Best Writing Forum

The Bar & Grill => Word Play => Topic started by: Mark Hoffmann on January 27, 2018, 09:40:32 AM

Title: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 27, 2018, 09:40:32 AM
The challenge is to write between 50 and 150 words about some pet peeve that makes you go: why the fork / why oh why, oh why, must it be so? Don't just list your annoyance, but don't labour the point either. Have as many goes as you like, but for each post stick to the word limit. Of course, no one will be counting, this isn't Germany.

I'll start.

Why the fork do people (usually a spouse) shout "careful" at you just AFTER you have stubbed your toe, or slipped over on the ice, or bumped into a lamppost?! Do they think you will say thanks, then go back in time and avoid the sodding incident! It is so pointless and so annoying: like rubbing salt into the wound. Yes, I know I should have been more careful, but it's too late now so shut up!

What's even worse is you find yourself shouting "careful" at others when they have a minor accident. Like a tourettes sufferer, the word is out there of its own volition and the next thing you know the accidentee is giving you a stare that if converted into words could not be repeated.

It makes you wonder: how much control do we really have over our mouths?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 27, 2018, 12:24:49 PM
When grocery shopping, why do some people park themselves and their carts/baskets right in the middle of the aisle? Pick a damn side so those of us who need the salad dressing down there at the end of the aisle can scoot past your deliberating ass trying to determine which can of green beans is the perfect choice.

They make the aisles wide enough for traffic to flow IF and only IF you don't plug up the middle.

Next rant might be about the crap the store puts in the aisles as a temptation or special display, and which also plugs up the free flow of traffic. There must be some reason for this. Like I might decide I need a stray can of green beans while I wait for a chance to move forward.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 27, 2018, 01:24:43 PM
Why does the security guard at the local co-op spend three quarter of his time stood at the back of the shop talking to the shop-girls who are filling shelves?

I assume they are losing enough stuff to make it worth hiring him, but standing between those tall shelves he can't really see the door and at least half the time he can't see the curved security mirrors from where he's standing.  The girls working the tills by the door can see all the mirrors, so I suppose they could call out to him.  But if someone's doing a runner with a few quids worth of meat - and why keep the high value products by the door? - they've got a thirty or forty foot start on him.

Then the first thing he has to decide is which way they turned after leaving the store  It's a fifty-fifty chance, unless they come from one of the flats above the shop and wedged the push button activated door door open for a quick getaway.  If he makes the wrong choice they're long gone.

There are external cameras so the known shoplifters will appear on 'Stars in their eyes' when the cops check over the footage.

But matey in his smart uniform looks like a waste of space to me.  If he stood at the front, as a visual deterrent, he might be some use.  The girls could then give him a nod about known lifters or suspects.

He gave me a good looking over when I first encountered him.  Fair enough.  Wild looking older man with baggy clothes and big pockets.  Definitely a suspicious looking chap  ;-)  I wonder if he realised the assessment was a two way street.

I think the big lass who spends most of her time filling shelves and rarely gets behind a till would be more useful.  She looks infinitely more capable than he does.  I'm sure there's a martial art of some sort hidden behind her laid back style.  As they used to say in an old song there's 'something in the way she moves'. 
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 27, 2018, 11:01:21 PM
As far as I know, they never caught the asshat who tampered with the Tylenol and killed a bunch of random people.

But since then, bottles and jars of things have had a tamper-proof seal, for my protection. Bull. They don't give a flying monkey's ass about my protection. I know this because they seal these containers up and I must use a knife or scissors to get into the product. Kraft is one of the worst offenders.

If they really cared about me, the consumer, they would make the seal possible to get off without injuring myself. They don't. They do this so I or my survivors don't sue them. And they just really don't care about me for one nanosecond after the sale is complete.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 28, 2018, 09:37:50 AM
Before I get to my fork I'd like to support Patti. I have no idea what Tylenol is but I think even where there is no legal threat, companies simply don't put enough thought into how people, especially disabled people, or older people with arthritis or other conditions that affect your hands, are going to open packaging.

How I'd solve this if I ruled the world is the CEOs of companies would have to do a YouTube vid of themselves opening their products. And if said CEO's happened to be under 55, then they'd be made to wear padded gloves. If they failed to open the packaging in under 2 minutes, of if they stabbed themselves in the process, or if they failed to keep a happy smile on their faces while undertaking the chore, they'd be made to dance naked for 5 minutes to the theme tune from the Smurfs.

Anyway, my fork is sort of related in that it is product based. It's about the critical matter of the revolving plate in the microwave oven. Why the fork does it not stop in exactly the same position that it started from, so if the cup (or whatever) handle was in a convenient position when you put the thing in, it would be in the same convenient position for taking it out again?!

I of course know why – it's because the revolving process is linked to the timer. But, a microwave is voodoo magic anyway so the people who make them must be very special. Surely, they can stop the heaty- magic but keep the turny-magic going until the plate is in the same position!! Either they just can't be arsed, OR, it saves about 10p in manufacturing and the greedy buggers want that 10p for themselves, OR I am cleverer than them – seems unlikely but who knows.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 04, 2018, 10:05:43 AM
My previous fork was about lackadaisical design, but what about when designers get it right? I'm thinking the wonderful people at the toothpaste company who designed a toothpaste tube that you can stand upside down on its cap, so when you open it the paste is right there, ready. Genius!
 
So why the fork, does a certain individual of a female deposition, put the tube in the holder along with the toothbrushes. Worse still, she sits it cap upper most so the toothpaste sinks down into the base of tube and then, when you need some you have to faff about, gradually squeezing the stuff up from the bottom, until eventually you lose patience, squeeze too hard, and end up with a massive dollop that covers all the bristles on the brush and half the handle.

Zak of course is unaffected by this illogicality. He has his own beef flavoured toothpaste and, due to a lack of hands, needs me to clean his teeth for him. Maybe that's why people say: it's a dog's life. Dogs don’t have forks.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 04, 2018, 01:08:13 PM
I understand that everything has a price and the internet is not free. I understand the need for ads all over the place making it damn near impossible to actually read anything online.

What I do not understand is a scroll over ad that yells at me as I go past it. I'm not interested in being yelled at. What the hell is going on? How many people surreptitiously look at stuff at work? And then the noise happens ... and BAM, you're caught. How does this help anyone? Certainly, the rest of the advertisers on the page should be up in arms about ads that make the whole thing unuseable.

I do know that the flickering, seizure inducing ads can be stopped by reloading the page. I'm not real sure what mastermind came up with the idea, but I know how to make it go away. But those rollover pieces of shit just keep happening and are always annoying and I scroll past them as fast as possible. I hate noise.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 04, 2018, 03:16:56 PM
Patti:  I have the speakers turned off most of the time because I don't even like the supposedly helpful bells and whistles.

Adverts like that must be a nightmare for blind people who rely on a screen reader.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on February 08, 2018, 09:40:33 PM
So, say you have a partner. And your friend has a partner. And said partners don't particularly like each other. Why the fork must every attempt to get together be a "couples" thing?

I think my friend realises that my partner doesn't like her partner, and is digging her heels in. But what's the point? Forcing them to spend time together won't make them like each other any more. Every time my husband sees her partner, he dislikes him a little more.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 09, 2018, 08:00:55 AM
I have no objection to the terminally stupid per se, but when they are allowed to make decisions that affect my life, my brain starts to fizz. Let's, for example, take the useless forker with the IQ of a discarded cucumber sandwich, who came up with the pinnacle of pointlessness that is sodding cookie warnings.

We've allowed some sad little Belgian clipboard hugger to push through a regulation that wastes the time of almost every human on the planet. And that's just the best case! Worst case is the poor sods represented in the Venn diagram where technophobe overlaps with paranoid, who might actually choose not to use a web site in case the cookies leave crumbs in their PC - or something equally unlikely.

Phew! Glad I got that off my chest.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 09, 2018, 10:40:33 AM
Mark:  I think you're being unfair to cucumber sarnies.  No way could a Belgian clipboard hugger even aspire to come close to the intellect of that ill-regarded comestible.

Amie:  The whole 'doing things as a couple' is over-rated.  It's lovely when it works, but so often it's doomed to failure.  Forcing two unsuited people together just because they're partners of the other two is counterproductive.  It can end up poisoning the easy friendship between the two who do get on.

It's like the playground nonsense about having to discard one friend in order to be friends with another.

I think it's based on the modern myth that 'we're all the same'.  Like hell we are.  It's the differences which make us interesting, and also warn us that sometimes we're not meant to be in the same room ;-)

Puts me in mind of Gypsy funerals and, to a lesser extent, weddings.  Even the blackest of black sheep is not only allowed but expected to turn up and pay their respects to the departed, or the newly betrothed.  But they generally know better than to hang around too long afterwards.  Some feuds get healed at family gatherings, but not many.  Sometimes, just sometimes, they get upturned by 'Romeo and Juliet' couples who defy both families.  Sometimes both family's agree that the new generation has it right, (for them), but the older ones will never trust each other. 

My ex could never get her head around the fact that my workmates weren't necessarily friends I'd want to spend time with outside work.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 09, 2018, 05:01:33 PM
   I do not like the 21st Century.   I've given it the benefit of the doubt for 17 years, which is more than long enough for it to create a good first impression.  But, even allowing for the fact that I'm a contrary old git at times, the young upstart doesn't seem to be pulling its weight.

   I've had a couple of run-ins with computerised bureaucracy lately and it sucks.  It sucks like a Dyson on amphetamines.  With an electric cattle-prod up its arse.  Unlubricated.

   Now...  I know that a computer can make millions of calculations a second, but it sure as hell can't answer a simple question.  It asks every question at least three times, and then you have to wait a week to get a note back saying 'We have received your email'.  Sometimes, displaying all the eagerness of the bloody Andrex puppy, it will tell you this two or three times, obviously assuming that we are as stupid as they are and need to have everything repeated ad nauseam before it sinks in.

   'We will deal with your request within ten working days' it promises, but obviously in the rarefied atmosphere of computerised bureaucracy 'dealing with' can mean as little as acknowledging receipt. The system is so pleased with this it repeats itself, repeatedly.  It sends emails to tell you it's sent an email.  No wonder the internet is slow at times, it's full of pointless emails as well as all the spam.

   I can remember when local councils etc didn't bother to acknowledge receipt of any letters, they just dealt with the problem and then wrote back with either a demand for money, an occasional refund, or a solution to the problem you had queried.

   But nowadays all communications get transformed into bits and bytes, are give a unique identifier, which another email will inform you enables them to keep track of your correspondence whilst all the bits and bytes are placed into a giant drum, stirred around willy-nilly and then forgotten about for at least ten working days.  I suppose as long as the drum is being agitated it counts as being dealt with. 

   And seeing as nobody human seems to work in these kind of offices then that means never.

   Edgar Allan Poe would have been proud of them.
      
   "Will you ever answer my simple question?  Preferably before I die of old age and pass it on to my children, grand children., and possibly even great grandchildren."

   Quoth the computer, "Nevermore."

===
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on February 09, 2018, 07:44:50 PM
Amie:  The whole 'doing things as a couple' is over-rated.  It's lovely when it works, but so often it's doomed to failure.  Forcing two unsuited people together just because they're partners of the other two is counterproductive.  It can end up poisoning the easy friendship between the two who do get on.

Mostly we like both halves in the couples we know, but this particular friend has terrible taste in men. He's friendly enough, but just totally full of shit, always trying to impress you with how clever and savvy he is (he's the sort of person who'd tell you he's "in oil" if he works at the till of a petrol station). Oh, and started sexting old girlfriends when she found out she was pregnant ::)

But, no matter. I just have to think up a fifteenth excuse for why hub isn't available for a couples do for the foreseeable future.

******

Why the fork can't the English brew a decent cup of coffee by default? It's like, it's either some kind of poncy religious experience, or you get burnt grounds in a plastic cup. Contrast with say Portugal, where any coffee anywhere, even from say a burger van, is sublime. It's not that hard Brits, reclaim your tastebuds!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 10, 2018, 02:51:30 PM
Mark, today while brushing my teeth, I had to open up a new tube of toothpaste and I was thinking bout your problem with your tube of toothpaste. I actually roll the empty portion of the tube down and clamp a binder clip on the damn thing to make sure the paste stays down there by the spout.

But as I was musing about this it dawned on my there is a very simple solution to your problem. You are, by law, permitted to buy your own personal for your use only tube of toothpaste. There is no toothpaste police with warrants to make sure you are sharing nicely. You are free!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 10, 2018, 03:12:31 PM
The current Mrs H does not have OCD. I know this because she has told me so. Nonetheless I know that two tubes of toothpaste would only be acceptable if they were juxtaposed so as to be perfectly aligned. Furthermore, one with a clamp and one without would surely lead to "consequences".

I've already disposed of a couple of wives and there is no more room under that patio slabs, so even though the current one is as mad as three-legged badger on a trampoline, I'm trying to be agreeable.  We've been together somewhere between 10 and 18 years ( or is it longer  :-\ ) and she has yet to try and stab me. I'm calling that a win!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 10, 2018, 03:36:53 PM
Well, that is quite successful, too.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on February 10, 2018, 07:04:44 PM
I suffer from Mrs H's upside-down toothpaste affliction (it doesn't fit into the cup holder cap down, and it looks messy if not in the cup. The cup is actually inside a cabinet, so I guess any messiness would be hidden, but it makes me happier to relish in the inter-cabinet tidiness.

I do have mild OCD, but I am fine with Mr S having his own toothpaste. He claims not to have OCD, but gets unreasonably disturbed if I use/touch any of his toiletries. So happier all around if I leave him to his own toiletry kingdom. He keeps them out of view, in case I transgress and use his, so everyone's happy ;)


The current Mrs H does not have OCD. I know this because she has told me so. Nonetheless I know that two tubes of toothpaste would only be acceptable if they were juxtaposed so as to be perfectly aligned. Furthermore, one with a clamp and one without would surely lead to "consequences".

I've already disposed of a couple of wives and there is no more room under that patio slabs, so even though the current one is as mad as three-legged badger on a trampoline, I'm trying to be agreeable.  We've been together somewhere between 10 and 18 years ( or is it longer  :-\ ) and she has yet to try and stab me. I'm calling that a win!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 10, 2018, 07:21:02 PM
It's the designers I feel sorry for. Striving for tidiness perfection they create a tube that not only springs back into shape, thus removing any unsightly wrinkles, but also sits upright on the shelf as smart as any Guardsman on parade. And yet, people all over the country hide their genius design from view. It's a crying shame!



Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 11, 2018, 01:30:34 PM
In our house, Mr Chick and I not only do not share a toothpaste, we do not share a bathroom. He has his and I have mine and no one even sees a toothpaste tube anywhere.

Ah, the joy of retirement.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on February 11, 2018, 06:06:24 PM
Luxury.

In the U.K., it is quite common for houses to have only one bathroom.

And where they do have more than one (or additional cloakroom toilets) they are ridiculously limited in terms of where they can be positioned, and tend to be stacked around a single soil stack.

I grew up in Florida, where it was typical to have as many bathrooms as there were bedrooms (or sometimes one more, so that there could be a toilet for visiting guests who didn't need a bed for the night)

Why the fork can't British toilet architecture follow the Floridian model, with toilet/bathrooms aplenty?

We have one rather small bathroom, and an ensuits in the guest bedroom (toilet and wash-hand basin only - if they want a shower or bath they have to use the main bathroom, and I have to queue to use my own bathroom while they're in there!)

Middle class problems I guess :)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on February 11, 2018, 06:11:03 PM
Oh, and for the record, although our home is ridiculously expensive compared to 90% of US homes, the bathroom is microscopic. Well, okay, it is macroscopic, but very small, about 5' x 7', with a big notch out of one corner).

Ah, space.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on February 13, 2018, 07:21:12 AM
Also, hotel rooms without toilet brushes.

Say one in your party has a digestive ailment, the results of which cannot be completely elinated with a flush. Wouldn't it be far kinder to the room cleaner to let guests deal with that on their own, rather than leaving you to look like animals with poor toilet training?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 13, 2018, 08:40:08 AM
Also, hotel rooms without toilet brushes.

Yes I noticed this in the last few years. Perhaps it is some health and safety cobblers.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 17, 2018, 10:53:31 AM
Why the fork do clothes companies that send out catalogues targeting middle aged blokes like me, use young, skinny, foppish models?! Surely there are middle-aged models. Or do these marketing cretins think that anyone over fifty is so hideous that pictures of them will have people running for their sick buckets.

I do not want to see some rake-thin, floppy-haired cherub, staring at me from the catalogue pages as if he's contemplating his next game of Grand Theft Auto (or whatever it is these creatures find to amuse themselves). I want to see the clothes on someone like me: beardy and bulging.

And while I'm at it, how the hell am I suppose to know if I'm regular fit; straight fit, or slim fit?! Well I suppose I can rule out slim. Or can I? I'm slimmer than most blokes in their fifties. I'll go for regular fit because straight fit sounds a bit homophobic!

All this cobblers is "almost" enough to make me go to an actual shop. Nope strike that thought; that's just a step too bloody far. Regular fit it is and if I find that the jeans grip my thighs as tightly as a Yorkshireman grips his wallet, someone will be getting a very stern letter of complaint.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 17, 2018, 11:32:56 AM
Now you know why I shop at army surplus places.  At least most of their clothes are designed to allow you room to move around, and not stand there like a stick insect wearing a Jim Morrison 'bad boy' look.

Alternatively, although some of their shirts would make even a floral shirt wearing three hundred pounds American feel sick, check out Dig Dude.  I don't get paid for this 'plug'.

https://www.bigdudeclothing.co.uk/

Much of their stuff is normal, but in bigger sizes.  Worth looking at anyway.

Gyppo

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 21, 2018, 07:39:32 PM
**Please note sizing is much smaller than other brands, you will need to go up a size or two on all Ben Sherman**

Why?

Why can't they just give sizes in inches, or even bloody metric.  Some of us are intelligent enough to know what size we are.  We can even remember from one buying trip to the next.

Bah!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 22, 2018, 02:11:41 PM
Forking time wasters are another bunch who should be chopped up and fed to the piggies.

Let's pretend I have a Welsh girlfriend and order her a Sheep Onesie from an online retailer. The next day they send me an email to say it has been dispatched. AND because someone in their organisation has an MBA (or at least has some vague idea of what an MBA might be) they include in that email a link that says: Track Your Package.

Great I think. I'll use that to find out when it will be delivered. I follow the link only to be informed that ... my package has been dispatched. YES I know that you dimwit; you told me in the email.

Who do these buffoons think the're impressing?! Personally I'd prefer it if the email said: Your package has been dispatched, but we don't know when it will arrive because we are a bit crap.


Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 23, 2018, 10:29:27 AM
Why the fork is Amazon spamming me? The email advertises 8 things each with a partial description. I'm not stupid enough to click on any of them because I know if I do they'll store that info and try to sell the item to me for the rest of natural life. And, the way marketing is going, I'll probably see "relevant" ads in the afterlife.

Partial descriptions that are not that tempting:

Personalised birthday wooden … (cake?)

Elvis the elephant snack … (how hungry do they think I am?)

BMW genuine active mug cup … (you'd have to be a mug to buy one!)

10Pcs dirt remove … (nope, no idea.)

Glass cup heat resistance … (determined to sell me a cup of some sort. Resistance is futile.)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mister URL on February 23, 2018, 11:59:32 AM
Well, I can't resist this ... a public and acceptable forum for the Airing of Grievances.

Why the fork do so many people refuse to use their directional signals when driving? The law says use them; cars are equipped with them as standard equipment; they are are an obvious safety aid. Is there some hidden benefit to not allowing others to know what their intent is? Is it a protest against the legal strictures that attempt to control the highways? Perhaps these drivers are secret agents and are frequently pursued by enemies and therefore need to hide their turns. In any case, it is an irritant and danger to the rest of us.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 01, 2018, 08:21:06 PM
Why the fork was this BBC report not strangled a birth?

An old bloke is given a hot meal. Cue moron stage left.

Reporter: An important part of the day for you, Bill, because this is extremely important to get this food? (shoves mic in Bill's face.)

Bill: Yep.

Reporter: Why is it important?

Bill: Because of the bad weather we're having.

Reporter: Why is it important to get a hot meal?

Bill: (says nothing)

Reporter: Why is it important to get a hot meal?

Bill: (says nothing)

Reporter: Because of the warmth?

Bill: Yeah.

Reporter: If you didn't get that, what would you have to do?

Bill: Cook it myself. Or get it myself?

Reporter: How difficult would that be?

Bill: Very difficult.

By this point I'm leaping up and down urging Bill to stab the fucker with his plastic knife. Go on, Bill, stab him!! How difficult would that be?!!

If you want to watch this tragic commentary on humankind go here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b09s89br/bbc-news-at-one-01032018

and skip forward to 28 mins 47 secs.

Mark (still fuming)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 01, 2018, 08:46:07 PM
I didn't watch it because I'd have to sign in.  I don't think I should have to sign in to see news.  I'm a crabby old git like that.

But I thoroughly enjoyed your description and would also be urging Bill to do the reporter a serious mischief.  Sadly most plastic knives aren't up to gelding someone.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on March 02, 2018, 06:38:48 PM
I'm going to why the fork something I'm guilty of doing sometimes myself.

So, you send someone detailed instructions for doing something, and they ask you a question which is clearly listed in the instructions (sometimes in step 1)

I'd got roped into a moderate IT role (despite being not an it person at all), because despite working in an environment full of PhD scientists, no one understands how macros in Word work (except me I guess. Definitely the IT people don't). Finally I got agreement from IT that they would support this (after I explained to them how to do itand what the common pitfalls were  ::) ) - and I sent around an email with an update, saying, "if you have any questions, please go to John first". Within an hour I had a question, in response to the email saying "go to John first", asking me to fix something for them.

I responded with, "the answer is in line one of the email below"

Wtf?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 03, 2018, 01:02:10 PM
Why don't companies test their "upgrades" before foisting them on the unwary public.

American Airlines at Sky Harbor Airport use a kiosk system to check in for flights. That worked okay although their directions were a little fuzzy and after reading them, I was still in error and another passenger helped me get the damn thing working. But I had to fly my luggage as well and for that, there is an extra fee.

