 individual apple pies.  They turned out rather well.  When I make some more I'll remember to take a few photos.

I stuck some in a plastic storage box in the fridge for my 'testing panel' to try when they visited a week later.  They passed with flying colours ;-)

This was an oil-based pastry, and the 'raw taste' test wasn't too encouraging, but once baked off they tasted good.  I shall return to this experiment.

There was no sugar involved, except in the filling,  so this same pastry could be used for meat pies as well.

The Bar & Grill / Re: Cookbook time
« on: September 12, 2021, 08:25:41 PM »
broke open my third 35 lb bag of wholemeal flour today.  Which means it as approximately six months since I last bought a loaf from a shop.

Here I am modestly hiding behind the bag as I empty the last bit from bag two.

Left click if you feel a crazed compulsion to enlarge the picture.


The Bar & Grill / My junior 'Warrior Woman' has earned her first medal.
« on: September 12, 2021, 08:20:05 PM »
My Grandaughter, aged eight, has completed the Henley 10 K sponsored walk and raised £210 for her chosen charity, Cats Protection.  My two girls walked with her as her support crew, and say she fairly raced around, finishing half an hour ahead of their estimated arrival time.

They avoided the more packed parts of the crowd, because, like most of the family, she's not too good with crowds.  But they found another family group with a ten year old lad and the two kids walked and talked together whilst the adults did likewise.

The weather was kind, and apparently the countryside looked rather wonderful with 'fields of golden grain' to remind them it will soon be Harvest Festival time.

She thoroughly enjoyed it, and now has her first 'finisher's medal'.

If anyone feels like making a belated donation the sponsorship website is still open.

One quietly proud Grandad here.






(It was a sad day for skill when the manually - and skilfully - used woodworking plane was replaced by the logically - but unimaginatively named - mechanical 'thicknesser'  machine.)

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