I tried the charge card reader in all four possible directions, twice, and then it printed out a paper saying it didn't work. I had to stand in line to be told to go over to Becky and she said, "they are very sensitive and if you don't remove the credit card in the fashion the machine needs, it doesn't work." WTF?

I should be able to just swipe the damn card or perhaps, they could include a chip reader for my safety.

But Becky had the touch and got the card to work and then I had to go BACK and stand in the SAME LINE I had already stood in so my luggage could fly with me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 08, 2018, 11:52:46 PM
I have hundreds and hundreds of fonts on my computer. It helps with my Cricut designs.

I signed up for a free bundle of stuff and would gladly have looked at their ads over and over again. Instead, a pop up appeared at random in the lower left corner of my computer on at least a daily basis. I tried to block it myself and that didn't work. So I went to the site with the only available recourse to delete my account. That was not an option. So I had to email them and ask THEM to delete me. They say they have.

I understand the need to advertise. I do not understand why anyone thinks that making it intrusive and annoying will help. I would still be looking at their advertising if it didn't pop up at inopportune moments. Sorry, Alex, whoever you are. But really, would you like ME popping up on YOUR computer daily?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 09, 2018, 12:19:38 AM
It's a territorial thing, isn't it?  And rightly so.

My computer is my space.  If I choose to invite people in then that's fine.  If they knock on the door and I invite them in, and then find they're a nuisance then I'll deal with that as necessary.  But if they not only come in but bring all their ne'er-do-well pushy advertising friends then I get rather pissed off.

Both my daughters used to push themselves up between me and a book to get my attention sometimes, but you make allowances for special people, and they also learn when not to do it.

But pop up adverts, especially those which fill most of the page, are a sure fire way of ensuring I don't buy their bloody product ;-)  Either then or ever.

My pet hate is the 'Do you want to chat? (Speak to an advisor...) when I'm looking around a website for something like, for example, a washing machine.

I am perfectly capable of thinning out the vast array to something which may suit me and then asking.  I can't abide the equivalent of the pushy salesman in a shop.

Why isn't there the equivalent to a "Please go away, I'll approach you when I find something I want to ask about.  Until then let me look in peace or I'll walk out and never return again."  Sure, you can hit the

Most irritating is 'Are you having trouble deciding?'   

There is an underlying assumption that you are totally useless, or gullible, and are incapable of making a decision for yourself.  That you are nothing but sales-fodder to be exploited.

It's as bad as a restaurant where they keep asking if you're enjoying your meal.  "I would be if it wasn't for the interruptions."  Trust me, if I wasn't I'd let you know.

Bloody sales pop-ups.

Gyppo

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on March 15, 2018, 07:46:00 PM
Today's Why The Fork:

So, contextual background: approximately 15 years ago, I worked for an organisation with very specific document management requirements. They hired contractors, developed a specification, a test system was developed within 6 months, a limited group of users beta-tested it for three months, they fixed all the bugs and rolled it out to the rest of the users, complete with training and after-sales support. Total time from initial contract awarded to fully operational system rolled out to all < 18 months.

Then about ten years ago, I moved to a new organisation in exactly the same line of very specific work. They needed the same document management system. I said, "Fantastic! I've used that, it's wonderful!". And here we are, ten years later, and the forking system still doesn't work, and doesn't even aspire to do a tenth of the functions the system at my previous company used to have, or to be accessible to a fifth of the desirable users. A few weeks ago, I asked for a very very simple report, and was told I'd have to wait until December before I could make a request. Then it was suggested to me that there were some default reports I could use -but when I directed my admin person to get this report, she was told that she'd have to make an appointment next month to discuss what reports are available now.

Why the fork has my company spent ££millions, and years, developing a system that is completely forking useless, when my previous company with the same requirement got the system out in 18 months (15 years ago I might add!) with nary a hitch? I am starting to hate our IT team. How the fork do they get paid to send out form emails saying, "get in the queue for this thing we promised you ten years ago"?

ps - senior management have recently decided to trash to whole system, £15M and ten years later, because they too know it downs work. But why the fork couldn't they get it to work when essentially the exact same company under a different name got it to work with no problem whatsoever? 15 Forking Years Ago!!! I just feel like our forking IT are take the mighty peas (to go with fork)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 15, 2018, 10:21:37 PM
Amie

I can explain that for you. Society has evolved to the point where it needs about a million IT workers. But, there are only about 50,000 people with a suitable intellect. That leaves 950,000 cretins doing work they are not suited for.

This situation is fab if you are a bone idle thickie with an interest in IT as you can easily get recruited by an older bone idle thickie who is bluffing his way through life. But for the poor sods who need IT solutions, the situation is not so fab.

Things get worse each year as IT gets more complex. Add to this the shitstorm of regulation that even the best people have to wade through and it's amazing anything ever gets done.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 16, 2018, 03:11:01 PM
We are having four rooms painted by a profession because they all have higher than normal heights. Three rooms have 14 foot walls and the stair way is the full two stories high with the stairs in the way. We are willing to pay someone to do this for us.

Then we had to pick out paint. I got paint chip samples and then more samples and waded through a selection of colors numbering in the millions. Then we went and got paint samples made to test how it would look in the room. Why don't they make the paint samples the color of the damn paint?

I picked out what I thought would be a nice moss/forest green. It looked like nice moss/forest green on the card. It was called some sort of mossy green (who gets to name paint colors? I really want that job.). But when we put it on the wall, it was brown. Really brown. No green discernable in any way, shape, or form. It was brown.

So, I went back to the paint chips and found a not mossy or forest green. It is not the same blue tinted green currently on the walls. The countertop and flooring rather demand a green tint for the kitchen, so it is a more spring green. Lighter in color and with a yellowish cast.

The color I chose from the master suite was quite different from the color on the wall. But the paint was nearly indistinguishable. I changed color families altogether on that one.

What is so difficult for paintmakers to actually put the color of the paint formula onto a piece of cardboard so one can have a hope of picking out a suitable color of paint on the first round. Are they so dependent on selling the $4 samples that they plot to thwart color selection?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on March 16, 2018, 06:42:25 PM
Powdered wheatgrass.

Why the fork does it even exist? Humans are not ruminants. We are not designed to eat grass.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Heidi52 on March 17, 2018, 02:29:32 PM
I can answer that Spell Chick

Colors change in different lights and can change depending on the surface they are painted on. That's why a chip that is one color on a cardboard chip that is matte will look different on a wall which might be slightly smoother/shinier.

Also light plays a huge role. Florescents and LEDs and incandescent are all different wavelengths and colors will look differently under each of them. Even natural sunlight will change with the day and also with the year. Natural light is bluer in the spring and redder in the summer, for instance.

And what they are put next to will change our perception of a color. So if you are painting a brown green near a blue green, the brown green will read brown. But if you put that same brown green near a brown or a red or an orange it will read as green.

Believe it or not even size matters. Something can look one shade when it's just a couple of inches, but take on a whole different look when you have a whole wall or room of it.

Your own eyesight affects how you perceive different wavelengths as well. So where you might see brown, someone else might see green.

The paint manufacturers aren't trying to trick you, but color perception is so individual and so are the conditions in your home, that you couldn't ever get an exact match.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 17, 2018, 04:56:55 PM
Well, I do have six little pots of paint to play with and use to paint some craft type projects, so there is that benefit.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Heidi52 on March 17, 2018, 09:43:57 PM
I had arts and crafts day today myself.

I'm tired of standing at baggage claim trying to tell if that's MY black samsonite suitcase among the scores of identical bags. I bought a cute little carry on bag that is black with white polka dots, so I bought a white paint marker and put a band of polka dots around the suitcase.

It came out well, not loud but definitely different.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 18, 2018, 08:53:10 PM
The other evening I wandered down to the newsagents (WH Smith) in the ultra-commercial lobby of the hospital and picked up a motorbike magazine.  I'd run out of charge on my kindle and needed something to keep me from climbing the walls.

I took it to the till and the young lady there couldn't sell it to me because someone had torn off the barcode.

No code = no scanning, so the till can't tell her what it costs.  She was incapable of making a guess and entering it as 'miscellaneous'.  At the Co-o they would have haggled a bit, agreed a price, and rung it up as bananas.

So I bought a computer magazine instead, which was a total pile of crap.  (I'm going the enjoy putting it through the shredder.)

As I left the shop I looked over my shoulder and saw her putting the bike magazine back on the shelf.   Definitely a 'fork' moment.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 19, 2018, 11:12:20 AM
Why does the dust underneath the bed feel so different than the dust everywhere else? It is smoother, silkier. What is it doing under the bed for all that time?

And why does it have to collect there. The bed was over the floor, no dust should have been falling there, and yet it looks like two or three adults have decomposed and "turned to dust".

Why is keeping a house clean such a chore?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 19, 2018, 11:51:35 AM
The bed was over the floor, no dust should have been falling there, and yet it looks like two or three adults have decomposed and "turned to dust".


Maybe the dust under the bed falls through and from  the bed rather than ordinary dust which falls from damn near everywhere.   If so then it is specifically bed dust, which can contain the last mortal remains of minute bedmites,  skin cells, etc.   Looked at this way your decomposing adult theory is about right.

We all lose skin cells from the surface all the time, although the replenishment slows down a bit as we get older and causes our skin to thin a little.  But it's something we don't like to think about.  Our brains are wired to 'not talk about it.'  Like all the microscopic little creatures which live on a human being no matter how clean they are.

If you think about it too long your skin starts to crawl.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 19, 2018, 02:02:54 PM
I think it might also be why old people smell a bit dusty. Says the old person.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: coastpup on March 21, 2018, 05:42:14 AM
Why the fork do people call "Safe Deposit Boxes" "Safety Deposit Boxes"????  They are in a SAFE ffs.  Yes, you put stuff in there for "safe keeping" and I suppose you could say it is for "safety" but they are not safety boxes.  There is nothing about them that makes YOU safer ala a first aid kit or an earthquake go- bag. 
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 21, 2018, 10:34:51 AM
Oh, I don't know.  I can imagine some widely travelled 'Prepper' type keeping back-ups of his emergency bug-out kit in various safe deposit boxes. 

Must admit I've never heard anyone call it a safety deposit box.  Can see how it would annoy a 'word person' though.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 21, 2018, 11:05:45 AM
This is like calling an ATM a ATM machine. The M is for machine you numbskull.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 21, 2018, 01:08:04 PM
Like PIN number?  Although for some reason that one only occasionally jars.  I notice it more when the checkout girls gets it right.  "Please enter your PIN."
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 23, 2018, 09:45:30 AM
Now I'm scared; very scared. I seem to have been transported to an alternate reality where UK courts (some consolation it's not England) prosecute people for making offensive jokes.

To anyone reading this who has bought any of my books, I strongly suggest you burn them, or at least rip out and eat all the pages containing anti-religious poems. If you don't you risk someone seeing them, complaining, and then I'm going to end up in a forking Scottish prison!

I have never before felt so ashamed of my own country. Never again will I be able to take the piss out of Trump's America without thinking: yeah but we are worse, we prosecuted someone for making a tasteless joke.

Why the fork is this happening?!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/03/20/youtube-user-convicted-hate-crime-pet-dogs-nazi-salutes/

 

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 23, 2018, 10:41:37 AM
There is proper and moral behavior and then there is political correctness and entitlement which led to the idea that we are entitled to never be offended and if we are, it is a capital offense.

Every offense is now a hate crime and every act of even the slightest violence is an act of terror. Please don't bump into anyone on the sidewalks. It's a morass out there.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 23, 2018, 11:36:36 AM
Please don't bump into anyone on the sidewalks. It's a morass out there.

And there are more asses every day.

As an example look at this link which I stumbled across, about a cosmetic surgery addict who is worried her bum implants will explode.

What the hell is wrong with some women ;-)

"Basically I'm a very insecure person, and the Brazillian butt-lift is very popular."

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to.

Insecurities are in your head, not your body.  Get them sorted out and the vehicle which carries you around will become something of an irrelevance as long as it's reasonably healthy.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 05, 2018, 07:45:22 PM
Why does Heather from Account Services keep calling me? I have pressed 2 to tell her to never call me again many times. She calls again. Today I pressed 8 to speak with a representative who guaranteed to get me a lower interest rate on my credit cards. I carry no balance on my credit cards and really wondered if they were going to pay me money every month, but instead, the Hispanic woman who spoke to me hung up when I asked for removal from her list.

Next time Heather from Account Services calls me to tell me there is no problem with my credit cards, I'm going to press 8 and demand to talk to Heather. I believe she might have gotten a little too close to me over the years of calling and calling and calling and calling.

Who in the hell actually responds to these scam artists? And why don't they keep a record of those of us who aren't suckers?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 17, 2018, 12:16:09 PM
Traffic is a bitch. Dick used to say that every night as he got home later and later each evening. Drove me crazy.

Now my phone tells me every single day that traffic is heavier than normal and to expect delays. If you have to tell me that every day, then it is not greater than normal. That IS the normal rush hour traffic. There is always a fender bender somewhere along the way as people head into the big city to work. That there aren't more of these accidents is amazing.

Rush hour is named for the hope, not the reality. All the people rushing into work or rushing home after work just clog up the roads and make everything slower than not rush hour. This is not news, it is life in a commuter culture. If we really cared about this to any extent, we would either allow people to work from home when the jobs allowed it, OR we would improve mass transit, which in a spread out suburban landscape is dauntingly expensive.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: MichaelEdits.com on June 02, 2018, 11:27:54 AM
Why do cars in North Carolina have turn signals? If any driver except me ever uses one, I automatically assume he's from out of state. I swear it wasn't like this when I left in 1999 to go to China. Y'all changed while I was gone. Don't do that.

Actually, I know why they can't use turn signals. They're using that hand to hold the cell phone.

Why the fork does idiocy on the highways bug me more than any other kind?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amanda on June 02, 2018, 01:47:35 PM
Why the fork am I still taking notice of things bullies said almost 30 years ago?  I'm not thick.  I can study at under-graduate level and even post-graduate level if I'm interested in the subject!  Yes, my eyes do glaze over with maths and science and arty things, totally agree with you on that, but childcare (especially child psychology) and I'm the top of the class so screw you bullies of my past, you're not welcome in my future any more!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: MichaelEdits.com on June 02, 2018, 01:49:39 PM
I'll ignore my bullies if you ignore yours. I'm so friggin old that I shouldn't be able to remember them. I've forgotten almost everything else.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amanda on June 02, 2018, 02:01:55 PM
Things like that make me grateful for my damaged brain - their comments have controlled huge chunks of my brain for way too long.

Not any more though!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on June 02, 2018, 03:13:30 PM
Why the fork do people assume that just because you didn't bleat on an on about how hard something was, it must have been easy. I needed to lose some weight, so I got on with it and lost a stone / 14lbs / 6.5kg in about a month.

Now Mrs H keeps staring at me and telling me how lucky I am that weight just falls off me even though I put in no effort, while no matter how hard she strives she can't lose a single lb (0.45 kg).

Bull shirt! I am not lucky I'm forking disciplined!! I quietly got on with having no: cake, biscuits/cookies, sweets/candy, chocolate, desserts, snacks. She, on the other hand, tried the technique of not changing her diet while repeating the daily mantra: I must lose some weight.

I accept I may have been a tiny bit smug. Weighing myself in front of her, looking down at the reading and emitting a squeak of delight might have been somewhat annoying, but I was just trying to be encouraging. Honest.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on June 02, 2018, 06:16:03 PM
I love her technique. I so wish it would work for me.
To be fair, men have an easier time losing weight than women, but it's hard for all of us. Congratulations. Here, have a cookie.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on June 02, 2018, 08:33:32 PM
Why are some thumb drives so wide across the body that you can't plug two of them into adjoining USB ports?

The little green one is cheap and cheerful, without even an end cap, but it does have a hole for a lanyard or key ring.

The middle one is the space hogging 'fat bastard'.

The purple one has a whole empty half inch, totally unnecessary, which makes it more susceptible to being knocked.

If the little green one had an end cap I'd buy a dozen.

If ever there was a product where standardisation, apart from colour and capacity, wouldn't hurt at all, this is it.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amanda on June 06, 2018, 08:28:32 PM
Why the fork was I getting so stressed out about going into town to get my eyes tested today?

Steve (the hubby) put Patrick (my powered wheelchair) together for me and off I wheeled into town.

Got there 50 minutes early and by the time I got out of having my eyes tested I was shocked by the price they were going to charge me for a thorough test, new frames and really strong lenses... I was thinking it'd be around the £400 mark, but I was soooo wrong.

It was just under £27 in total - test, frames and lenses all included!

Why the fork was I getting so stressed out about it before I even got there?!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on July 01, 2018, 10:47:12 AM
Why the fork do people who don't know stuff ask a question of people who do know stuff ... then start arguing the forking toss about the answer?!

Example:

Person who doesn't know: What sort of plug fuse do I need for the lamp?

Person who knows: 3 amp.

Person who doesn't know: Are you sure it's 3 amp?

Person who knows: Yep.

Person who doesn't know: The plug on the lamp says 13 amp.

Person who knows gives helpful explanation about how forking fuses work and why the fork we have different sizes and how it is that what it says on the forking plug is no indication of the size of the fuse inside.

Person who doesn't know: I've checked every lamp in the house, and all our neighbours' lamps, and they are all 13 amp plugs.

Person who knows stuff then googles 'what size forking fuse is needed for a lamp?' and shows person who knows fork all the result : 3 amp!!

Person who doesn't know: Ah OK. Nevermind that. Would you put this 13 amp fuse in the lamp plug as I can't figure out how the plug comes to bits; and anyway, you are better with this sort of thing because you know stuff.

Person who knows stuff agrees to put 13 amp fuse in plug, then proceeds to put a 3 amp fuse in instead while person who doesn't know stuff isn't looking.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 01, 2018, 01:51:16 PM
Some people will never accept that a 13 amp plug can safely use a lower amperage of fuse.  Or that using a lower rated fuse is safer.  Probably because they don't really know what a fuse is for.  Or that if a 13 amp fuse has popped it's a good idea to try and find out why rather than just replace it.

These are the kind of people who if the replacement fuses keep popping will go to the shop and complain they were sold naff fuses, or ask if they can buy something stronger.  (Darwinism in action.)

After all, if that's what came with the plug it must be right.  Right?  These are the same kind of people who buy a new laptop when the old ones 'gets full up'.  The same kind of people who struggle with a too small default font 'because that's the way the factory set it up, so it must be right'.

In most modern homes built or rewired within the last ten years the trip switches built into the meter will disconnect before a 13 amp fuse blows.

As an extreme example this kind of person I give you a bakery owner down in Cornwall.  We had a new electric oven installed, a wondrous piece of kit but it kept blowing fuses.  These were 100 amp fuses and it sounded like a .410 shotgun cartridge when they blew at night.

So in order to keep things going he replaced it with a four inch nail, which was sufficiently robust to trip the switches at the local substation and bring him to the attention of SWE.  The fact half the village lost its lights as well may have helped ;-)

The fault wasn't in the oven, but in the bakery owner.  The oven had a 'black box' which turned the various decks on in sequence to avoid any sudden demand and overload.  It took about half an hour to get everything running nicely.  The dickhead had bypassed this to save time and narrowly avoided paying a hefty fine.

He didn't know anything about baking either.  But he was never short of opinions as to how we should do things ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Dwin on July 03, 2018, 12:17:52 PM
Why the fork do some people think they can win an argument with a ton of metal hurtling along the road? This is more or less aimed (excuse the pun) at the people who walk into six lane highways in the Middle East. Its thier belief that if Allah wants them to live they'll live, if Allah wants them to die they'll die; fatalism to the extreme.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 04, 2018, 02:10:21 PM
Then go ahead and drive into them and let Allah sort it out.



Why the fork do public service places not use all the available space they have built to serve the forking public trapped in their forking system?

Case in point: Going to the airport ... we now have to pay for our luggage to fly with us since airlines believe we all just day travel and need no luggage.

This is obviously incorrect as one looks at the snaking line to check all the luggage (for an extra fee per piece) we travel with. Delta is a big airline. Phoenix is a big airport. Knowing this, Delta built a luggage check in area with ten spaces to check in the luggage. They had two of them staffed. The line grew longer and longer and longer.

When it got to the tipping point, whatever the hell that was, they decided to bring in more staff to move us along at a snail's pace instead of even slower than that.

Where did the people come from and why weren't they there sooner? Who staffs this crap like this? Delta is very proud of their new uniforms and told me so on all their flights. They could have shown me more of the new uniforms by simply fully staffing the space they expensively built.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 04, 2018, 02:41:11 PM
On a river the delta is the area where the river widens, slows,down, and the silt accumulates.  Perhaps this is their model.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 05, 2018, 12:19:10 PM
It might be.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: MichaelEdits.com on July 05, 2018, 01:03:30 PM
If Driver A honks their horn, and Driver B doesn't hear it, why does Driver A then flick their headlights? I mean, there's just no way to hear the headlights flicking over the sound of all those horns.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 10, 2018, 12:09:21 PM
playing a game, I entered sizing system and it made me thing of this annoying what the fork?


I don't know where H&M originated, but their children's sizing is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. I tried to buy something there for a granddaughter. It was sized as Age 8. I tried to get a clerk to tell me in real sizes, what a size Age 8 might be and she told me it would fit an eight year old.

I worked in a grade school. Even in kindergarten, when the little shits are just five, they are a variety of sizes from diminutive to corpulent, from easy to confuse with a preschool kid or a second grader.

They don't have size Age 65 for Loki's sake. What the hell made them think every kid of a certain age is the same size? Did they not ever step outside their office?

I have two granddaughters who are three years apart in age and yet, Morgan is only slightly taller than Frankie and barely in one size up from her. Certainly, she is not three sizes bigger because Morgan is short and Frankie is tall.

I was unable to purchase any clothes there because I had no idea what size Age 8 meant. Who would do this?

PS, I did ask how they sized the adult clothes and got some answer about regular sizing, but I don't remember if it was European or American sizing. Why do we have so many sizing issues?

I know we have a lot of vanity sizing now so that "Marilyn Monroe wore a size 12" means absolutely nothing because when she was wearing that size 12, I was in a 10 and weighed 30 bounds less than I do now, wearing a size 6. And all this nonsense is why it is so difficult to buy clothing online.

Men's pants aren't any better. I remember reading that a size 34 inch waist is now something like a 37 inch measurement. But the inseam seems to have remained constant as men aren't getting taller, just fatter - like the women they adore.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 10, 2018, 12:40:14 PM
Couldn't agree more.  Size should be a proper measurement and not susceptible to a manufacturer's whim.

As for vanity sizes in dresses...  If you know you can only get into a size sixteen dress when it's really an eighteen or bigger who are you fooling?  It can't be yourself, because you know damned well what size it really is.  Your friends?  They know as well.

This only leaves strangers meeting you for the first time.

As a male I've known many ladies who struggle to fill a size 8, but still look lovely.  And a few who look fantastic in a size twenty because it fits and they don't look like an overfilled sausage skin.  Big and fat aren't synonymous;-)

Size isn't the first thing I notice about strange women - what do you mean, they're all strange? - unless they're at the extremes beyond six foot or less than five.  It's the way they carry themselves in general.  Confident or wary.  Happy or like a damp cloud dripping along the pavement.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 25, 2018, 10:26:51 AM
Today I could why the fork about life in general as both parents are now in hospital, one was taken in with severe chest pains and the other a broken leg a few hours later. But, by my age, I know shirt happens.

But why the fork do we have to compound "shirt happens" by piling on more of the brown stuff that could be avoided?! I don't approve of parking charges at hospitals, though I recognise them as a necessary evil. Surely, the winkers who implement such things could at least make the process simple. Why the fork can't I pay by credit card? Would that be so hard?!! Do I really have to find £7 cash every day?

While I was at the hospital I saw that all the beds in both wards I visited had TVs, but none were in use. Not a single one in the approx 50 beds. Of course, you have to pay to use them - fair enough as that would help pay for them. You can't pay at the bed with a credit card, you have to go through miles of corridor to a single pay station (not feasible for most patients) and once there pay by cash and it was ... wait for it ... £27.50 ($35) for ONE DAY. The cost for one week is more than the state pension.

The nurses and doctors were all great, none of this rant is directed towards them. But, the forking bureaucrats ... what a bunch of winkers.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on August 25, 2018, 12:08:57 PM
We get "free" parking and "free" TV, but the health care itself ...

Try paying for that shirt. It's a bit more than $35 per day.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on September 05, 2018, 08:01:35 PM
Mark, where do you sit on the political spectrum? I think I used to think you were a fiscal conservative, but I may have been misguided as my brain seems a bit friable these days, and everything is the opposite of what I used to believe (since about early 2016).

Anyway, I’m a high rate tax payer, and I’d happily stomach having some kind of entertainment for patients in hospital. TV wouldn’t be my first choice, but given that people are in hospital because they’re ill, might be the best option.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mastafrank on September 10, 2018, 01:54:00 AM
Some lady bums a smoke

Realized it was a native cigarette,than had the nerve to say she was gonna buy a pack of TM's instead(slang for expensive smokes)

Why the fork would you bum a smoke if you can afford real smoke .

A carton of Natives costs $20 versus $90 for TM's. Single packs of TM's cost anywhere from $9.90 to $14.75
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 10, 2018, 08:13:45 AM
Mark, where do you sit on the political spectrum? I think I used to think you were a fiscal conservative...

I'm not on the spectrum. The world is populated by bone idle cretins and many years ago I gave up expecting a sensible outcome when you start with such egregious inputs. I don't understand how anyone gets to my age (50s) and still thinks our political system (or anyone's) has merit. True I'd rather live in a state run by bumbling buffoons than a repressive theocracy or far right/left dictatorship, but that does not mean I think it effective.

I believe we could have a society with fewer laws where you pay less tax but still look after the sick, elderly and unfortunate - and most importantly (for me) where we don't need to make other creatures on our planet suffer. But I expect it to be some few hundred years in the future. Meanwhile, I shall make the most of a bad job.

Why the fork did you ask me that question?! Now big brother will flag me as an anarchist.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 10, 2018, 08:24:36 AM
Why the fork did you ask me that question?! Now big brother will flag me as an anarchist.

With predictive text and similar modern afflictions Big Brother is just as likely to 'flog you as an Antichrist'.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 16, 2018, 02:53:56 PM

Where did the people come from and why weren't they there sooner? Who staffs this crap like this? Delta is very proud of their new uniforms and told me so on all their flights. They could have shown me more of the new uniforms by simply fully staffing the space they expensively built.
Employees pay for their uniforms. When I was a flight attendant in 1986, I had to pay over $2,000 for my basic uniform, mandatory 3 piece luggage, a leather handbag, 2 pairs of shoes, my card key, and badge.

The object is to give the least amount of service, with the least amount of complaints, to be the manager with the lowest overhead.

I haven't seen the inner workings of an airport luggage conveyor system since 1989 but, if they are anything like they were then, the airlines should pay passengers to allow the airlines to handle their luggage.

My former roommates, still work for Delta as flight attendants. Delta treats their employees pretty badly too. Many of the perks that went with that thankless job have been cut or rolled back, including retirement.

The CEO's, company board members, and big shareholders keep profiting nicely though.

Today I could why the fork about life in general as both parents are now in hospital, one was taken in with severe chest pains and the other a broken leg a few hours later. But, by my age, I know shirt happens.

While I was at the hospital I saw that all the beds in both wards I visited had TVs, but none were in use. Not a single one in the approx 50 beds. Of course, you have to pay to use them - fair enough as that would help pay for them. You can't pay at the bed with a credit card, you have to go through miles of corridor to a single pay station (not feasible for most patients) and once there pay by cash and it was ... wait for it ... £27.50 ($35) for ONE DAY. The cost for one week is more than the state pension.

The nurses and doctors were all great, none of this rant is directed towards them. But, the forking bureaucrats ... what a bunch of winkers.
Mark, I hope your parents have recovered. 

Next time someone is in the hospital, take a laptop and use a cell phone as a hot spot, unless the WiFi is free. Be sure the laptop has a tracking device or some kind of theft deterrent.

Hospital and hotel television remotes are among the most germ ridden, filthy things you can touch, So, if you or your loved ones do use the television, sterilize the remotes, first.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 16, 2018, 03:30:05 PM
If you haven't had the experience of driving on a California freeway, good for you.  I cannot figure out why the fork people must be such forking jerks on the freeway, or any road, for that matter.

I'm a conscientious, polite, albeit, impatient driver. I use my blinkers when I need to change lanes, I don't blast my brights into other people's rear-view mirror, and I dim the brights for oncoming traffic.

In bumper to bumper traffic, when you use your blinkers as they are meant, to indicate you are changing lanes, there are too many asshats who will speed up, tailgate the person in front of them so they can block you from getting in front of them, rather than let you into the lane you need to change in to, in order to exit the freeway.

Why? Is one more car in front of them for five seconds really going to set them back? It's getting worse too. You must plan your exit way in advance, and good luck if you aren't familiar with the area and your exit comes up unexpectedly. It is becoming a rarity to have someone let or wave you in.


Another thing I notice more and more frequently is, when waiting to make a left turn across traffic, and waiting for a break in the traffic, there seem to be a lot of forkers who will see the blinker, and speed up considerably, breaking away from the pack to try to beat you to the turn, often making you miss your break in the traffic. It really gets my goat if they do this, then drive slowly in front of you, or if they do this to try to beat you to the drive through.

It pisses me off to the point, I hear myself calling people names, outloud. My filter is thinning.


~Deb
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 17, 2018, 09:11:40 PM
Why the fork did the Olympic committee include the new sport of "filling the dishwasher with the least amount of things" into its list of sports?! Well, I assume that's what has happened as my GF has been training for it. I reckon she has a good chance of a medal. The other day she managed to fill both shelves with no more than an eggcup, a tea plate and an espresso cup. I have no idea how she does it, but I'm forking impressed.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 18, 2018, 01:29:32 AM
 ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 20, 2018, 10:48:52 PM
I'm here babysitting my granddaughter. She has homework due tomorrow. It is web based. Their website is down. She had all week to do this. She tried last night and the website was down. it was up for a few minutes this morning in school, but then crapped out again. And it is down now.

What the fork are we supposed to do now? I sent an email to the teacher letting him know we are trying, but really, this is not something that should be a problem. I don't know if it a schoo, county, or state problem. I do know I can't fix it.

I remember books and paper and pencils.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 21, 2018, 10:05:52 AM
Why in the fork does the, "?" take priority over the, "/" on the computer keyboard?

Why should the, "?" require us to use the "SHIFT" key, when clearly, the question mark is used much more frequently than the forward slash?

In day to day writing, writers use the lower case option more frequently than the upper case letters, requiring the, "SHIFT" key. We also use the, question mark, more frequently than we use the, forward slash key. So, why in the world do we have to use the, "SHIFT" key for something we use all the time when that  isn't the requirement for other symbolic keys?

Shouldn't the, forward slash, be the needier key, "requiring the, SHIFT" key, since it is used less often than the question mark?


Just saying, it annoys the fork out of me!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 23, 2018, 09:20:25 AM
Why the fork are we still using verbal speech instead of sign language as our prime means of communication. It's ageist if nothing else. All those forking mumbling young people sporting their fancy young ears are just fine aren't they, while the rest of us spent our time saying every forking thing multiple times and shouting. You get so forking used to shouting that on the odd occasion you get to speak to someone under 50 you forget to turn down the volume and scare the carp out of them.

If we taught everyone sign language from an early age and made it the primary means of communication think of all the benefits. For a start, you wouldn't need signs in libraries to tell you to keep quiet. OK libraries don't exist anymore, but that was the first benefit that sprang to mind :-\

And it would be great for old people. They would not need hearing aids AND they'd get loads of exercise waving their hands about.

People with no hands would be forked, but, you can't please all of the people all of the time.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 23, 2018, 10:25:08 AM
Everyone already knows the sign language for telling people to, "fork off" so we've at least got that one covered. ;)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 23, 2018, 10:49:48 AM
And everyone knows the one for Richard Head too. Spot the theme?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 23, 2018, 01:38:47 PM
Just as a point of interest, in American Sign Language, the movement for fork off is not the standard movement used in general society.

I'm bihandial in swearing.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on September 23, 2018, 01:48:48 PM
Also, people with arthritis of the hands would be a little bit forked at least.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 23, 2018, 01:50:07 PM
as would the blind
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Amie on September 23, 2018, 01:51:52 PM
Dyspraxics - would be accused of mumbling.

And the concept of hands-free would definitely have to go on the back burner.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 23, 2018, 02:52:34 PM
What about the dyslexics in sign language, if you're spelling? Can they tell, k, from, p?   ;D
Just as a point of interest, in American Sign Language, the movement for fork off is not the standard movement used in general society.
I knew this, but was being a smart Alec. The ASL movement to, fork you, is grander, by far.

I'm bihandial in swearing.
As all good swearers, ASL users, and ambidextrous people should be.

My husband is on Wheel of Fortune, Bloopers, with his friend George at 22 seconds.  George and Darren ASL. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoq_eywyk4c) Pat says to my husband, "You're signing, I noticed, and what does that tell us?"
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 23, 2018, 09:46:53 PM
We could modify sign language and accompany each movement with a squeak, whistle, or another sound representative of the movement. This would aid the blind. It would also enable you to call someone a useless forker even if the lights were off.

Thoughts?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 24, 2018, 10:19:30 AM
That would be like learning caveman language.  ;D  Have you ever seen/heard two people fight in sign language? It's something.


This whole language thing brings about the question, why in the fork do they have braille instructions at bank drive through windows? What blind person would be driving, besides my husband, but he doesn't read braille? ;) **

Do any other countries have drive through banking windows with braille instructions?

** I say that about my husband because, on the way to return our rental van after vacation, I drove the rental, he drove my Highlander. He rear-ended someone at a stoplight, from a standstill. He thought the guy went at the green light. The guy didn't, Darren did. Drove right into him. The following week, he rear-ended my Highlander with his car, from a stop sign because I slammed on my brakes as soon as I took off to avoid hitting a little, bitty kid riding a little, bitty bicycle in the middle of the street where he had no business being. Our dog was in my husband's car, front seat, head out the window, and Darren thought Russet (dogger) was going to jump out the window, so leaned to grab Russet's collar. (Russet's never once tried that) I was turning right and hadn't gone more than 20 feet from the Stop sign.

Luckily, both mishaps happened at less than 5 mph. I've got some oxidized blue paint on my silver bumper and the front, underside of my car is scratched but no major damage or dents. Whew.

Which brings me to the next, Why the Fork...

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 30, 2018, 04:57:05 AM
Since we moved back into town, with the riverbed no longer at our back door, we must drive there to let the dog get adequate exercise. He's had the freedom of mostly leash-free, riverbed walks his entire life and loves to chase rabbits. He’s a big dog, a German Shepard mix, and it seems cruel to expect him to conform to city dog walks on a leash when his instincts tell him to sniff out the hunt. Dogs need to run. We don’t especially care for city walks anyway.

The riverbed is dirty, I use my car for business and transporting my paintings, and since I’ve had children, I’ve developed allergies to dogs, so, I can’t ride to the riverbed in the car with my man and his second, best friend. Therefore, we drive two cars to the riverbed right before sunset, after it’s cooled off a bit.

We moved across the street from the house where my husband grew up. He and I lived there together for twenty-seven-years and raised our kids to the ages of 14 and 18 in that house, before our move to the peaceful ranch four years ago. We’re back from the ranch and have history in this neighborhood and know a lot of our neighbors, some more judgmental than others.

About a month ago, as we left for our walk, I drove the length of one block to turn right at a Stop sign where a car sat on the corner and created a blind spot, just high enough to block my view of a little boy, maybe six or seven-years-old, riding his little bike on the wrong side of the road, about to round the corner where I was driving from, in my direct path. My husband was behind me and distracted by the dog as he excelled from the Stop sign, didn't expect me to slam on my brakes as I rounded the corner in front of him, and rear-ended me.

The little boy stopped his bike, stood with it between his legs, about three feet from my car and we locked eyes. I am always on the lookout for critters and little kids that run into the street between cars, but this kid was already in the street. His forehead was the same height as the top of my hood.

I don't know about you but it immediately pisses me off to be rear-ended, because I firmly believe it is usually preventable. I was annoyed at my husband and pissed off that I wouldn't have been rear-ended if this little kid's parents were looking after him properly. Why in the fork was a tiny human on his bicycle, on the wrong side of a busy street, unsupervised at dusk, no less?

I didn't think about what I was going to say, so, with no filters I yelled," What are you doing in the street? I almost hit you!" I may or may not have said, “You could have been killed.” I don’t remember saying it, but I remember thinking it.

I took a breath, pointed to the sidewalk and sternly told the boy, "Get on the sidewalk and wait for me, I want to talk to your grownups."

Yes. I said that.

I pulled over to park in front of the car that caused the blind spot, my husband made a U-turn in the alley across from where I parked, so we faced opposite directions. I’m okay, you’re okay, dog’s okay.

 I approached the kid on the sidewalk. “Where are your parents?”

“My mom, uh, she went to the bank for the money, Dad’s at work.”

“Who is looking out for you, do you have a babysitter?”

“My Nana, she’s in the trailer, and Papa is in the alley.”

 “Do they know you’re on your bicycle right now?”

“Uh huh. They tol’ me to so Nana could watch TV and sleep.”

“Do your grandparents speak English?”

“No.”

“When will your parents be home?”

“At dark.”

I wasn’t going to wait. If these people don’t care enough about this kid to watch out for him, they weren’t going to listen to me. I felt it my duty to teach this kid a lesson that I doubted anyone else would. And I didn’t want to imagine what Hell both of our lives, and our family’s lives would be if I hadn’t seen him in time. One second looking at the radio, or my phone, or in the mirror, he would have been hit by, or run over with a 5,400 lb. vehicle. If I had hit that kid, his life and my life would have taken drastic turns.

Mind you, I’m still at full tilt. This scared the fork out of me.

“I need you to listen to me very carefully, okay?”

He nodded, compliantly.

“You are much too little to be riding a bicycle on the street. It’s hard to see you. Someone crashed into me and wrecked my car because I had to slam on my brakes to keep from hitting you. If I hadn’t been paying attention, and stopped in time, you could have been hurt very badly or maybe even killed.  People drive too fast and some don’t pay attention. If you are in the street and someone doesn’t see you, you’re going to hit by a car. You don’t want that do you?”

Uh huh.

“Okay. I’m not going to talk to your parents today but if I ever see you ride your bike in the street again, I’m going to call the police on you and they can come talk to you and your parents. Do you understand?”

“Yep.”

“I live here, so I’ll be watching. I want you to stay out of the street!”

Nods.

The collision was loud enough that a few neighbors came out to see what the ruckus was all about. I can't imagine how it looks to see one spouse rear-end the other, one block from home. These scenes happen during domestic disputes and drunken stupidity, but we were on our way to the riverbed for a walk and had an audience, although I wasn't aware until the moment I walked back to my car.

As I drove away I worried I’d gone too far. I don’t want kids to be afraid of police. Had I made an ass out myself in sanctimonious b*tch style in front of some of the more judgmental gossips? Consternation plagued me off and on the rest of the evening. Not about the gossips but the,"What if?"

Why the fork aren’t people looking after their kids?

Guess who my husband saw riding a bike in the middle of the street with two girls, about the same size and smaller, on their bikes?

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 30, 2018, 09:48:49 AM
Bottom line, Deb, is you can't educate pork.  But pork is very good at educating its own offspring in all the necessary skills and attributes to become even more porcine.

You did what you could.

But never stop trying, there may be one kid in a hundred who listens to the outsider and takes a different path.  You'll probably never know which ones, but it's a good thought to hang onto ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 30, 2018, 11:22:05 AM
Or think of it this way, in a pack of three, they were easier to see.

I let my kids play outside without me after they were old enough to go to school. Not preschool, but real school. I'm sure they did dumb shit. I know this, because even while I was watching carefully, they did dumb shit. Kids do dumb shit. It's their job.

I know I was only seven or eight when Marcia, a year younger than me, and I were permitted to walk downtown, a distance of a couple miles and crossing many, many streets. We went to the local candy store and bought a quarter's worth of chunk chocolate, which back then was a pretty sizable amount.

I think we don't watch our kids 24/7 because then they will not learn and grow up to be semi-sane adults. The best we can do is hope they listened to us when they still worshipped the ground we walked on, so the first few years of life. Then, it's pretty much all a crap shoot.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 30, 2018, 01:43:56 PM
I see your point Patti and although I don't disagree (I did my fair share of stupid things) my stupidity wouldn't have directly ruined a random stranger's life. It's just that I came so close to hitting this kid, how would I live with myself if I had maimed or killed a child? It scared the shit out of me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on October 01, 2018, 03:14:46 PM
Another of my neighbors was driving down the street, minding her own business when an unsupervised small person on a smaller Big Wheel, flew down the driveway and into the side of her car. She dragged plastic bike and kid for some distance before she could get the car stopped.

She was more devastated by the incident than the kid who was only minimally hurt. Something like a broken leg, but I don't remember exactly.

I understand your predicament as well. That's why drivers should stay alert. We don't always do that.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 11, 2018, 03:43:13 PM
Why the fork am I always so disappointed!

I'm fifty forking nine and have had bank accounts since I as in my early teens. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that bankers are the thickest bunch of useless buffoons you could ever hope to find. It's as if banking is a magnet for stupidity. And let's be honest here, the competition is pretty tough. To win gold in stupidity is a major achievement and yet banks do it year after year after year. And yet, I live in hope.

What have the useless forkers done to you today, Mark? I hear you cry. Well I'll tell you. Today they sent me a handy contact card so I can stay in control of my account whatever I'm up too! Well I forking doubt that as all it is is a bit of card with the bank's name on the front just below a picture of a surfer (why???) and their telephone number on the back printed in a tiny font (winkers!).

On the back of the card, there is also a big white box with the words User Id printed above. Now that is handy I think. I'll ignore all their earlier warnings about not writing down user ids and write mine in the white box.

Wait for it. You will enjoy this. The forking card is coated in some kind of protective plastic onto which it is impossible to write!

No wonder so many coffin dodgers keep their cash in a biscuit tin in the cupboard. I'm starting to think that's not such a bad idea.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 11, 2018, 06:11:35 PM

No wonder so many coffin dodgers keep their cash in a biscuit tin in the cupboard. I'm starting to think that's not such a bad idea.


And why don't they make decent biscuit tins anymore?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 11, 2018, 07:01:38 PM

No wonder so many coffin dodgers keep their cash in a biscuit tin in the cupboard. I'm starting to think that's not such a bad idea.


And why don't they make decent biscuit tins anymore?

Try Lazzaroni Chiostro di Saronno Amaretti. The tin makes the perfect piggy bank for the discerning pensioner.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Lazzaroni-Chiostro-di-Saronno-Amaretti-Biscuit-Assortment-345g-Tin-/283192803422



Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 05, 2018, 08:59:41 AM
Why the fork do they send out Jury Duty summons for New Years Eve? Yes, I have one of those.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 05, 2018, 01:16:20 PM
I pour a cup of coffee in the morning and then read Dear Abby and Miss Manners letters while I sip the delightful brew. At this point, I'm not totally awake yet, and so this might be more irritating than if I were fully caffeinated, it bothers the fork out of me.

Why in the name of all that is unholy do they put in those flashing ads where it flits from thing to thing to thing to thing and makes it impossible to read the forking article, the reason I went there in the first place? I have a table (the paper kind) that I prop up over the flashing ad so I can read, but it is irritating the shit out of me.

Since I'm on a new diet, I've been looking for recipes. Instead of giving me a recipe, they like to put in a picture, six ads with some flashing, a paragraph of story, a picture, six more forking ads, repeat that ten times and as you scroll thru to try to find the recipe, it keeps refreshing all the flashing ads and video ads and takes you back to the top of the page.

I tried to copy a recipe, after the mystery hunt and finding the forking thing, and put it into Word so I could save it. It was 43 pages long because it brought in all the ads. For one forking recipe.

I realize ads are what makes the internet "free" and it is the price I pay for using it. But the ads don't need to make everything unusable, do they?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 05, 2018, 01:43:07 PM
To the advertising creatures, who probably emerge from some black lagoon, the adverts don't make the net unusable.  It's the serious text bits in between the ads which are the problem.

One day, when the entire world is twitching on the floor in a flashing light induced attack of pseudo epilepsy, and nobody is clicking links for several seconds, they may briefly wonder where it all went wrong.  But then they will feel the need to rush around the off-grid areas waving signs and shouting through bullhorns in order to 'capture a new and previously unexplored marketing area'.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 09, 2018, 06:51:09 AM
I refuse to buy anything advertised 'at' me from any website. I used to wonder what kind of people actually bought things from those ridiculous, irritating ads. Then Trump was elected and it became quite clear.

Why the fork are there so many stupid people in the world? Sometimes I wonder how society has progressed as far as it has.

At a four way stop today, the first driver to arrive at the intersection tried waving three of us on, which almost caused an accident and a pedestrian to get run over because one fool progressed through the intersection at the wave of the first driver's hand. I refused go out of turn and waited until the "nice" person, who clearly had no concept of the purpose of traffic rules, had gone.

I'm sure my exaggerated gestures of refusal and, pointing to the idiot who felt it was her duty to be the four-way-stop traffic conductor, to go, was not lost on the other two drivers who approached after the first guy followed her direction and nearly hit an elderly woman in the crosswalk.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 18, 2018, 01:06:34 PM
Glitter? Really? Why the fork does anyone put glitter on a greeting card and then what idiots want to annoy the fork out of their friends by sending such an atrocity as a friendly hello?

It makes even more of a mess then the damn confetti that was all the rage a couple years ago. There was a lovely idea. Open a card and get litter all over your floor/table/clothes/flat surfaces.

Glitter is worse. It continues to make messes and stick to everything until it is thrown into the trash. Seems like such an uncharitable thing to do, but what the fork is one supposed to do with the ever constant littering piece of crap? There is glitter on the counter, on the floor, on the table, on my pants, and it will continue to spread for the gods alone know how long because it just will not leave.

I know who sent the card. I just don't know why they hate me that much.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 18, 2018, 01:11:23 PM
Did it come from Australia?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 18, 2018, 01:13:12 PM
No, it came from Chicago. Maybe the glitter is frozen in place there.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2018, 05:00:42 AM
Glitter? Really? Why the fork does anyone put glitter on a greeting card and then what idiots want to annoy the fork out of their friends by sending such an atrocity as a friendly hello?

It makes even more of a mess then the damn confetti that was all the rage a couple years ago. There was a lovely idea. Open a card and get litter all over your floor/table/clothes/flat surfaces.

Glitter is worse. It continues to make messes and stick to everything until it is thrown into the trash. Seems like such an uncharitable thing to do, but what the fork is one supposed to do with the ever constant littering piece of crap? There is glitter on the counter, on the floor, on the table, on my pants, and it will continue to spread for the gods alone know how long because it just will not leave.

I know who sent the card. I just don't know why they hate me that much.
I concur.

I opened a card from my loving aunt and uncle two days ago. The next day, I moved the card to a more appropriate place. An hour later, I saw glitter on my neck.

No one told me my neck was sparkling with flecks of silver.

Why the fork are people afraid to tell you if your mascara is smeared under your eyes or worse, under your eyebrow(s) or that there is something shiny, out of place on your neck? Last I checked, freckles didn't sparkle. Did they think I decorated myself with glitter? That's so 1980's. The glitter, not the lack of frankness.

Where is Frank when you need him? ;)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 20, 2018, 07:25:00 AM
I was in a meeting the other day and one of the be-suited corporate types had glitter on his face. I naturally assumed he'd been to a titty bar, but now you have me thinking maybe he just has relations/friends with such poor taste they send cards with glitter on them. [shudders].

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2018, 07:37:45 AM
The relatives and friends who send cards, even cards with glitter, are loving and thoughtful people, and deeply appreciated.

But the people who don't tell you that there's a speck on your nose, mascara on your face, glitter on your neck, or bird crap on your back don't really care about you, or they wouldn't let you run around looking unkempt. Well, that's an overstatement but still, if there is a piece of tape hanging off the back of my skirt, or toilet paper stuck to the back of my shoe, or glitter on my nose, tell me!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 20, 2018, 07:50:47 AM
Some people send cards because they are kind and thoughtful. Others because they feel obliged to send them due to tradition and peer pressure. Some, don't send them at all but instead give the cost of the cards and postage to charity.  :)

I'm firmly in the last group and also encourage gift givers to donate rather than buy me gifts. I'm seen by some as miserable old git. Why the fork is that? Surely charity is better than bits of card that just get trashed in early Jan?!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2018, 08:23:29 AM
Then there are the ones who claim to send cards or give something to charity, but really do neither.  I believe I'm related to one and the term for that is worse than any old git - the term is, sociopath. 

I wonder what use they serve in this world? Sociopaths, like mosquitoes, are blood suckers that bite, leave you itching, occasionally create scars, and sometimes cause or spread, deadly disease.  Why the fork they were put on this earth is beyond me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 20, 2018, 08:32:42 AM
Why the fork they were put on this earth is beyond me.

The most charitable explanation is that they are there to help the rest of us feel good about ourselves.  But in these days of mass communication why do we need so many?  One outstanding public example from each generation would be plenty.

Let's face it, Hitler still has plenty of 'monster' mileage left in him.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2018, 08:54:57 AM

Let's face it, Hitler still has plenty of 'monster' mileage left in him.

Sad but true.

I fail to see anything charming or captivating about Hitler, but every sociopath I've ever met, is devilishly charming and usually appear more clever than they aught to be. Trump is a blaring exception.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 20, 2018, 09:04:33 AM
Allegedly the man was a real charmer on the personal level unless you accidentally pressed one of his 'hot buttons', in which case he became the ranting lunatic of countless news-clips.

He seduced almost an entire nation and only resorted to ruling by fear once he'd established his grip.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2018, 09:31:43 AM
So I've read.

I find it hard to believe, one, that he was charming, and two, he was able to turn so many people into monsters and murderers. It is beyond the scope of my mind that these things have gone on, and continue to go on in the world.  It scares me to hear so many people speak of Trump as such a,"Great Leader" while he separates children from their families with impunity at the border. I wonder, "What's wrong with these people?"

Makes, civilization, an oxymoron.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 20, 2018, 10:02:26 AM
Sheep look for shepherds and flock around them.

Wild mountain goats look out for predators, and avoid them ;-)  Even fight them if they have to.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 20, 2018, 10:07:23 AM
I don't reckon the likes of Hitler and Trump are charismatic. To me, it's more a matter of an unbreakable and unwarranted level of self-confidence combined with a total lack of self-awareness.

It starts with a hideously ugly young man (stupid hair or moustache) discovering that he can get laid while intelligent, handsome yet, meek blokes never win fair maids. Ugly bloke (stupid or intelligent, charismatic or dull) lacks self-awareness and so wins out when most of us would have given up in shame. This snowballs and success leads to success in business/politics ... whatever.

Ugly bloke is surrounded by people who have a sneaking suspicion that he's a total tosser, but his success disproves their suspicion, so they keep quiet. History or criminal charges eventually out some of them.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2018, 10:24:14 AM
This was not lost on Hans Christian Andersen when he wrote, The Emperor's New Clothes.

I'm sure the fact that these guys have money doesn't hurt where the ladies are concerned. I had a friend, more of an acquaintance now, look at me incredulously and ask, "Why in the world would you marry for love when you can have anything you want if you marry a man with money?"


I still blink repeatedly when I think of it. As though she spit in my eye.


 
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 20, 2018, 02:44:27 PM
Why the fork do people think German manufacturers and German products are good. They are not they are utter pants. We foolishly accepted the kitchen fitters recommendation to go for AEG only to enter a 4-year long odyssey of constant appliance fault and repair. The winkers who do the repairs got so tired of visiting that they arranged a new dishwasher. Ha! The forking thing is broken.

So after about a gazillion phone calls and a decade of listening to on hold music, an engineer is booked for a week's time.

Vorsprung Durch Technik as they say in Germany, which loosely translated means: fooled ya!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 20, 2018, 03:38:05 PM
I think some products are always lemons no matter how good the overall manufacturing is at the particular company. I'm going to guess there are even Friday afternoon Rolls Royces.

In manufacturing, the Germans got the reputation for precision and while it is true for a few manufacturing entities (Mercedes Benz for instance) it doesn't mean it carries over to all. And even the most elite have bad apples. The difference between Porsche and Volkswagen comes to mind.

Stereotypes are based on something, but there are always outliers.

I hope you get a fixed dishwasher out of it.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 20, 2018, 06:42:09 PM
I think some products are always lemons no matter how good the overall manufacturing is at the particular company. I'm going to guess there are even Friday afternoon Rolls Royces.

There is a wonderful story about a man whose Rolls-Royce broke down - with a broken drive shaft no less.  He phoned the dealer and was surprised when something similar to a furniture van arrived very promptly, and the Rolls was winched inside and the door locked.  A 'loaner' Rolls was provided so he could continue his journey in the style to which he was accustomed.

Twenty four later his own Rolls was delivered to his home and the loaner driven away.  When the bill didn't arrive he phoned the dealer to query it.

"Sorry, but you must be mistaken, Sir.  Rolls-Royces never break down."

I queried this tale once with an old RAC man, who smiled and said, "Well...  We had standing orders that if we ever had a Rolls on the trailer we were to hide it under a tarpaulin."
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 21, 2018, 11:52:49 AM
Pride is one thing, simply ripping people off, is another.


Did you know, according to, Adam Ruins Everything,  that farmers are not allowed to work on their own John Deer tractors or have anyone else, other than factory approved technicians/mechanics do repairs or maintenance? The tractors will not run if messed with. That's greed. Pure greed.

Five minutes on why you don't own your tech. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD099sPTKgo&ab_channel=truTV) With a special note on VW.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 21, 2018, 12:09:33 PM
There are several types of things out there that have a "Warranty invalid if you break the seal" kind of thing. Only factory authorized workers allowed. People who don't know crap like to "fix" things by breaking them further. I'm married to one of those. Great heart, horrible fixer.

If your whatever is already out of warranty, no risk at all to take the chance and see if you can fix it yourself.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 21, 2018, 12:41:27 PM
That's why I rent my washing machine now.  I used to be able to fix them until the proliferation of 'black boxes' and circuit boards screwed that up for me.

In about ten years of rental I have to say the German machines have never let me down.  I've never even had to have an engineer out.  If it ever does fail a free repair or replacement is part of the deal.  I do clean out the filter about every three months and used to clean off the encrusted ridge of soap powder which always accumulates under the soap drawer at the same time.

I use liquid now, which all gets washed into the machine to do its job, and only half the amount the liquid makers suggest.  It still works well.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 22, 2018, 12:30:24 PM
That's something I hadn't considered, Gyppo. Great idea.

If you don't mind my asking, what does a washer rent for?

I'm going to have to look into that because the hard water here ruins everything, so buying a $600 to $1000 washing machine is literally throwing money down the drain, only to get clogged in the piping.  :)


That was an "Aha" moment.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 22, 2018, 01:16:55 PM
I'm going to guess rental pricing is very different for the two of you. But you could look at Rent-A-Center or something like that and get pricing. If the price of the monthly rental more than covers the cost of how long the appliance lasts, it may not be the best bet, but it is an option.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 22, 2018, 01:31:51 PM
Mine costs me £20 a month.  (£240 a year which gets taken by direct debit so I never see it in the first place.  It's become what I think of as a 'background expense', another utility like heating and water bills.  Already 'spoken for' so I don't count it as part of my 'available money'.

For the same amount I could buy an adequate machine and hope it lasts a few years beyond it's warranty.  (Which is what we did for years, when I could do basic repairs and buy parts from a 'trade counter'.)

The one they provide costs a bit over £500 to buy, so well outside my normal range, and they wouldn't be offering free replacement and service calls if they broke down regularly.

If it gets vandalised or destroyed in a house fire or similar it's covered by my household insurance.

When I moved to the bungalow they offered to move it for me, or let me do it, but also offered to change it for a more efficient (green) newer model.  It would have cost a little bit more, but as an established customer I got the new one at the same rate.

They took the old one away (free) and it will have been reconditioned and offered as a low cost deal for students, and those with a lower income, but still with the free repair or replacement deal.

So it's worth going online and seeing if anyone in your part of the world offers a similar deal.

The major incentive for me was the hassle free presence of a machine which just does the job, with no problems.

Gyppo

 
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 01, 2019, 01:10:56 AM
What an interesting thread. I can see there's a lot of spleens being vented here.

Ok here goes . . .

Why the fork do people bother learning a language adequately and then choose NOT to use it correctly?

I refer, of course, to the ever present 'their-there-they're' conundrum.
Or (shudders) 'of' instead of 'would've/could've'. (shudders more for having to sully my dear keys with said outrage).

N.B. Vented spleens?  Is that the same as being shot? A bullet hole in the body would surely put a vent where it wasn't needed. Wouldn't it?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 01, 2019, 01:06:42 PM
What makes you think that everyone has thoroughly learned the language? It's fairly obvious they know not what they do.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 01, 2019, 01:25:41 PM
(shakes fist) these ruddy kids!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 01, 2019, 02:05:38 PM
Why the fork did anyone think this was a good idea?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KX05v4dpss

Each of the component parts is worthy in their own way, but as a whole... ;-(
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 01, 2019, 05:29:24 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzXoVo16pTg

Beethoven's Fifth called as a sporting event.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 02, 2019, 08:09:23 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzXoVo16pTg

Beethoven's Fifth called as a sporting event.

;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 05, 2019, 07:56:03 AM
Why the fork did anyone think this was a good idea?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KX05v4dpss

Each of the component parts is worthy in their own way, but as a whole... ;-(

Well, Daltry did ask for Potato Tots at .20. It's the only redeeming part of the video. 8)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 05, 2019, 08:01:44 AM
Beethoven's 5th? Why the fork did they include that piece on the "Golden Record" sent with Voyager, into space?


It sounds manic to me.  Not like a message we would want to send to other beings in the Universe.

It's as if we're saying,

"Yeah! We're f*cked up and proud of it! Check it out."

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 05, 2019, 12:11:30 PM
I think it was intended as a warning.

"We are The Earthlings and we are bad-ass.  Leave us alone in our little corner of the galaxy and we'll leave you alone.  You really don't want to mess with us.

"And as for all of you who came buzzing around in your UFOs in the 70's and beyond in response to The Carpenters Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft it was just a daft song, not a serious invitation.

"You really won't like us."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teBV0EoJJY8
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 05, 2019, 03:40:42 PM
What are Tater Tots?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 06, 2019, 06:09:04 AM
Tator Tots are tasty, unhealthy frozen food loved by most children in the USA in the 1970s.


A 2018 homemade version:https://damndelicious.net/2015/04/10/homemade-tater-tots/ (https://damndelicious.net/2015/04/10/homemade-tater-tots/)

Every middle-class American kid grew up with these frozen Tator Tots and was a favorite served in school cafeterias: Tator Tots (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tater_tots)

Yum! Heartburn City at this age.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 06, 2019, 11:47:59 AM
Sounds a bit like frozen Cadbury's Smash.

"For mash... Get Smashhhh."  ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 06, 2019, 12:26:27 PM
I still love Tater Tots and make them in my deep fat fryer. I'm watching my carbs, not my fat intake.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 07, 2019, 03:02:13 AM
 :o You have a deep fryer, Patti?


I want one. Don't need one but... mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 07, 2019, 12:02:40 PM
Yes, I do. Got it from Amazon. They deliver. How is that for lazy?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 07, 2019, 12:12:32 PM
Assuming Amazon employ wimmin of the opposite sex, I can't help wondering what Amazon Women look like? ::) ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 07, 2019, 12:17:56 PM
They probably look like they could kick your ass.

Hey buster, eyes are up here.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 07, 2019, 12:21:29 PM
I know that toilet paper is a luxury item, as are bathrooms themselves. But really, once you get the toilet, you need something to finish off the encounter.

What the fork are toilet paper manufacturers doing? Each small roll is now "twice" the size of no one knows what. They made the width less years ago and now ... they are putting less and less paper on each roll and telling us it is equivalent to two, four, or more rolls each.

Toilet paper holders are the same so a larger, thicker roll wouldn't even fit, but these are not larger rolls. They are smaller rolls. What the hell kind of nonsense is this? We are going to buy something. We don't really have a choice. Why all this lying to us? What is the purpose?

Oh, for the size of toilet paper rolls of my youth.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 07, 2019, 12:43:12 PM
Assuming Amazon employ wimmin of the opposite sex, I can't help wondering what Amazon Women look like? ::) ;D

If Amazon has a warehouse in the North East it's probably staffed with strapping great bints who replace every other firm's forklift trucks with human power.  Lasses like the legendary Cushie Butterfield.

Everyone who struggles to understand Brian should listen to this song, epitomising the very flower of Geordie femininity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTmvjjoGgYw

My Dad used to sing it to me as a lullaby.  No nightmares dared to come calling once Cushie was installed in my innocent little brain.



Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 07, 2019, 03:57:30 PM
Here's what I grew up with . . .


"Our Gyppo is a funny un,
he's got a nose like a pickled onion,
with eyes like two big tomatoes
and legs like pit props."
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 07, 2019, 04:03:37 PM
;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 07, 2019, 08:06:37 PM
What the fork are toilet paper manufacturers doing?

I've pondered this issue for you and think I know. There are more arseholes about that's for forking sure. But due to the conservation of energy theory, if there are more of them, they must be smaller.  Smaller arseholes need smaller sheets. QED.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 07, 2019, 10:28:31 PM
I think the conservation of energy theory can't apply to arseholes.  They defy the laws of physics in that there are not only more of them but they are also bigger.

There is of course the hideous possibility that toilet rolls are in truth the same size as always, and have just failed to keep pace with arsehole expansion and numbers.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 08, 2019, 10:08:42 AM
See as we are talking about toilet paper I'll trot out my poems on the subject:

Everyday Use

Just in case I'm unsure
they spell it out
on the side of the pack:

Toilet Tissue.
For everyday use.

What a relief.

Coz I'd hate it,
if on Mondays, Wednesdays and, and Fridays,
I had to use my finger.

On a Roll
 
I have used toilet tissue for years
in fact almost all my life
and I've never given it much thought.
But today I noticed on the pack
the words, 'No animal testing'.
Does that mean that other manufacturers do?

So now I have this vision:
fifty beagles in fifty cages
a scientist in a white coat
walks from cage to cage
wiping fifty doggy bottoms
 
notes down on his clipboard
how many wipes it takes
to get a spotless bum.
 
That's one more thing I've learnt
and now at last I understand
the significance of the Andrex puppy.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 08, 2019, 10:14:58 AM
You know the difference between a guttural laugh and a superficial laugh is the difference between relating to something and pretending to relate to something.

That got a guttural laugh.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 08, 2019, 12:01:12 PM
I wrote a history essay on toilet paper long ago. Too long for me to remember the exact manufacturer, but one of them had a slogan back in the day:

Now guaranteed splinter free.


wow
who could pull out one of those splinters for you?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 08, 2019, 02:03:50 PM
Er ... how far back in the day are we going?!!!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 08, 2019, 02:47:46 PM
I'm thinking 1930s. Maybe 1920s. I don't know for sure.

I looked it up

1930s
https://www.thevintagenews.com/2016/11/05/splinter-free-toilet-paper-didnt-exist-until-the-1930s/
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 09, 2019, 04:39:52 AM
Is that why the bidet was created? Less painful.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 09, 2019, 01:27:09 PM
The bidet was invented in the late 1600s, so predates this by a little bit.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 10, 2019, 02:22:25 AM
Hm... why would toilet paper be a better thing?

If the dog craps on the floor, you don't wipe it up with paper and call it, "Good."  You follow up with soap and water.
Why should a human behind be any different?

Was it lack of clean water, disposal of dirty water, sanitation woes, or what that kept the bidet from being more popular than toilet paper?
Think of all of the trees we would have saved?

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Granda on January 10, 2019, 02:27:56 AM
Blame it on the Romans. I mean what have the Romans ever done for us?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 10, 2019, 08:22:44 AM
The Romans used a sponge on a stick, soaked in vinegar.  Often just the one sponge, stood in a jar of vinegar, for the whole family.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 10, 2019, 10:06:54 AM
The Romans used a sponge on a stick, soaked in vinegar.  Often just the one sponge, stood in a jar of vinegar, for the whole family.

I can put that line on my fridge and never touch chocolate again.  ;)
Thank you, Gyppo, for that dieting aid.  ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 10, 2019, 03:40:16 PM
That was my unplanned good deed for the day then ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 12, 2019, 12:30:50 PM
Here in SC we make paper and paper products like it's a good business. There is a farm that is many, many, many acres. They cut about 1/20th of it down each year, replant the following year, and cut the next bit. Carolina pines grown to a huge height in just about 20 years. So, making paper isn't really any more damaging than making wheat. They don't use hard woods that grow slowly. They use a crop they plant for the sole purpose of making paper. The few oaks on the property remain standing as they cut all the pines around them.

Just thought I would give you a glimpse into the paper making industry.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 19, 2019, 12:20:31 PM
Why are we so complacent?

We figure out a solution to a problem and then stop. This works, but it has irritating factors. So why did it take me nearly ten years to figure out a better way? Laziness? Habit? Both?

It worked, but it bothered me. And I continued to be bothered, but took not even a nanosecond to think of a better way. I finally got tired of being mildly irked and took the thirty seconds to fix the problem. And now, finally, I've found a solution that is much less irksome.

If I had actually given it five seconds thought, I could have fixed this years ago. But I just kept on habitually doing the same slightly bothersome thing again and again and again.

Why?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 19, 2019, 03:04:14 PM
Because you don't really have free will: it's just the perception of free will. You are an automaton, but your brain has built-in awareness lag and uses some clever algorithm to make you believe that you decided to act when in fact you became aware of the act after it had happened.

Imagine you decide you want coffee, so get up and go to the kitchen to make some. In real time you have no idea why you are going to the kitchen, but when the brain figures it out it fills in the backstory for you and does it in such a way that you actually believe the decision came before the action.

Consciousness without awareness lag would be terrifying.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 19, 2019, 03:39:21 PM
I wish my awareness lag had kicked in years ago.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 20, 2019, 09:58:41 AM
I've always had somewhat of an awareness lag. Is this not normal? :o :P ;D

Why the fork do they building more and more apartments and condominiums in places where the roads are already overcrowded and there is no room for expansion on said roads?

When I was a teenager, the main thoroughfare through town was Highway 126, AKA, Blood Alley, a two-lane road. Now it is a four-lane road with the fifth center or 'suicide lane' in constant need of sweeping from one fender-bender to the next. The county has already usurped the better part of many front yards that line the highway and have removed nearly all of the 500 eucalyptus trees planted in memory of each of the San Francisquito Canyon casualties from the collapse of the St. Francis Dam in 1928.

There is no more room to expand. How in the fork do they intend to accommodate all of the people who will occupy these places and why in the fork put them here?!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Vienna on March 09, 2019, 08:52:04 AM
why the fork does a once brilliant Forum get taken over by a religious nutter? Anyone help me get my head round this? No moderators seem to be about anymore and the wonderful circle is going down, down,down. Yes I know I punish myself by going back there and hoping the drunken imbecile has given up and gone and I allow myself to get into combat mode. Is there nothing that can be done, can't we all get together and make it great again?  What the fork can be done.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 09, 2019, 12:33:00 PM
There is nothing we can do.  What we all tend to forget is that we never truly owned it.

It was a place where we were not only allowed but encouraged to play, and weep, and brag when appropriate, and help each other out.  But it was never truly ours.  The stuff we did there was ours, but not the premises.

The new owners probably bought it on the strength of the membership list of 50,000+.  Which is, frankly, bollocks.  Having been there since almost the beginning I know that many of those have either died, lost interest, or just vanished when they lost their free access from college/uni accounts.

It puts me in mind of the situation when you've restored an ancient motorbike, car, or possibly a building.  You pour thousands of pounds, (or in the case of the circle time and passion), into it.  But you're never going to recover any of it.

Like anyone who followed a cause or belief sometimes all that is left is to be glad you were a part of it when it was at its best.

Gyppo

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on April 09, 2019, 07:26:45 AM
Why the fork does it seem that more and more people are only out for number one? Are we losing the compassion and empathy that make us human?


I thought our realtor was on our side to help guide us through the sticky situation of buying a home. It quickly became clear that she was frothing at the mouth for a commission and that our best interests didn't interest her in the least. They are ALL like that here in California. Is it that way everywhere?

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on June 02, 2019, 09:08:52 AM
Before the advent of social media, I used to sit in my bunker feeling isolated. It was me against the world. I was unique in dispising sodding football and hating the stream of childish drivel spewing from the TV. But now I know I'm not alone. There are millions of people who love the things I love and hate the things I hate, and yet, we are still mostly ignored.

On to dogs, then.

I love my dog far more than I love any people. And, because of social media, I know there are others like me. True I don't know how many, but it could easily be classified as "lots". We are not mad-cat-women living alone and replacing all social interaction with kitty-time, we are normal people whose personalities just happen prefer dogs to people. And we have a contract with our dogs: they give us immeasurable amounts of joy and in exchange, we guarantee to take care of them as best we can.

So, why the fork don't car manufacturers make some tiny concession and provide a way of cooling and ventilating the bit of the car where the dog sits (well lies usually). Why do the twats think we have hatchbacks and estate cars rather than just saloons? Do the morons think we have a perpetual requirement to be able to view our luggage and hence a boot/trunk just will not do?

If you want to understand just what twots these winkers really are, try searching google for: dog-friendly cars. Will you find any with aircon in the rear? (sorry that sounds a bit pervy) No you forking won't. What you find - and I can feel the steam starting to blast out of my ears - is things like: luggage compartment load liner, cargo separation grille and protective seat cover. These are not forking dog-friendly, they are twat-friendly. For twats who don't want any evidence of "dog" to get on their precious cars.

Forkers.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on June 02, 2019, 10:16:19 AM
You might feel better if you looked at the way some police dogs get treated.  The search dog that was working outside my bungalows a while back had his own air-conditioned kennel built into the back of the car, with his own personal flap for getting in and out.

The eagerness with which he jumped back in after doing his search duties showed he clearly loved his own space.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on June 02, 2019, 12:23:43 PM
I think lots of doggy people resort to getting vans fitted out, which is fine but, I reckon more than 50% of hatchbacks are used for dogs. Why can the manufacturers feed aircon and or fresh air into the space? The first to do so will get a lot of new customers.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on June 03, 2019, 09:53:38 AM
Why the forkington fork is my coffee supplier now describing itself as a forking boutique? Who the fork are they trying to impress? If you are the kind of utter dimwit who'd pay more for coffee from a boutique than you would from a shop because it is called a boutique not a shop then I pity you. I also assume you are a: young, b) from London, c) wax your chest.

Don't get me wrong, I'm as much of a coffee snob as the next bloke. I'd no more drink instant coffee than I'd have sex with an inflatable woman. Both activities are a weak impersonation of the real thing. I assume. I've obviously never had sex with an inflatable woman but I'd image it's as carp as drinking instant coffee.

But my coffee snobbery is all about taste. I may have spent a ridiculous amount of money on a container with a CO2 valve, and even more on a Japanese kettle with a pencil-thin swan's neck spout, but these things enhance the flavour. Calling a shop a forking boutique adds nothing but a steaming pile of bull shirt.

Shamus H Crust, where will it end?!?!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on June 03, 2019, 12:15:31 PM
I so prefer my own coffee here at home to any I get out in the world. I brew real coffee to the exact coffeeness I want. I can also, in pinch, make it with a French press, or a pour over, or an Aero Press.

I'm unsure how Starbucks even stays in business. They burn their coffee and it tastes like it.

When we travel and I absolutely must buy a coffee out in the world, McDonald's usually has really good coffee. At least here in the states. I know they have different suppliers and different menus in other parts of the world. But ... I would take a McD coffee over a Starbucks coffee every single solitary time.

PS, my dog(s) always rode in the back seat and not in the hatchback part of the car. When we an SUV, we did put the seats down so the dogs had more room but they were part of the cab portion of the car.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on June 03, 2019, 12:16:09 PM
Oh, in my sports car with only two seats, LC got to ride shotgun.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on June 03, 2019, 12:44:23 PM
Many years ago I met an old travelling man with a little Honda 50. He seemed positively ancient to a twenty year old, but was probably no older than I am now.

He had an open topped crate on the carrier where his little Jack Russell sat.  There were two panniers below this where he kept his tent, wet gear, and little camping stove in case he couldn't get a fire going.

The dog's crate had a thick blanket, and a folding tarpaulin cover for when it rained.

There was also a strip of carpet glued onto on the tank so the dog could ride in front of him on quiet roads.  "He prefers that to the basket, but I can't risk him jumping off in heavy traffic."

I saw the dog again a couple of days later, guarding the little bike which was parked up on an almost deserted seaside road.  He was tethered to one of those 'screw in' stakes, with enough slack in the rope to attack anyone who went too close to the bike.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on July 09, 2019, 08:33:07 AM
Why the fork are crooked realtors, found to have committed fraud and have had their real estate license revoked, allowed back into a business where they have access to other people's financial information like Social Security numbers, bank statements, and work stubs?

Our former property manager is a piece of work. He is trying to rob us of our security deposit amounting to $2,599.00. That the swindler owes us. We are going to have to take him to court to get it back. What a nightmare.

If you care to and can read this article, these are only a few of the things he was caught doing illegally and someone actually reinstated his real estate license. http://archive.vcstar.com/news/fillmore-couple-must-pay-penalties-in-realty-scam-ep-371425180-350697511.html/ (http://archive.vcstar.com/news/fillmore-couple-must-pay-penalties-in-realty-scam-ep-371425180-350697511.html/) WHAT THE FORK?
 
My credit score took a sudden and undeserved plummet after our move. I wonder...
I can't even...!

I haven't felt this much animosity for a person before in my life. This guy is a poor man's Trump, only worse.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 19, 2019, 11:29:53 PM
In order to claim the extra year's free extended warranty on my new fridge I had to go online and fill in a damned form.  The old school option of filling in a card and posting it is no longer offered.

In order to complete this form you need to give them the model number and serial number.  These are on a sticker at the back of the fridge.

This is all fine and dandy if you haven't already installed the fridge, especially if it's been tucked away, often with some difficulty and cursing, under a kitchen counter.  (I wonder how many people don't bother with that extra warranty because of the hassle of moving it back out again.)

I have a secret weapon in that I installed my fridge on a pair of 'appliance rollers', which allow me to trundle it easily in and out.  A two minute job to pull it out, copy the numbers, and put it back.  Also useful if I ever have a kitchen flood and need to mop put behind/under the thing.

But why the fork can't they put the label on the front of the fridge.

Aesthetically it might spoil the look, but how about putting it on the inside of the door, virtually invisible unless you need it.

This would also be a god-send for appliance repair men too, who need the number in order to order spare parts.  There is some 'badge engineering' in appliances, so knowing the real provenance rather than the name on the front opens up a wider supply line for spares.

=====

Would I pay for an extended warranty?  No.  Most appliances, if wrongly assembled or damaged in transit, will fail in the first year within the standard warranty.  If there's a free year extra certainly claim it for the peace of mind.  But beyond that, paying an extra £50 a year seems daft to me.

I have never had a fridge that lasted less than five years.  Unless you are paying big money for a big name, for the 'swank' factor in your 'fitted kitchen, I would suggest seeing the fridge and freezer as disposable.   If it costs you around a hundred pounds and lasts two years, you've effectively 'hired it' for £1 a week.
That's a pretty good deal.  If it lasts longer than that, and they usually do,  everything after the two year mark can be seen as a free bonus.

=====

My appliance rollers added £18 to the total, but if I only have to move it a couple of times they'll earn their keep.  If you have children who lose or 'post' things under or behind your fridge/freezer/cooker, or a puddle of spilled milk going sour just out of reach you'll become an enthusiast.

The only downside is they make some appliance too tall to fit under an existing counter.

There are cheap plastic ones on e-bay.  I would suggest you spurn these as you would spurn as rabid dog.  Given a choice between steel and lightweight alloy go for the steel.

This is what they look like.  Left click to enlarge.

Gyppo


Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 23, 2019, 12:20:54 PM
I have often found that even when I find the tag with the model and serial numbers, the font is too small to read. I've learned to take a picture of the damn thing so I can enlarge it and read what the numbers are.


This is entirely unhelpful when some idiot puts a font color that is not distinct enough from the background color and makes reading for those of us with fading eyesight to be virtually impossible. It is also much more difficult to read white on a black background than black on a white background. I know we can do all sorts of fancy shit with printing, but not all of it is an improvement.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 23, 2019, 01:03:14 PM
It is also much more difficult to read white on a black background than black on a white background. I know we can do all sorts of fancy shit with printing, but not all of it is an improvement.

This is one of the reasons I no longer buy certain motorcycle magazines, especially those where they trail supposedly contrasting coloured text across the pictures.  Some of the articles are almost unreadable.

We have a local free advertising magazine which usually contains at least half a dozen interesting little articles.  But just lately they've fallen into the coloured words on a picture trap.  I'm sure this looks absolutely bloody spiffing, indeed a thing of wonder, on their computer screen when they're laying it out, but a 30" monitor is very different from an 8 x 5 page.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on July 25, 2019, 05:45:12 AM
Speaking of impossible to read fonts ... why the fork do they - the people who disperse numbers and letters on things, mix zero's with o's without the line through the zeros or making the zero's more squared off? This drives me bonkers - more so than usual. And why do I think the word, "zero's" is wrong? Because it is? Or is it?


This belongs in another thread about Odd Things That Make You Feel Old because I've become indecisive about the proper way to do things to the extent I no longer believe I knew how to do it in the first place when I know damn well that I did. Does that make sense?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 26, 2019, 01:33:44 AM
Does your zero posses something? If it is simply a bunch of 00000, then the word is zeros.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on July 26, 2019, 05:25:34 AM
Does your zero posses something? If it is simply a bunch of 00000, then the word is zeros.

See? I know this. But my zeros are possessed. ;)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 26, 2019, 08:59:43 AM
Probably possessed by the restless spirits of long dead kamikaze pilots who flew Zeros during WW2.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 26, 2019, 12:09:46 PM
English is hard.

Zero is zeros

Hero is heroes.


what the fork?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on July 26, 2019, 05:53:48 PM
Why the fork did the airconditioner die on the hottest day of the summer, thus far?

The new condenser for it won't be here until tomorrow. It's going to be a long, hot day. Maybe I should head to the beach.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on July 26, 2019, 11:36:03 PM
This seems to be a perpetual problem. The air goes out on the hottest days and the furnace gives up the ghost on the coldest. There are probably two things going on with this syndrome. The first is confirmation bias and the second is that on very hot days, the air is working harder and so more likely to die from overwork then. Furnaces work harder on the very coldest of days and so kick the bucket then.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on July 27, 2019, 02:51:30 AM
I think that is an accurate explanation, Patti. Well done.

Not by the A/C though. IT's FECKING HOT! Amazon says the part was shipped and will be here tomorrow. It's 6:50 PM here and still hotter than Hell. Okay, that's likely an exaggeration but since I've never been to Hell, as far as I know, this is one of the closest things to it that I'll be forced to endure in the next week. Who knows what next month will bring?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 31, 2019, 07:43:02 AM
Quote
Air Canada has been ordered to pay a French-speaking couple 21,000 Canadian dollars ($15,700; £12,900) and write them a letter of apology for violating their linguistic rights.

The couple complained that some signs on a domestic flight they took were only in English, while others gave the French version less prominence.

Why the fork do people persist with these ridiculous dead languages like Klingon, Aramaic and French. All they do is cause confusion and generate vast amounts of airborne slobber.

I accept we need some French words. You would not want to have to say "crappy burnt stale unhealthy pastry that's not as nice as Bakewell tart" every time you wanted to order a croissant, but, where there's an English word for a thing, that's the one to use.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on August 31, 2019, 08:40:27 AM
I believe it's the one day old Krispy Kream.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 31, 2019, 08:44:15 AM
Je crois que c'est Krispy Kream, un jour.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on August 31, 2019, 08:46:25 AM
Je crois que c'est Krispy Kream, un jour.
I have no idea what you said but it did sound Krispy and Kreamy.

Maybe just suggestive? ??? :P ;) ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 31, 2019, 08:48:25 AM
Anything in French sounds suggestive. Anything in German sounds scary. Anything in Welsh sounds like bronchitis.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on August 31, 2019, 08:52:36 AM
 ;D ;D ;D   

What do English giggles sound like?

 Do not say, "LOL".
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on August 31, 2019, 09:00:33 AM
Quote
Air Canada has been ordered to pay a French-speaking couple 21,000 Canadian dollars ($15,700; £12,900) and write them a letter of apology for violating their linguistic rights.

The couple complained that some signs on a domestic flight they took were only in English, while others gave the French version less prominence.


What a ludicrous amount of money to give someone just because they were slightly pissed off.  Presumably they managed to find the damned plane.  What more do they need?

I hope the letter of apology is written in English ;-)  Even better, in the English of Chaucer.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 31, 2019, 09:06:06 AM
How temping would it be it end with a PS?

PS: I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on August 31, 2019, 09:45:51 AM
Goodnight, or rather, Good morning, Gentlemen. I'm off to slumber for a bit. Have a great day, both of you, :-* :-*.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 15, 2019, 04:31:52 PM
Why the fork do online insurance brokers assume I want to talk to their pointy headed little staff.  I'm shopping for motorcycle insurance.  I thought I'd get a few online quotes.  This entails answering a few questions on a form.  I gave them my email address, and then the next question was a request for my mobile phone number.

The software won't let you answer any more questions without giving a number.

It won't accept n/a as an answer.  Yes, I realise i could make one up.  But I shouldn't have to.

What if you don't have a phone?  Tough shit, baby.  Apparently you are unworthy of their time.

If I can be bothered to fill in their poxing form they could at least give me the courtesy of an emailed reply

Insurance is money for old rope anyway, with so many excuses not to pay out.  Heaven forbid that I should expect them to do anything so arduous as to put fingers to keys and give me a written reply.  After all, they asked me for my e-dress, didn't they?  Or was that just so they could sell it to other companies who will bombard me with irrelevant offers?

I'm just looking for quotes to get a best price, not a meaningful relationship with some denizen of a cubicle farm.

All this tech was supposed to make life easier.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 15, 2019, 05:07:16 PM
If you think you had a bad day, imagine being a French postman.

BBC
Quote
Fertility experts Roger Mieusset and Bourras Bengoudifa measured the temperature of French postmen's testicles, both naked and clothed.

They found the left one is warmer, but only when a man has his clothes on.

What utter bollocks.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 16, 2019, 08:53:40 AM
French postmen have testicles?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 16, 2019, 09:10:28 AM
Unlike French soldiers, indeed they do.

It makes you wonder if the right female flap is colder than the left and this is some kind of evolutionary, opposites attract, docking system.  :-\
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 16, 2019, 09:36:43 AM
You could probably spend a lifetime researching this and still not reach any definite conclusion ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 17, 2019, 11:52:21 AM
Why the fork do gardeners think it's okay to use their blowers to blow dirt, trash, and clippings into our yard and driveway? And why, in spite of my being angry enough to want to, am I unable to return the rudeness?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 17, 2019, 11:59:17 AM
Why not speak to the gardeners and point out they didn't clean up their mess, just moved it to your space?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 19, 2019, 09:11:13 AM
I've tried. They smile and act like they do not understand what I'm saying. Do you think it's that hard to understand, "No Bueno"?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 20, 2019, 07:13:00 AM
I've watched loads of US TV so know how things work over there. Just call your lawyer and "sue their asses". And find lots of other people who have suffered and create a class action.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 27, 2019, 08:01:06 AM
Stupid eyebrows may be contagious, Britain warned

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/stupid-eyebrows-may-be-contagious-britain-warned-20190926189344

Now, you probably think I'm going to launch into a diatribe about the stupidy of eyebrows of any sort let alone ones that have been quinced with, but I'm not. What I want to say is ... why the fork did I not know about this?! I was totally unaware that making your eyebrows look like hairy caterpillars was a thing.

As I pass through the barrier between middle and old age has my brain reached some pinnacle of its evolutionary development such that young people and their stupid antics simply get merged into a single condition of twatiness with no discernible specifics? Or is it a self-defence mechanism?  Would daft eyebrows be the final straw that pushed me over the edge into dribbling, gibbering, mental incredulity?

I suppose now I know about it I'm going to notice it if I have to leave the village in the future. I've trained myself not to LOL at stupid hair and trousers, can I add eyebrows to the list? Only time will tell.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on October 06, 2019, 07:07:27 AM
Stupid eyebrows may be contagious, Britain warned

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/stupid-eyebrows-may-be-contagious-britain-warned-20190926189344

Now, you probably think I'm going to launch into a diatribe about the stupidy of eyebrows of any sort let alone ones that have been quinced with, but I'm not. What I want to say is ... why the fork did I not know about this?! I was totally unaware that making your eyebrows look like hairy caterpillars was a thing.

As I pass through the barrier between middle and old age has my brain reached some pinnacle of its evolutionary development such that young people and their stupid antics simply get merged into a single condition of twatiness with no discernible specifics? Or is it a self-defence mechanism?  Would daft eyebrows be the final straw that pushed me over the edge into dribbling, gibbering, mental incredulity?

I suppose now I know about it I'm going to notice it if I have to leave the village in the future. I've trained myself not to LOL at stupid hair and trousers, can I add eyebrows to the list? Only time will tell.

I laughed for a long minute after that remark. What is a long minute, you ask? I'd say it's losing track of time while you chuckle excessivley and try not to wake the rest of the houshold.  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 09, 2019, 01:12:07 PM
What the fork is a 'colourway'?  Is it some American abomination they use when colour - or even color if they absolutely insist - would be perfectly adequate?

I was looking online for a proper cotton mechanics overall.

'All our garments come in a wide variety of colourways.'

I sometimes see it in paint catalogues and will admit it's like a red rag to a bull.  The only thing worse is when I hear someone in a DIY store actually saying the damned word.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 10, 2019, 06:37:15 AM
I'd never heard of it, but it seems it might be useful  :o because it is a combination of colours so not synonymous with colour.

Overalls in variety of colours implies some yellow overalls and some pink overalls, but a variety of colourways implies some yellow overalls with pinks sleeves and some pink overalls with yellow sleeves.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 10, 2019, 09:19:23 AM
I see;-)  It's a non-specific code for Aesthetically Abhorrent, (AA).  I can see why some advertising creatures would shy away from using the AA definition.  That's even if the purblind pricks knew how to spell it ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on October 10, 2019, 12:53:25 PM
I have been watching a lot of Great Courses history stuff and we no longer have life styles but life ways. I think they like the way "way" sounds. I don't particularly care for it.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 12, 2019, 12:19:24 PM
Life style definitely sounds better than life way.

Style is indefinable, but you generally know it when you see it ;-)

My daughter and I saw an XK8 Jaguar in a car park the other day.  4 litres of motor tucked unostentatiously away in a discrete and pleasingly contoured silvery/grey package.  No air scoops or go-faster stripes.  Aerodynamic without looking like something freshly tipped from a jelly mould.  Even the Jaguar logo on the front grille was quietly understated.

I can imagine one of my characters having such a car.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 28, 2019, 01:21:03 PM
My poor dentist was so so embarrassed but she fears the health and safety nazis more than she fears my ridicule.

Dentist: This time you are due x-rays. Is that Okay.

Mark: Yep.

Dentist: So you are happy for us to proceed?

Mark (wondering why she's not just getting on with it): Yes, that's fine.

Dentist (looking shame faced): I have to advise you that the process involves x-rays.

Mark: Really?! I'd never have guessed.

Why the fork does this happen?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on October 28, 2019, 02:09:04 PM
A package of nuts had a warning on it "This contains nuts"

Apparently we are so busy teaching kids how to think, that we have totally given up on teaching them what to think, including the meaning of words.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 03, 2019, 05:35:36 AM
What the fork is a 'colourway'?  Is it some American abomination they use when colour - or even color if they absolutely insist - would be perfectly adequate?

I was looking online for a proper cotton mechanics overall.

'All our garments come in a wide variety of colourways.'

I sometimes see it in paint catalogues and will admit it's like a red rag to a bull.  The only thing worse is when I hear someone in a DIY store actually saying the damned word.

I've never heard of a colorway, colourway, or colourwhey. ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 04, 2019, 07:03:54 AM
The following irritation is hardly worthy of a why the fork. In fact, its more of a why the cocktail stick. And yet, it is important in that it demonstrates how everything is forked, even things where forking uselessness seems inconceivable.

Amazon are one of the largest provides of cloud computing. If you don't use their service, it may have passed you by, but with revenues over seven billion dollars, it is a substantial part of the business. And Amazon is a ruthlessly efficient business in many regards, so why the cocktail stick, do they send me an email each month saying Amazon Web Services VAT Invoice Available and providing a link so I can download it, when the sodding invoice is not available for at least 1 more day?

It's hard to imagine they could be so cocktail sticking useless! It's almost as if the cocktail stickers are doing it deliberately for a joke.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 04, 2019, 12:19:28 PM
I have been watching with horror as the 39 dead people from outside London are examined and the cause of their death and their transport is being discovered bit by bit.

I keep wondering who cleaned up slavery and renamed it "human trafficking" like that makes it different. Buying and selling people is slavery. I'm unsure how cleaning up the verbiage is supposed to help in any way. Slavery was outlawed worldwide and yet the buying and selling of people continues under this sanitized name. It is disgusting and we, the world, need to be disgusted and make it stop.

I don't really know how to make it stop since slavery has been around as long as we have. Some stronger people figured out it was easier to capture a weaker person and make him or her do the work than to do the work themselves and it caught on like wildfire. But we really do need to make it stop. Somehow.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 04, 2019, 07:13:26 PM
From what I've read I inferred the victims were economic migrants trying to get to the UK to build a better life.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 04, 2019, 09:55:45 PM
Our news keeps using "human trafficking" and it is that more than this specific case that Is bothering me. It is simply the latest iteration and the sanitized term takes much of the horror of slavery and hides it behind a cloak of smaller horrors.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 05, 2019, 05:55:50 AM
Why the fork are so many American voters hellbent on getting another old career politician nominated for the DNC?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 10, 2019, 12:22:52 PM
I'm a Californian so road rage is all the rage now that a bigger percentage of drivers are preoccupied with texting or distracted because they are high, and there are more drivers than ever on the roads. These distracted people eat away at seconds of my days (these add up to minutes a day) with delayed reactions. Nothing pisses me off more than having to sit through a long stoplight twice because five out of ten drivers are too slow to react due to their distracted mindsets.

Then there is the pure factor of stupidity and ignorance that causes all sorts of traffic problems. So, why the fork doesn't the DMV require people to take aptitude tests before they issue California Driver's Licenses to morons?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 10, 2019, 01:39:50 PM
Stupid people have rights, too.

Both our cars have onboard computers and phone stuff can be hands free. It is still a distraction and interferes with best driving practices. But then again, so does me singing along to my music, changing my music to something different, falling asleep if I drive too long without music ....

Driving really would improve if we all had self driving cars. Right up until and EMP pulse knocked everything out.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 10, 2019, 03:35:12 PM
Driving really would improve if we all had self driving cars.

This has to be one of the biggest lies ever sold to the public.  Computers aren't intelligent.  They are only as clever as the people who write the code, and sometimes that kind of clever is a very long way from sensible or practical.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 10, 2019, 04:27:18 PM
They are still better than a texting and/or drunk person behind the wheel. I don't have unlimited faith in computers. But neither do I have very much faith in the attention of the numerous distracted drivers I currently share the road with.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 10, 2019, 07:38:08 PM
Then would it not be best to take the idiots, drunks, and attention deficit drivers off the road completely.  Isn't that what buses are for?  Plus they're a far more efficient use of fuel and road space.

It seems to me that autonomous vehicles are merely pandering to the whim of  those who want the 'convenience' of a car but can't be bothered to learn how to use it properly.  Like so many other things in life where the cry of 'But isn't there an app for that?' goes up as soon as they realise there's either a mental or physical effort involved in learning how to use it.

The 'good old days' had a lot of bad in them, but the automated future looks pretty damned inhuman.







Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 10, 2019, 08:49:41 PM
I'd like a self-driving car. I think driving is bad for your health as it increases stress. I'd rather sit in the back and read my book and let HAL drive me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 10, 2019, 09:35:01 PM
Each to their own. ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 10, 2019, 10:37:27 PM
And to be fair, I draw the line at Terminator.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 10, 2019, 11:55:23 PM
It is 3.6 miles to my closest bus stop. The next two closest are 4.3 miles. I know that in Europe there is public transportation everywhere. But that's not where I live. And there are 863 houses in my own community and about six to eight other nearby communities around me, spread out over a few square miles. Some of these are apartments so have even denser populations.

It is 21 miles to downtown Charleston. I know some wit said everything is within walking distance if you have the time, but in America, we drive. Whether or not that makes sense, it is what happens if it is possible.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 10, 2019, 11:59:50 PM
I actually love to drive but I'm not fond of sitting in traffic.

I'm going into the AI-driven cars kicking and screaming and terrified.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 11, 2019, 12:01:21 AM
But at least you won't miss the light.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 11, 2019, 12:01:51 AM
But at least you won't miss the light.
;D


Maybe, but being driven takes the fun out of driving.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 02, 2020, 03:34:06 AM
Why the fork are handicap stalls at the far end of the bathroom? Shouldn't they be closer so people who may be struggling won't have so far to go? I know it's a design thing but it isn't practical.

When I was at the Golden Gate Bridge there was an elderly Indian woman in a wheelchair and her son wasn't quite sure how to go about getting her through the women's bathroom. I offered to help and another woman whom I had just exchanged pleasantries with as we were leaving offered to help too. The Indian woman took itty bitty, slow steps all the way to the last stall in the row of about 10 or so. That's when it struck me that having the handicap stall way in the back of the building was a bad idea.

She didn't know how to work the buttons to flush or that the water had a sensor for hand washing. She was very sweet and she and her son were profusely appreciative of our help. It seemed like the right thing to do.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 02, 2020, 12:06:44 PM
Things should be designed by the people who have to use them. For example, married men should design earplugs.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 02, 2020, 01:37:32 PM
Handicap stalls are purposely built so you can use your wheelchair to get into them. Why didn't that happen?

They are at the very back because they take up twice the room or are build across the entire room's far wall to give more space. The only way to build across the whole room, would be to have a path thru the stall to the rest. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be appreciated.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 02, 2020, 02:38:08 PM
The handicapped toilet in our local council offices is about the size of my living room!

It seems to have every device known to man, including a massive 'changing mat' so that people escorting the severely handicapped in wheelchairs can lift them out, with the provided hoist, and tend to all their needs.

But the thing in there which fascinates me the most is the washbasin.  The whole thing runs up and down on rails to suit either the 'walking wounded' or the wheelchair users.

I guess it's a fine example of what happens if you plan it from the start and don't have to worry about adapting existing facilities.  In the nearby city there's a toilet built into a preserved building with ludicrously tall ceilings.  It seems normal at first glance, but if you look up it feels as if you're sitting at the bottom of a well.  The perspective is quite disorientating.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 03, 2020, 03:52:40 AM
Handicap stalls are purposely built so you can use your wheelchair to get into them. Why didn't that happen?

They are at the very back because they take up twice the room or are build across the entire room's far wall to give more space. The only way to build across the whole room, would be to have a path thru the stall to the rest. I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be appreciated.
This is true. However, designers or architects could build one handicapped bathroom the size of two regular stalls immediately in the front to the right and build all of the regular stalls to the left with the washbasin between them. Same amount of space is used. Maybe a few more elbow joints would be needed for the plumbing but a more convenient option for those needing the convenience of easily accessible bathroom stalls.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 03, 2020, 03:01:27 PM
If there is a wall, there has to be a handicapped stall in each section.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 03, 2020, 10:48:58 PM
Which brings me to another gripe; why the fork don't they make more stalls for women? The women's bathrooms always have a line. The men's room, never.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 03, 2020, 11:59:24 PM
Is this because women often seem to go to the toilet in pairs, thus doubling the traffic flow?  Whereas men would rather piss their pants than go at the same time as a friend.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 04, 2020, 08:24:45 AM
No. I don't think so. I think it has more to do with the layers we have to remove to go. It takes us twice as long. Men just stand up and undo a zipper. We have to make sure we don't sit or stand in anything disgusting, then have to either use a seat cover or squat after we pull everything down. Then we have to pull it all back up again while standing in very small stalls - frequently without hooks for coats and purses. Then we have to wash our hands and check to make sure there's no food in or lipstick on our teeth and make sure our skirts aren't tucked into our pantyhose or panties.  ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 04, 2020, 12:35:38 PM
I neither hover or use a seat cover. I just take my chances. If no one hovered and peed on the seats, it would all work better.


BTW, it is the washing hands that takes so long. Less than half of men wash their hands. ick
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 11, 2020, 07:16:53 AM
When I hover I always check to make sure I didn't pee on the seat and clean it up if I do. I hate when people pee on the seat and leave it there for some poor unsuspecting woman in a hurry to relieve her bladder. It pisses me off.

See what I did there?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 12, 2020, 12:53:37 PM
I have an alarm set to get up on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday so I can do yoga before going to the gym and trying to kill myself. Without the stretching, I snap and might crackle or pop. So, I wake early enough to get that done.

No alarm clocks on the other days. Since it is winter and dark outside, the alarm sings to me and I struggle to wake up and roll out of bed to get started with my day. I'm tired and would love to sleep for the extra 45 minutes, but I know that wouldn't work well with my old body. So I slowly pull myself out of bed. And this morning, instead of happily sleeping in, I was awake. What the fork? I could have slept til noon and I was awake twenty minutes before the alarm would have gone off if I had an alarm set.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 26, 2020, 09:35:52 AM
I was buying timber on Friday and noticed something weird.   I can use both metric and imperial units of measurement, but I don't mix them in one job.  That way lies madness.)

My instincts are still unashamedly imperial.  I still automatically visualise in inches, feet, and yards.  I can't just look at a gap and think 'Oh, that's about 75 centimetres',  or '55 millimetres'.

But I'm happy using either side of the ruler when marking up for cutting.

So why the fork can't wood in a store be measured up in nice whole units.  Why does stripwood and shelving boards come in standard lengths of 180 centimetres:-)  That's neither two metres or six feet.  The shorter stuff is 90 cms, which is neither one metre or one yard.  The longer stuff kicks in at 240 centimetres, which is 2.4 metres instead of an easily visualised 2.5.  After all, most people can probably instinctively visualise halves and quarters.

Which is why I always take my own tape measure.  Or borrow one off their shelves if I forget ;-)

And their amazing cutting machine, which I love to watch working, can trim a precise two millimetre slice off a long shelf if you want, but they can't cut a two metre length of 4 x 2  construction timber in half for you so it will fit in the car.   (They can sell you a roof rack  and a pack of bungee cords though.)

They used to have a 'customers risk' handsaw for things like that, but it was either stolen once too often or ruled out by health and safety.

I think perhaps I need to use a proper timber merchant, or builders' merchant, rather than a handy DIY store.  Or visit the reclaimed timber place where you are welcome to cut up anything once you've paid for it.  Or they'll do it for you at 50P a cut.

That's it.  Grumble over.

Gyppo

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on January 26, 2020, 10:05:16 AM
It is absolutely ridiculous.

The only thing that's sillier, unless this has changed since the last time I did any dress-making, is that you buy fabric by the inch wide but by the metre long!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 26, 2020, 11:14:27 AM
Our local fabric shop, which closed only recently so the staff could have a well earned retirement, was run by very knowledgeable ladies,  They could advise you on all sorts of sewing questions, and provided parts - and servicing - for the latest computer controlled machines as well as old treadle singers. 

They allowed people a couple of years to change over to metric sizes, and had no problem converting for the older ones who either couldn't or simply wouldn't switch.  But...

Despite having 'gone metric' to the extent of removing the imperial yard stick from the counter and replacing it with a shiny new brass metre rule, they wouldn't sell you I metre ten cms of fabric, or 90 cms.  Even though decimal currency made costing up the odd sizes easier.  Their smallest unit was a very determined quarter metre. Halves and three quarters were fine.

It fascinated me how they embraced metrication whole-heartedly, except for that one little quirk.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 26, 2020, 01:38:01 PM
The only thing that's sillier, unless this has changed since the last time I did any dress-making, is that you buy fabric by the inch wide but by the metre long!

In aviation, verticle distance is measured in feet, horizontal distance in meters and speed in knots. Fuel is sold in litres but USG (US gallons not the same as UK Gallons) used in capacity planning. But it's only aviation. Not as if calculations might be in any way critical.

To become a pilot its is mandatory that you are able to do conversions between these various ways of measuring ... wait for it ... using a slide rule. You are tested on that.

Is that sillier do you think?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 26, 2020, 03:38:04 PM
I think that's a definite yes.

My uncle taught me how to use a slide rule.  It was a magical implement in its time.  Doubt if I could remember how now.  But if I'd been an old school engineer using one for work for the the last fifty plus years I'd probably trust its mechanical precision over a 'black box' calculator.  There's an element of blind faith with a calculator that doesn't sit entirely comfortably.

Dad taught me how to do calculations with pencil on the back of a cigarette packet, working out how many cubic yards of tarmac or gravel were needed to cover a section of road to a certain depth.  Most of the time he'd already worked it out in his head, but he'd 'run the numbers' as a double check.

Measurements are a minefield.  I totally fail to understand why the US gallon even exists.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 26, 2020, 07:09:00 PM
My cousin, an international pilot, used to have to carry a huge briefcase about the size of a bookshelf for his flight plans. Before he retired, all he had to carry was a tablet, not sure what brand.

I don't know if he was allowed to use the calculator on it or not.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 26, 2020, 07:37:04 PM
Even in the UK you can use technology once you are qualified. Not sure about the US but in the UK slide rule nonsense is just used as a way to keep the riff-raff out.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 27, 2020, 03:11:39 PM
Why the fork has it taken my Housing Association over two years to claim that I still have an outstanding debt from when I lived in the house?

I have regular bills but no debts that I'm aware of.

I had a letter from the Debt Recovery Team , which arrived ten days after it was printed out in their office.  Being fascinated by this lengthy hiatus I checked the date stamp and only three days of this were spent in the mail system.

'Please make contact with us to discuss this outstanding debt.'

It's a low three figure sum, which, if they convince me is genuine, I can pay easily enough.  But...

I long ago paid off, by instalments, the temporary debt caused by overlapping rents for two properties.  I have a letter from them confirming that this debt was cleared.  I'm a bugger for keeping things like that ;-)

So this must be for something they have neglected to tell me about until two days ago.
The letter makes it sound as if I'm the guilty party.  This I find mildly annoying, so I sent them an email telling them they needed to more specific about the how and why of this debt, and I wanted a reply by email or post as 'I don't always hear my phone'.

I suspect some twat in their office didn't tell me at the time, and now some 'loss adjuster' is chasing up unpaid debts.

I will pay if I owe it, but if some soul-dead loss adjusting number-cruncher has mistaken this particular pensioner for 'easy low-hanging fruit'  they'll have to earn it.

But I did apologise for being being almost unseemly in my hasty - same day -response to their leisurely approach.

Gyppo

PS:  These are the same people who sent a man to deliver a 'notice to quit' letter to Mum at the Nursing Home.  They had already been informed - in writing - she was suffering from dementia and that they needed to talk with me.  I am not inclined to feel charitable towards them.  As landlords they are reasonable, and generally prompt with repairs.  But their 'people skills' need some work.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 27, 2020, 11:52:21 PM
The only thing that's sillier, unless this has changed since the last time I did any dress-making, is that you buy fabric by the inch wide but by the metre long!

In aviation, verticle distance is measured in feet, horizontal distance in meters and speed in knots. Fuel is sold in litres but USG (US gallons not the same as UK Gallons) used in capacity planning. But it's only aviation. Not as if calculations might be in any way critical.

To become a pilot its is mandatory that you are able to do conversions between these various ways of measuring ... wait for it ... using a slide rule. You are tested on that.

Is that sillier do you think?
You're a pilot. As in all pilots I've ever known, this explains a lot.  ;D
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 18, 2020, 10:30:00 AM
What world do advertising people live in.

I've just received an offer of twenty free national lottery lines from my computer magazine.  It's one of those syndicate set-ups.

But this is the line which puzzles me.  'Be part of our team.  Share the excitement of playing the lottery together with other readers, with the chance to win millions.

Excitement of playing with others?  Has some committee of soul-dead timid little creatures re-defined excitement since I last reeled under the onslaught of an adrenaline surge.

In the small print...  'Winnings totalling £2 or more will be paid into a UK bank account.

So if 10,000 people win £100 between them you'll have won one solitary penny each.   My heart beat stays rock steady in the face of such largesse ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 18, 2020, 10:23:02 PM
What world do advertising people live in.

You forgot your question mark  :)

As Joseph de Maistre (should have) said: Every nation gets the marketing tossers it deserves.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 18, 2020, 11:35:18 PM
Well spotted.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 19, 2020, 12:38:22 AM
There for a minute I thought I was in the question thread. But it was a real punctuation thing. Or should that have been an exclamation point?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 25, 2020, 07:54:40 AM
Quote
The head of the Environment Agency is to warn against building new homes on flood plains, amid flooding in parts of the UK following heavy rain.

Why the fork does someone not make a massive placard saying 'No shit, Sherlock' and follow this tit around. But wait there's more:

Quote
He is expected to acknowledge that it is not realistic to ban all development in these areas - because they cover so much of the country.

In summary then, when it's possible to do the obvious thing, then do the obvious thing. When the obvious thing is not possible, then you won't be able to do the obvious thing.

What a genius.

What he should say if he wants to be honest.
Quote
We could protect everyone from flooding if we wanted to, but quite frankly to's too expensive; plus we can't be arsed. Unless you live in London. Then no expense will be spared.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on February 25, 2020, 09:03:48 AM
Among the many subjects on which I am not an expert but can talk as if I am, is town planning.

But surely the answer is nearly as obvious as not building on flood-plains?  It's building on stilts.  OK, we'll call it a basement, or a garage, and it won't be wasted space most of the time, but when the floods come they'll have to come two metres higher before they damage anything vital.  Henceforth the lowest living accommodation will be at first-floor level, and your garage will be underneath instead of beside your house; so while you might have to pay extra for the additional structure, you'll save on the amount of ground you need.

I said it was obvious.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 25, 2020, 12:13:06 PM
I live in an area called the Low Country because no one would build on a flood plain. The houses closest to the water and in the most danger of actual flooding are built on stilts. They have parking and storage under the actual house. The issue in today's world is that these houses are not usually wheelchair accessible and so ... they come up with some reasons why it is necessary to flood the house instead.

I am actually just high enough above sea level that I can get (and do have) flood insurance from the government (the only one here who can sell that). So I'm covered if the water falls down or if it creeps up. Lucky me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 25, 2020, 11:32:04 PM
I would have gotten rid of cable years ago, but Dick watches a lot of stuff and cable was his lifeline. To each his own. Last summer, our son insisted he would be able to get everything he needed via streaming services for a lot cheaper and he was willing to look into it.

But like husbands everywhere who "will" do something, he didn't do it. The cable and internet service is a combined thing for us and when we moved in here, there was one provider. A second provided wired the neighborhood about a year ago, but ... we stuck with what we had.

The bill arrived and we were paying nearly $200 a month for cable and internet. He called to see if there was some deal or something. There was if we were new customers, but since we have been loyal customers for 15 years, there was nothing to be done.

So today, we got the other provider here for about two hours and cable from the outside box (thankfully right next to our house and not far down the street, was run, the wiring inside the house was added, and a new system was set up.

Dick and I have Netflix and Amazon Prime. He is giving Hulu a trial run. He bought an TV antenna that sits on a windowsill and pulls in local TV stations. We dropped the cable and only have internet, but it is three times faster than the best the old system could offer. The price is around $65/month and hopefully our streaming stuff will stream better.

Why the fork do these people offer new customers deals while screwing over loyal ones? I suppose it has a lot to do with inertia. We didn't change for a long time, so when Dick called up, they assumed we would change now.

They were wrong.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 26, 2020, 07:29:48 AM
A man with a calculator he's had since 1980 and which has no legends on the keys because his sweaty fingers have worn them away, has done the calculations and decided that so few people will do what you did, that the more profitable option is not to give deals to existing customers.

To be fair to the man - who also has a shiny seat on his trousers - if it were left to him he'd not give deals to new customers either. He was forced to give those deals by the loud man with the crayons. Nonetheless, every time a new customer gets a great deal, the man with the calculator dies a little inside.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 26, 2020, 12:13:55 PM
"the man with the crayons"
I love that ... it made me smile.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 26, 2020, 02:28:14 PM
Even his employers don't  trust him with a sharp pencil or pen ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 03, 2020, 09:53:33 AM
The issue in today's world is that these houses are not usually wheelchair accessible and so ... they come up with some reasons why it is necessary to flood the house instead.

Er - hello, world!  When a house floods, the first guy to drown is the guy in the wheelchair.

Look, we're inundated (pardon the pun) with technology - there's no problem getting a wheelchair onto the first storey.  It's called a lift.  They've had them for about 150 years, I think.  Build an entry port beside the groundfloor garage, which contains a staircase and a lift.  Power the lift from above to keep the electrics above flood-level.  Everyone can get in and out, and when the rains come everyone will be safer.  Especially the guy in the wheelchair.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 03, 2020, 12:10:24 PM
Jo, it isn't me who doesn't understand a lift or as we call them elevators, it is the man with crayons.

Our fabulously rich friends built a house that was designed with an elevator and was the raised ground and then three more stories high. They took the elevator out and used the shaft as storage instead. I don't know how they felt about all that as they trudged their groceries upstairs for the next fifteen years. I don't know if they still own the place or not.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 04, 2020, 04:09:56 PM
Now I want to know what your friends needed to store that was four storeys high!  A Saturn 5 rocket?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 04, 2020, 11:21:42 PM
Each story had a floor. On one floor they used it as a pantry. On another there was a bunch of linens. One had seasonal decorations. If I remember all this correctly. But each compartment was really big enough to store a damn Mini Cooper.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 05, 2020, 02:10:08 PM
I think I would have been tempted to leave out the floors and store a raft in the shaft ;-)

With a pop open section in the roof  ready for escape if the water ever got that deep
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 05, 2020, 06:26:52 PM
The ground non-floor was either 10 or 12 feet high, but then each of the living space floors were 14 feet high. So to get something home from the store and up to the top floor was climbing a LOT of steps. I wonder if they missed that elevator as they got older.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 05, 2020, 07:35:02 PM
They could have bungee jumped in that space.

I can imagine the right kind of family building a climbing wall in there.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 05, 2020, 11:42:19 PM
That would have been fun. But still difficult to get the groceries upstairs.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 05, 2020, 11:48:52 PM
You bribe the local kids.  "You can play on my climbing wall, but first you have to take a rucksack full of shopping up there for me."  Trust me, as a lifelong observer of people, there'll always be some muscular lunk who relishes every chance to display his physical superiority to the 'mere mortals' in his own age group.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 09, 2020, 01:36:59 PM
I moved my yoga stuff back upstairs. I have a mostly dead, doesn't hold a charge tablet up there so I can play You Tube videos to lead my yoga practice.

Because I hadn't used it in months, having been downstairs with my good tablet working, Google signed me out of You Tube. Why the fork are you messing with my stuff, Google? I couldn't just watch You Tube regardless of anything, I had to and I mean HAD TO sign in. I have no freaking idea what any of my passwords are for anything other than logging into a device. After that, I need to go to my password book and find the damn thing.

That still didn't work. For some reason, Google wanted more. Always more. So I gave in and they were able to assure themselves that I was me because they sent me a text to my phone and I had my phone. So if you steal a tablet, steal a phone, too. That way, you can assure the Cloud Gods that you are somebody else.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on March 13, 2020, 09:28:44 AM
Why the fork do people in Southern California suddenly think it's okay to bring dogs into restaurants, coffee shops, grocery stores, or bookstores? Is this happening everywhere?

I love dogs but I don't want other people's pets near my food or in the same hotel bed where I'll be sleeping. I worry about fleas and allergies, and perhaps I'm just a heartless wench. A wet or odiferous dog is not pleasant when you're trying to enjoy food, or shop for it in close quarters.

It amazes me that around here, other than owners carrying, dragging, or flaunting their dogs in public places, there is little to no interaction between owner and dog. No words, cajoling, nothing. Stepford Dogs.  :o ???
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 13, 2020, 11:09:34 AM
Are they wearing little vests their "parents" bought on Amazon claiming they are service animals? We have a lot of that here. And God forbid if you point out that it doesn't look like an official service vest thing.

The number of huge dogs that go "shopping" at the outdoor malls here is astounding. It seems the couple comes to the mall, the woman shops and the man stands outside with the dog. Not a pleasant way to spend an afternoon.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 13, 2020, 11:59:46 AM
... perhaps I'm just a heartless wench ...

Or maybe relying on an innate prejudice rather than science.

Humans are filthy creatures and do disgusting things then don't sanitise themselves. Dogs are less of risk to your health but being a different species are an easy target.  :D

In the words of Socrates: it is safer to French kiss a poodle than it is to eat peanuts from a communal bowl on the bar. But if you do eat the peanuts you will be fine because the tiny amounts of excrement you ingest won't kill you.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 13, 2020, 03:51:38 PM
I'm inclined to agree with Socrates (how the hell did he know about poodles and pub peanuts, let alone French kissing?) but I still don't think it's a great idea.  Not everyone likes dogs as much as me.  And I can't see what perpetually being dragged round shops/bars/ restaurants offers the dog.  Learning to be alone for a few hours while the family go out should be a part of every dog's education.  Carrying them round like a handbag is treating them as a baby, and that isn't good for either the dog or its owner.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 13, 2020, 10:38:32 PM
LC liked to give us kisses. It was so sweet. Especially right after she got done licking her ass.
LC was our dog.

But I don't eat out of communal bowls in bars, either.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 14, 2020, 10:02:18 AM
But the people who do eat out of those bowls don't die. Or if they do, the government is keeping it very quiet.

Perhaps that's what all this nonsense we are seeing - Trump, Brexit, Coronna - is about. Is it just a way to distract us from the millions who die each day from eating excrement tainted peanuts?

You know my mate Bob the alien? Well, he doesn't have teeth (and he claims they are stupid) but he says that if he did have teeth he would certainly not clean them a few feet away from the toilet!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 14, 2020, 11:22:32 AM
My toilet it is its own little room with a door to stop the swirling water spray from hitting my toothbrush.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 14, 2020, 01:38:59 PM
Yeah but you're a latter-day Scarlett O'Hara.  :)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 14, 2020, 02:03:01 PM
I'm special.  8) 8) 8)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on March 17, 2020, 07:46:42 AM


I love our dog but I'm not taking him into a crowded coffee shop or bakery for bagels when he's soaking wet.

You're both odd, in a charming sort of way. 8) 8)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 02, 2020, 06:33:02 PM
South Carolina ranks 44th out of 50 states educationally. Here is proof. In my neighborhood, they have now put in some speed bumps. The first we encountered was about 100 yards AFTER one stop sign and about 50 yards BEFORE the next one and with a natural nearly 90 degree curve between them. If this was a street I traveled frequently, I think I would use the space in between all these "slow down" spaces to speed up and make up for having to slow down so damn often. The one very close to me is about 50 yards right before a curve that makes you slow down anyway.

I know that going in the other direction, that is every time I leave the neighborhood, I'm going to ZOOM up to speed after slowing down after slowing down for the curve.

This neighborhood is used exclusively by the people who live here.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on April 03, 2020, 08:46:01 PM
We are allowed out once a day for an hour. And yet today half the people I passed were using their phones. I assume they were changing their Facebook statuses from at home staring gormlessly at my phone, to outside staring gormlessly at my phone.

Normally I walk early so I don't have to see people. Nothing to do with the plague I just don't like people. Work prevented my usual routine and I had to walk mid-morning and I guess that's the peak time for the phone addicted. I didn't like it. It was not as bad as going to a town or god forbid a city, and I admit I only passed 4 people, but 2 were using their phones. Why the fork would they do that during the limited time they have outside with their dogs. 

One bint was pushing a buggy thing with a sprog in it with one hand and had a dog on lead using the same hand so she had a free hand to use her phone.  When the milk lorry came along she let go of the buggy and the dog so she could hold up a hand to stop the lorry, then she manoeuvered the buggy and dog onto the verge and waved the lorry by. During the entire episode, she continued to yabber into the phone. I swear if the lorry hand-driven over her dog and child she still would not have hung up.

Bar that, it's been a nice day.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on April 03, 2020, 10:22:44 PM
Bar that, it's been a nice day.

It's a time to appreciate these small blessings ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on April 14, 2020, 10:40:04 AM
We are allowed out once a day for an hour.

Are you on the honor system?

My husband said some guy outside the grocery store told him that he could be fined if he was caught out without a mask.

First, the government says you don't need masks and now they want to ticket you for not having one. Start handing them out then, Jack.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on April 14, 2020, 11:59:38 AM
Yes in England. No in Wales. In Wales it is now a crime to go out for exercise more than once a day.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 14, 2020, 01:46:17 PM
Who is watching? Who is keeping track? And if you go out to get the mail, does that count as your exercise? If I'm in my garage, is that out? Is "out" meaning off my property?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on April 14, 2020, 02:17:43 PM
Everyone is watching. The police asked people to report on any breaches - such as pubs open or people having parties.

Yes, it is off property. So you can do as you wish in your garage/garden.

As you would expect when this kind of situation occurs in a reality populated by people with no judgment or common sense you get extremes at both ends. Knob heads who think it ok to hitch up the caravan and go for a family holiday at the other end of the country and overzealous cops telling people not to play with their kids in their own garden.

These examples caused much wailing and breast-beating. God alone knows why. You'd have to live the most sheltered life possible not to realise how many cretins we have in the world. Why the fork does it keep surprising people when a cretin does something cretinous?

Moreover, why the fork and I still surprised that people are surprised by the behaviour of cretins? Is it just one of those illusions like when you put a mirror either side of your face and see images going on forever? So a cretin does something cretinous and the surprise bounces about like a bunch of middle-age beer guts at a disco.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 15, 2020, 03:08:08 PM
We are allowed out in the world a bit, but must stay far away from people. It is interesting when we walk around the neighborhood. Always when meeting people now, someone goes out into the street to keep their distance. It is fun to see who leaves the sidewalk and who goes into the street.

It's a game to see how close we approach before someone veers off. Lots of folks defer to the old farts, but I've noticed teenagers never do. They own the world.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 17, 2020, 09:08:59 PM
I know people are antsy and they are scared. And there is a horrible downturn in the economy overall and some people really need a paycheck because they did not listen to the fairy tale about the industrious ant and lived like the grasshopper and had no savings to fall back on. Although, I hear Starbucks coffee is worth losing your house over, so that's okay.

But they are starting to riot and our Idiot in Chief is chastising governors (since he does NOT have the power to lift the stay at home orders) to let people get back out and about. Great. They will because politicians are not playing the long game. And so, in another two weeks, the hospitals will again be filled to bursting and they will be burying people in mass graves.

What the hell is wrong with people? The whole idea was to flatten the curve, not to go back out and spike it again. We haven't "won". There is no winning. This is tantamount to stopping your antibiotics as soon as you start to feel better instead of taking the whole ten day prescription. Or ditching your parachute halfway down because it successfully slowed you and so ... what the hell?

I'm not liking this. I would love to get back to the gym. I'm not exactly dying to get back to the gym, however. I would love to go shopping at a store and select the things I choose to buy and bring them home and not wipe down my entire house and car and self.

Once they all get back out, even though we have seen what happened to the dumbass churches who just HAD to hold Easter services and now people are getting sick in droves ... you would think that would be a lesson. Apparently people are too forking stupid to see it. So, they will go back out and mingle and spread the virus and we will get to start all over once again.

Perhaps we aren't going to die of global warming. We are going to die of global stupidity.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on April 17, 2020, 09:22:43 PM

Perhaps we aren't going to die of global warming. We are going to die of global stupidity.


Maybe not this time, despite some people's best efforts, but that outcome has been on the cards since man first walked on his back legs.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 17, 2020, 11:59:03 PM
The Florida Governor opened the beaches and they are already crowded. We are doomed by the dumb.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on April 18, 2020, 02:08:49 AM
They breed faster too, or that's how it seems.

Whenever someone invents an idiot proof tool, object, or process the first thing Mr & Mrs Idiot do is go upstairs and make a New Improved Model Idiot.

Oh dear, I must be in cynical mode today ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on April 18, 2020, 09:28:28 AM
The Florida Governor opened the beaches and they are already crowded. We are doomed by the dumb.

Or maybe not.  Maybe this is Darwinism finally cutting in.  All the dumbos who think life isn't worth living unless they're surrounded by a lot of other dumbos will up their chances of catching the lurgy, and passing it on to their offspring, their friends and all the other dumbos who measure their worth by the number of people they congregate with.  They won't all die, but a higher proportion of them will die than of the intelligent people who go on maintaining sensible measures as long as there's a need to.  End result: global intelligence quota rises a couple of points. 

Every cloud has a silver lining...
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on April 18, 2020, 10:11:43 AM
Or as airline pilots would say, "Every cloud contains at least one other silvery aluminium tube of fragile beings travelling on a converging course with ours."
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on April 18, 2020, 10:26:39 AM
The problem with the dead-dumbo paradigm is the resources needed as the dumbo transitions from dumbo to dead-dumbo.

It's not as if they will have a moment of sparkling clarity when the coughing starts and crawl under a rock to die! No, they will flock to the hospitals in their dumbo-mobiles and clog up the system.

Basically, the dumbos will take us down with them!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on April 18, 2020, 10:34:02 AM
Perhaps we could dig mass graves and disguise them as theme parks or clubs.  Fit them with one-way doors.   Hotel California, but for real.

I could go a long, long way down this dark spiral.  But I won't.  I'd have to live with myself afterwards.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on April 18, 2020, 01:10:35 PM
Perhaps we could dig mass graves and disguise them as theme parks or clubs.  Fit them with one-way doors.   Hotel California, but for real.

I could go a long, long way down this dark spiral.  But I won't.  I'd have to live with myself afterwards.

Quite frankly, I love the idea of a real Hotel California.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on April 20, 2020, 11:04:37 PM

I could go a long, long way down this dark spiral.  But I won't.  I'd have to live with myself afterwards.

 ;D ;D ;D

I can vouch for the fact it's not easy to live with yourself when you go dark but that was amusing.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on April 21, 2020, 10:30:29 AM
The Florida Governor opened the beaches and they are already crowded. We are doomed by the dumb.

Or maybe not.  Maybe this is Darwinism finally cutting in.  End result: global intelligence quota rises a couple of points. 

Every cloud has a silver lining...

I think that would make life easier for the rest of us but that means we'll all have to step up our game. Not that that's a bad thing.

When 27, I was bar manager at the Ventura County Fairgrounds Satellite Wagering Facility. The company did the hiring, I did the training, alcohol and cigarette inventory, and the cash registers.

They hired this really good looking young hunk of a guy for me to train. Our tap beer inventory was based on a simple cup count of 16 oz cups. I tried to get the guy to just count the cups and collect them and continue adding as we went but he insisted on going to each station, writing down the number of cups, then adding them up to get the wrong number anyway.

I said, "Look, just count them all up. You don't have to write down the number of cups at each station and add it up."

He would get himself so confused over nothing. Good looking guy but he had nothing but air swooshing around inside his head. That was my first encounter with trying to train a numbskull from a management position. 

One guy stole a case - an entire case (6 bottles) of pricey champagne and couldn't understand why I had to fire him. I mean, what the Hell? He cried like a baby and acted as if he was the victim.  That was the first time I had to fire someone. I did not think bar management was worth it. I made more money when I was just making the drinks and waitressing for tips. Screw management. I'd never do it again.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on May 09, 2020, 08:30:05 AM
Why the fork ...

BBC
Quote
Coronavirus: Young men 'more likely to ignore lockdown'

No shit, Sherlock! I had my forking money on it being timorous old spinsters. I mean, who'd have thought that young men, the category of individual famed for calm, reasonable behaviour and acquiescence to even the most ridiculous of rules, would be tempted to put themselves and others at risk by ignoring lockdown.

We should thank the BBC and the team from the University of Sheffield who did the research for bringing this to our attention. I for one send my sincere gratitude to everyone in the department for stating the bleeding obvious for this fantastic bit of research.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on May 09, 2020, 03:47:02 PM
Did you also send your thoughts and prayers?

Why haven't all the world's prayers cured this thing yet? asks the agnostic cynic.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on May 10, 2020, 03:54:26 AM
Isn't it all part of the Christian God's, Great Plan? He has a plan for everyone, you know.  ::)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on May 10, 2020, 07:40:31 AM
It's highly unlikely anyone would want me to send them my thoughts and prayers; even assuming I had a way to do it.

But I would like to answer Patti's question, so here's a poem from many years ago. She was obviously not paying attention at the time.

R.O.F.L

Evil Dwarf Gods

don’t work in mysterious ways —
they work in blatantly obvious ways.

They create tsunamis

and roll on the floor laughing
as all the little people scamper up the beach.

You can pray and ask:
why Gods,
why must you be so cruel?

but they will just tell you to

fuck off

fuck right off
back to the bullfight

or whatever else turns you on.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on May 10, 2020, 09:45:44 AM
Why the fork ...

BBC
Quote
Coronavirus: Young men 'more likely to ignore lockdown'

No shit, Sherlock! We should thank the BBC and the team from the University of Sheffield who did the research for bringing this to our attention. I for one send my sincere gratitude to everyone in the department for stating the bleeding obvious for this fantastic bit of research.

Presumably the same team was responsible for the piece of research, a few years back, that answered the question on everyone's lips: Why do cornflakes go soggy before you can eat them?  The reason - and you'd never have got this on your own - was, Because you put milk on them.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on May 11, 2020, 01:45:56 PM
You can never  be certain because of her advanced age if she WAS in fact, paying attention at the time or not. Because at her advanced age, she often forgets things.

What's her name?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on May 17, 2020, 09:47:18 AM
Whey the fork do I get so many writing ideas when I'm taking a shower? It's the one place I can't take my notebook.

If it's just one simple idea that's fine, I'll keep it in my head until I get out. But, when it's a stream of ideas, gushing like water from a firehose, I need to scribble them down or lose some. So I have to leap out, shake myself dry like a dog, then race through the house naked, tackle swinging like a clapper in a bell being swung by a campanologist with epilepsy, and head for the study.

Notebook is no good as I'm still damp, so I have to stand at my PC trying to type snatches of ideas, written in shorthand fragments, into MS Word. Even then there are problems. Glasses off and most of the words typed are gibberish or glasses on and it's a race against physics as steam slowly works up from bottom to top until I can see bugger all anyway.

Hopefully, I can make sense of the following while the ideas a fresh in (out) of my mind.

cctv not need I'm mots evel man T waves cucumber

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on May 17, 2020, 04:03:21 PM
1)  Voice recorder, or memo function on a mobile phone.  Seal it in a plastic bag and you'll still be able to press the necessary buttons.

2)  Look into 'dive slates) or home made equivalents.

3)  If shower has a tiled wall write on that.  Not always socially acceptable if you value marital bliss.

4)  If shower is large enough to have a wall which rarely gets wet then hang up a simple dry-wipe whiteboard.

Nos 1, 2, &4 have the advantage you can take the words to your writing corner afterwards.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on May 17, 2020, 11:15:47 PM
you could also keep a legal tablet and writing instrument in the bathroom. All you really have to dry is your arm and maybe pat your face and chest dry so you don't drip on the paper.

How bad is your eyesight? I don't really need to watch myself write ... but I do need more oversight when typing as I tend to get my hands on the wrong keys. Yjr, djoy ;ppld ;olr yjod/
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on July 05, 2020, 10:22:27 PM
I was out walking the dogs when a car full of lads stopped and very politely asked me directions to a nearby pub. The stench hit me as soon as they wound down the window. The smell of men's perfume was so strong I was worried for my safety. If it didn't melt my forking eyelids it was bound to scar my lungs!

Why the fork do they need to smell like that?! Surely a quick scrub under the arms with a tablet of carbolic would do the trick. Or is this the new way of finding a mate  -- they have to be able to sniff you out from ten miles away? Or maybe young women find chemical warfare sexually attractive?

The whole metrosexual thing is a mystery to me. What the fork is the point of being a man if you are going to shave your bollocks and waste hundreds of pounds on haircuts and perfume?

Unless of course, the cunning bastards wear all that scent to stop us blokes going to the pub. I suppose that's a possibility.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on July 05, 2020, 10:37:15 PM
Unless of course, the cunning bastards wear all that scent to stop us blokes going to the pub. I suppose that's a possibility.

You may be onto something.  But they'e probably just gullible twats who believe whatever the adverts tell them.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 26, 2020, 11:12:31 AM
I booked my car in for a service and arranged a courtesy car. The bloke said I'd get a confirmation email or letter. Predictably, I suppose, I did not get one.

It's a long drive to Stafford so I wanted to be sure all was ok. I didn't want to get there and find I was not booked or there was no courtesy car and I'd have to stay there all day :(

I went onto the web site to get the telno of the servicing department. Once on the Servicing page up popped a box begging me to chat to them using there on-line chat system. We'd love to help you, just ask any question and we will crawl naked over broken glass to find the answer.

Cool! That would save me going through all the press one for this and two for that cobblers. I gave my name and reg and asked for confirmation of my booking.

"Thank you. Please give me a moment," the help chat person replied.

No problem. I didn't expect an instant response. After all, she was going to get naked and crawl naked over broken glass, which was bound to take a moment or two.

Eventually, she replied. "Thank you for your patience. The number for servicing is 0xxxxxxx. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

What the fork. What does she mean anything else?! "Are you able to confirm my booking?" I asked.

"Sorry I can't do that. I'd have to get someone in my team to check your booking for you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

I, of course, thanked her for her time and then gave myself a damn good talking to. What the hell was I thinking!! I'm sixty years old and should know by now that these chat things are NOT there to be of help. They are there so some marketing git can tell his boss that the web site has a chat thing. Tick in the box.

When the fork will I learn.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on August 26, 2020, 12:22:26 PM
This is so they can give 'meaningful employment' to people who otherwise wouldn't be able to chew gum and walk at the same time.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on August 26, 2020, 01:26:57 PM
Or even chew gum and crawl naked over broken glass.

But here is the important part - did they, in fact, have your booking and your courtesy car?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on August 26, 2020, 02:02:25 PM
I sometimes wonder how the phrase 'crawl naked over broken glass' ever became so popular as an example of extreme willingness.

Does it not pale into insignificance - as would someone suffering from extreme blood loss after attempting this foolish feat, unless the swathe of broken glass was rather small - compared to listening to Barbara Streisand without ear plugs, or being trapped in a small lift with a naked Donald Trump?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on August 26, 2020, 02:30:38 PM
Yes, they had my booking all ok.  ;D

I'm not a fan of taking my car to the garage - it's a waste of my time - so only deal with companies that collect and drop off. BUT it seems they need more notice than the three weeks I gave them to arrange that so I had to go with the courtesy car. Another lesson learnt.

Of course, all these trivialities pale when compared to dealing with my pension company. They are so despicable that I can't even write a why the fork about them in case my blood pressure rises so high my head explodes.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 04, 2020, 09:02:09 AM
You have probably often wondered why not use the teeth of a recently deceased loved one to make jewellery. After all, why the fork not?

https://cdn.gomcgill.com/215795/uploads/a6b51ef0-ad1f-11e9-9af6-c5ebc33c4e0f_800_420.png
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 04, 2020, 09:41:13 AM
Man, that is seriously ugly jewellery.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 04, 2020, 01:57:33 PM
Would this work with my multitudinous crowns? Finally get my money's worth with that?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 05, 2020, 05:08:12 PM
This is a good one.

Day 0. Food processor breaks and I order another one on Amazon. Due for delivery day 1.

Day 1. Package does not arrive but courier sends a message saying: Delivery Attempted. Spoiler alert ... that means they could not find our house.

Day 2. Same as day 1. I contact the courier. They confess that they can't find the house and ask my to send a photo to assist the driver. I do that gladly and also put up an extra sign by the drive.

Day 3 AM. I get a message to say they have delivered the package. They send a photo of it on the drive. Problem. It is not on my drive or any drive a recognise. I call them. They apologise and ring the driver. He agrees to go back to wherever, collect the package and bring it to me before midday,

Day 3 PM. The package has not arrived. I call the courier. There is nothing they can do. It seems things have just got too difficult. As I speak to them I receive an email asking me to rate them on Trust Pilot. There is no rating below 1 star so I don't bother. ASIDE: would it useful if there were turds as well as stars. A Trust Pilot rate of 3 Turds. would really help consumers make a choice.

I speak to Amazon. Ever helpful, they arrange for a new item to be sent using a different courier. It will arrive day 4 guaranteed.

Day 4. Nothing arrives. I check tracking and see the package will arrive day 5. Ho Hum. I never believed the day 4 guarantee anyway.

Day 5 AM. One of my neighbours (from about 1/2 mile away) arrives with the first package (the one on the drive I did not recognise.) I contact Amazon and tell them to cancel the replacement. They will try, but if it arrives would I be kind enough to refuse to accept it. Yes, I would.

Day 5 PM. Nothing arrives. Looks like Amazon managed to cancel the replacement. Hurrah.

Day 6. A neighbour (NOT the same one as before) calls to say a delivery van just dropped something on their drive and scampered off without speaking to anyone. It is a package for me. Yes, it is the replacement. I now have 2 items.

I call Amazon. They will arrange for collection of the second item. That's good but I tell them a specific date that they must not try to collect on as I will not be here. No problem. They send a collection label and ask if there's anything else they can do for me.

Yes, there is. May I just double check that you are not going to collect on the day I specifically said I would be out. No, the agent says, they will collect on Monday.

Of course, Monday is the day I told them not to collect on.

So, they change the day to Tue. What the fork are the chances they will find the house for a collection having failed on the last 4 attempts?

I should mention that Amazon (who are fab) gave me a load of free stuff for my trouble. Also, Amazon's own drivers always find my house no problem.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 05, 2020, 10:05:32 PM
Don't y'all have GPS over there or even Google maps? Do you live off the grid? (my nephew owns a house off the grid and no one can find it ever)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 05, 2020, 10:31:08 PM
We have GPS. Enter the postcode (zip) and you arrive at my road. There are 5 houses on my road. The driver had a photograph of my house. And yet ...
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on September 05, 2020, 10:56:53 PM
Some delivery drivers are just clueless, that's all there is to it.  You have to wonder how they find their own way home at night.  Maybe they live in the van ;-)
Some of them should never have been given a driving licence.

One of our Royal Mail chaps was famous for getting things done quickly.   But once the litany of crunched gateposts, backed over flowerbeds and ripped up lawns began to mount he was sent back to bicycle deliveries.  You'd be amazed how much damage he managed with just a bicycle.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 16, 2020, 05:51:16 AM
How I ended up at a rodeo in Montana is a convoluted story, so, I'll spare you the boring and astonishingly dysfunctional details, but I was at a rodeo in early June by the Blue Moon in Columbia Falls, Montana one evening. I'm not a fan of rodeos and wasn't thrilled with the idea during a pandemic. I wouldn't have gone but I was a guest at someone's home and felt obligated. So, we went and I made the best of it.

Social distancing was not on the program. I was THE ONLY person wearing a facemask. I also had a bandana over the facemask, you know, in the spirit of the western theme. The way people were staring at me, in this red state of Republicans, you would have thought I was a blue unicorn.

We sat at the very top of the bleachers and I noticed a young man standing up at the bottom row of seats make eye-contact with me. It seemed friendly enough. I smiled but of course, he couldn't see that.

About 10 minutes later, we was sitting beside me and made a gesture, circling his mouth as he asked me, "Who are you?"

Me, being the smartass that I am and knowing full well by the look on his face he couldn't care less what my name was, I said, "I'm the Lone Ranger."


He didn't find that nearly as amusing as my friend did. Actually, he wasn't amused in the least.

He said, "You can take that off. We don't use those around here."

I told him that I had just been traveling and was wearing a mask to keep everyone else safe.

He gave me a disgusted look and left.

Why the fork should he or anyone else care if I had a bandana on or not?

I would say, 75% of Montanans I encountered on my trip, at the time were not wearing masks. Lots of Trump signs up there.

I was relieved to be healthy fourteen days later.





Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on September 21, 2020, 03:13:26 PM
Why the fork is no one saying anything about Russia's and China's reporting of COVID cases? Russia apparently gets so many new cases a day and then stops counting.

China, with over a billion people crammed into very high density populations had 12 new cases yesterday. My county which is a small dot in a small state, had 13.

Why is this not being questioned by news outlets? I can think of no possible explanation other that false reporting for either country and we act like everyone is simply telling the truth. There have been no spikes at all in Russia and virtually no cases in China. That's simply bullshit.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on September 21, 2020, 11:06:14 PM
I completely agree with you, Patti but I'm pretty sure they lie about everything anyway. Our country does it too. The guy posing as president even admitted to lying. I'm not sure any of them know how to tell the truth.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 22, 2020, 08:08:43 AM
I'm not that bothered about reporting in Russia et al.

Anyway, I'm not convinced any stat matters bar number of confirmed deaths. I see the argument for measuring cases but not the way it is presented as a whole number. For it to be relevant it would have to as a percentage of those tested. Not once have I seen that.

Example:

Month 1 there were 20,000 cases of covid in XXX

Month 2 there were 30,000 cases of covid in XXX

Shit things are getting worse. Nope, because in month 1 they tested 40,000 people so 50% had it and in month 2 they tested 100,000 people so only 30% had it.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on September 23, 2020, 11:03:02 AM
Why the fork are banks pretending that they are not thieves?

The hopeless winkers at Santander keep emailing me trying to tempt me to open a savings account. I of course already have one with them but of course, that's not going to stop the marketing zealots from pesting me. Anyway, that's not my point.

They tried to tempt me with an savings interest rate of 0.01%. So if I had £250,000 to spare they would generously pay me £25 a year in interest. Yes, a quarter of million quid would earn me enough for a cup of coffee (once the other bunch of thieves in the revenue have stolen their half.)

These banky winkers would lend MY money to some poor sod who needed a mortgage and charge him about 2.6%, earing themselves £6,500 a year interest. I know they have mistresses and coke habits to support, but still ...
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: geoffnelder on September 23, 2020, 06:43:27 PM
Why the fork are the hills I've been cycling up for the last 60+ years getting steeper?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 11, 2020, 07:28:29 PM
Quote
The 6 Benefits of Mouth Taping You Should Know About

Why the fork was this "mouth taping" not available when I was married to my second wife?!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: geoffnelder on October 11, 2020, 08:58:05 PM
Why the fork did the Covid test woman stick her stick so far down the back of my throat then transfer what's left of my tonsils up my nose as far as the back of my skull?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on October 11, 2020, 11:24:48 PM
Quote
The 6 Benefits of Mouth Taping You Should Know About

Why the fork was this "mouth taping" not available when I was married to my second wife?!

Why would you need that when there is the time honored and universal option of "Ignoring your wife" available for free?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 12, 2020, 07:37:41 AM
Wife (turning red in the face):  "Are you ignoring me?"

Husband (looking around as if puzzled):  "Did someone speak?"

=====

Wife:  "Why are you ignoring me?"

Husband:  "It's not easy, but someone has to try."

===
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 12, 2020, 08:12:30 AM
...
Why would you need that when there is the time honored and universal option of "Ignoring your wife" available for free?

It takes years of practice to be able to completely shut out the droning sound. The tape would have been a shortcut.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on October 12, 2020, 09:43:32 AM
Did you ever think of staying single?  And making both of you happier?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 12, 2020, 10:43:58 AM
Being single has a lot going for it (he said quietly and with one eye on the office door.) But love is a strange thing and very similar to marketing in many ways.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on October 12, 2020, 12:11:35 PM
Then stop whinging about the fly in the ointment!  I don't suppose you're Mister Perfect either.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 12, 2020, 07:00:52 PM
I was simply likening mouth tape to say, overreaching boots for horses. Both products solve a problem. That's all.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on October 12, 2020, 07:26:01 PM
Over-reach boots solve more problems that you might guess.  I had a horse once who moved very close behind, scuffing his coronet bands with the opposite shoe.  I put over-reach boots on his back feet, and they worked perfectly as a buffer.  But you wouldn't believe the number of people who stopped me to say, "You've put his over-reach boots on the wrong legs"...
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 26, 2020, 12:27:42 PM
WTF does my ISP send me a survey to fill in every month?  WTF do they think telling me it will only take three minutes to complete serves as any kind of inducement?   (I looked at it once, and it's all just tick boxes with a scale of 1-10.  There is a box for any other comments at the end, but you can't fill in that bit - which could be useful, if anyone ever reads them - without dancing through the other steps first.)

WTF hasn't some clever little algorithm told them that all I ever do with these annoying things is delete them?

WTF can't they work out that if I've been with them this many years I'm a reasonably contented customer.  (If I wasn't I'd soon be in touch.)  WTF can't they work out that if they keep annoying me I may go somewhere else.

My GP has stopped sending me 'customer satisfaction' surveys since I wrote in the box that I was a patient, not a bloody customer, but otherwise I was perfectly happy with them.

My milkman doesn't bombard me with grovelling requests for reassurance that he's delivered my milk properly.

When I changed electricity and gas suppliers recently they sent me a letter saying they were sorry to see me go, and offering a phone number and an email address in case I wanted to discuss my reasons.  But no bloody multiple choice idiot form.

The water people just quietly take the money, adjust the bill if necessary,  and deliver the goods.  What more could I ask?

=====

Are all ISPs equally annoying, or is it just Virgin being appropriately timid? ;-)

I can't recall BT being so in need of reassurance, or Cable and Wireless, or any of the others over the years.  NTL would check once after they made any changes, but seemed to believe the answers.

When I pay for a service I expect to get it, as per contract.  Nothing less, but nothing more either.  Doesn't mean we have to be pseudo-buddies and live in each other's pockets, does it?

Gyppo





Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on October 26, 2020, 01:27:27 PM
No one asks over here.

When we called our former service provider and asked if we, as loyal customers of long standing (more than a decade) could have the same rate as they offer to new customers, we were told they simply couldn't do that.

We got a new ISP which was finally available in our area.

They old ISP repeatedly sent "we love you and want you back" emails for months. They had their chance.

The new ISP is faster and doesn't drop service as often as well as being cheaper.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 27, 2020, 03:03:37 PM
BT recently sent me a survey after I'd reported a problem. One of the questions was

Where were you when the incident occurred?
(which is a strange question IMO)

My reply:
At home, looking out of the window at a BT engineer up a pole, wondering how long it would be before my broadband went down. Not long as it happens.

These things do matter though. If I could tell who'd bought my books through Amazon I'd certainly pester them for a review!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 28, 2020, 12:17:51 PM
Why the fork do online wine retailers need to be so sneaky? When the lockdown happened I looked around for somewhere to buy wine online. The myriad of sellers all seemed to have some complicated scheme where they needed to deliver cases of wine at specific intervals (who the hell is so precise about their wine consumption?!) or you might need to adopt a starving one-legged, vintner living at the foothills of the Andes to support New World vineyards.

Virgin though seemed to offer a simple system where you ordered the wine you liked and they delivered it the next day. Perfect. And the wine was nice too. Then one day I got an offer from Virgin (by email) for a crate at half price. I bought a crate. Later I got an email about their winebank. I tend to drink my wine rather than store it in a vault so I ignored it.

It seems that by buying the half-price crate then subsequently ignoring the email about the winebank I'd signed up to join the winebank. I got an email thanking me and saying my first payment into my winebank account (£25) would happen on Sunday.

I think the winebank thing is quite good, BUT, I strongly object to being sighed up for stuff by default. So I logged into my account to cancel. Of course, there was no cancel option. This forked me off even more than being opted in without my specific agreement.

I then had a nice chat with Victoria who said she was sorry and they would do anything to keep me in the winebank system. "Just tell me what it will take," she said. I was tempted to ask for a free crate but in the end decided to stand on principle and cut off my nose to spite my face.

One must take a stand.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 28, 2020, 01:13:07 PM
There's altogether too much of this 'join our club ' approach to business.

There's quite a few potentially interesting and informative websites that I've backed away from, because they expect you to sign up, (the dance of the seven clicks), and sell your soul, (or your credit card details), before they even let you have a look around.  It's a strange way to attract customers/readers.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 28, 2020, 02:02:38 PM
The stupid thing is, I may have joined their winebank if it had not been for the strongarm approach.

As an example fo how it should be done, take audible (audiobooks.) They offer a number of options that are easy to understand and equally easy to cancel. They offer 100% satisfaction too. Any book you don't like you get a refund. No quibble. Even if you have listened to the whole thing.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on October 28, 2020, 02:07:30 PM
I have been very careful on Amazon because when you buy certain consumable products, you might be signing up for a monthly delivery. I do not need a monthly delivery and only want the single item. Good thing I'm not drinking up Mark's wine and online shopping!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on October 28, 2020, 03:46:28 PM
The amazon subscribe and save thing is a bit annoying, but easy to avoid.

It might not be a bad thing though. I'd save £2 on each delivery of dog food and I've ordered the food 30 times. I could have used the £60 saved to buy more wine!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on October 28, 2020, 04:26:57 PM
Amazon Prime feels a bit like putting all your eggs in one basket.  it's convenient, but goes against so much we've grown up with.  For those who've never done anything else it probably feels fine, and so convenient.

It makes you a consumer, not a customer.  Consumers are a market to be manipulated and exploited.  Customers are those contrary buggers who can be incredibly loyal, but sometimes take a whim to try a different supplier.  The ones who see buying as an option, not just a habit.

That's my take on it.  Cheapness should never be the only selling point.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: geoffnelder on October 28, 2020, 06:45:07 PM
I accidentally nudged the Amazon Prime then spent weeks getting out of it. Like you say, Gyppo, I want to be able to choose where I buy stuff even if I have to pay postage. I might take a different view after moving house next month and start looking around for entertainment media that offer better choices than the free stuff I get now.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 01, 2020, 05:50:57 AM
Seems like everything is sneaky these days. Is there still hope for humanity? You can't even open an app or a webpage without giving your rights to privacy away.


Four of my favorite stores and three of my favorite restaurants have closed.

Sears closed for crying out loud. It's like my childhood walked out the door with my lifetime guarantee on all of the Craftsman products we own. Sears was my only favorite corporate retailer. That likely has more to do with my memories of going there with my grandfather when I was a little girl than enjoying shopping there. I did like to buy shoes at Sears and we used to take the kids to visit Santa in the mall then go to Sears Portrait Studio. Once the portrait studio closed down about 10 or so years ago, we stopped doing family portraits.  :( I still cannot find an equivalent price, quality bargain.

I like Mom and Pop places but they are fewer and further between. One city looks like the next so much so that the cities with any kind of unique characteristics and stores are the ones everyone goes to escape their own generic atmosphere. Because of that, those places are too crowded to enjoy. You know, back when one could try to enjoy such things?

Is it just me, or am I bitching a lot? I guess that would be just me, right? Buwahahaha! I'm losing it.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 01, 2020, 08:05:01 AM
Is it just me, or am I bitching a lot? I guess that would be just me, right? Buwahahaha! I'm losing it.

I think we're all feeling a bit frayed around the edges these days.

Think I might cancel Christmas this year.  Oh, hang on, I already do that anyway, apart from making a little effort for Alma.

Maybe I'm losing it too. ;-)

Gyppo

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 01, 2020, 03:23:15 PM
I'm not sure I ever even had it.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 01, 2020, 04:44:10 PM
I'm not sure I ever even had it.

Oh, I definitely had it ;-)  Even now it's not lost, just stored away in a box somewhere safe.  But sometimes it's too much hassle to dig it back out.  Except in emergencies or for special occasions when it presents itself ready for use.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 02, 2020, 01:52:17 PM
My older son is very conscientious. The younger, not so much. So I have different expectations. I get a new set of workouts every Sunday and then I report my results day by day.

There were no new workouts posted yesterday. Craig is the firefighter and I figured he might have been busy. All was okay. There was still no workout this morning. I started to panic. I waited until nearly 7.30 and then sent a text. Shift change is at 8, so if he was going off, he should be up and if he was going in, he should be up. And if he was just home, Frankie was going to need to get to school. I figured it was safe.

Five minutes went past without a reply. I immediately went into catastrophe mode and had him either hurt in a burning building or run over by a car at a traffic accident or even had him attacked by the lunatics who are ambushing police and shooting them.

He got back to me and is fine. Of course.

Why the fork do I always go right off the deep end. I didn't just think that maybe something went wrong with the system (which is likely the case and he is looking into it) but immediately had him hospitalized or worse. I do this all the time. I just can't seem to stay logical or calm when left to ruminate about possible reasons for my family's issues. They have always, so far, been within the scope of reason. Well, except for the phone call from my sister saying Mom was dead, but I mean .... I've been doing this crap for a lot longer than that.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 02, 2020, 02:35:05 PM
I generally operate on a 'No news is good news' system.  Experience has taught me that bad news always finds its way to me, generally pretty damn fast too.

But we've become used to easy communications, usually through several possible channels, so if all of them break down or fail at the same time 'panic mode' is waiting to exploit this rare opportunity.

I sometimes feel the easy options for 'instant' communication aren't doing us any favours.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 02, 2020, 11:21:09 PM
I was doing pretty good until it took nearly ten minutes to answer a text. I don't know why I expected instantaneous reply, but I did. The whole thing is fixed and all is well. I'm hoping I was his only client with missing workouts.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on November 11, 2020, 07:26:34 AM
I'm the same way, Patti. I can go from zero to worst-case-scenario in less than a minute.

We live on a 30 mile stretch of a four-lane highway known as, Blood Alley. Highway 126 between Interstate 5 by Magic Mountain and the 126 Freeway in Santa Paula. We've lost several friends, classmates, police officers, and friends and family of friends and classmates over the years on Highway 126. Other than two mountain passes, it's the main road in and out of our small town and limited shopping availability.

Anytime I hear sirens around the time the boys are due home or if it's late and they are not home, I have to call to make sure they are safe or warn them of a possible accident so they can plan accordingly.

I've learned to quell the madness over the years. I think it comes from waiting for the other shoe to drop syndrome.

I have a longer explanation but find myself lacking the patience to write and edit it or to allow my mind to go there. I suppose this is an aversion to answering the question, what's really wrong with me?  ;)

Why the fork do I stress needlessly?

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 11, 2020, 08:48:28 AM
Forking communications ...

I got an email from Hermes a parcel delivery company. It is important that before reading any further you understand that the email is FROM Hermes.

Quote
Hi Mark Hoffmann
We're expecting your parcel from Hermes.
We'll let you know as soon as we receive it.

Although we've received initial instruction to deliver your parcel, we're reliant on Hermes giving us the parcel.

We sent you this email on behalf of Hermes as they've asked us to deliver a parcel to you.

What the fork are they talking about?!

I also got this from amazon. You may have heard of amazon; they sell books and stuff.

Quote
Earlier, we mistakenly sent you an email with the subject line "诚邀您参与亚马逊广告问卷调研". You do not need to take any action, and we apologize for any confusion.

Thank you,

Well that's a forking relief. I was about to take action straight away. Good job they warned me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on November 11, 2020, 09:03:15 AM
Earlier, we mistakenly sent you an email with the subject line "诚邀您参与亚马逊广告问卷调研". You do not need to take any action, and we apologize for any confusion.

Thank you,
[/quote]

I always take action immediately when I receive a mail like that.  No point in having a [DELETE] button otherwise.  And very satisfying it is too ;-)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 16, 2020, 10:17:57 AM
Why the fork is there a cartoon of a man sniffing his armpit on the NHS poster advising me that if I have a high temperature or a continuous cough, or changes to my sense of taste or smell I should get tested immediately?

Won't this encourage people with clean armpits to panic and think they have COVID  :-\
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 17, 2020, 02:34:35 PM
I wanted to see this poster but couldn't find it on the interwebs. Such a disappointment.


I can see it now, a drop in deodorant/antiperspirant sales all blamed on COVID
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 17, 2020, 02:36:30 PM
I did read one leaflet that the NHS has on the top of their page.

Quote
Keep toilets, bathrooms and towels clean

Is this something new in the UK? We sorta do this all the time over here.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on November 17, 2020, 02:55:55 PM
You are forgetting, perhaps, that I have spent some time in the US. And not just California, I have even been to Newark.  :o
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on November 17, 2020, 04:33:58 PM
Perhaps it is not a coastal thing ... wait, I live on a coast.

I simply have always kept my toilets and towels clean. Along with the rest of the bathroom.
This does seem a bit of an odd requirement for an airborne virus, but there ya go. Helps to limit dysentery, too.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 18, 2020, 06:20:59 AM
Forking glitches.

On Friday, I attempted to order a single box of one dozen gourmet, chocolate-covered strawberries from Sharri's Berries online to be delivered on Monday. On Monday, I received a notification telling me that the order didn't go through due to technical problems.

I re-ordered the box to be delivered on Tuesday. I would have gone into a local shop to pick up myself but everything local is shut because of COVID-19 and I wasn't going to drive an hour and a half each way into COVID-19 infested Los Angeles to get gourmet strawberries.

The first part of the order asks for the recipient's name, address, and phone number. The second part asks for the sender's name, address phone number, and to verify if the sender and name on the credit card are the same, and if the billing address is the same as the sender's address. Okay.  Yes.

At the end of the transaction, the website asked if I would be so kind as to share my order experience and then glitched out.

On Tuesday I was informed my order would be delivered on Wednesday.

So, imagine my surprise when Sharri's Berries sent a confirmation to my e-mail for three boxes of strawberries for $124.00! I called Sharri's Berries which is now only reachable through 1-800-FLOWERS to tell them I only meant to order one box. The customer service agent apologized and said they were having issues with the website and, "Management was advised on Friday."

She said I would be refunded $90 unless I wanted to keep all three boxes for a 10% discount. I told her I would happily take the discount on the one box but that I only wanted one box. She withdrew the 10% discount. I asked her to send me an e-mail confirmation of the $90 refund and I stayed on the line with her until I got that e-mail.

On Wednesday, two boxes of strawberries were delivered. I better not be charged for two boxes.

So the management was made aware on Friday, and as of Wednesday, they still didn't have their glitch fixed. I'm not sending the extra box back, nor am I paying for it. I would write a letter but the service by mail has been so crappy for us this past month, I doubt my complaint would get a second look.

Maybe they sent me a bonus box for my trouble, but I doubt it.



Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 18, 2020, 07:35:14 AM
I can see where Sharri's customer services went wrong! They informed management about an IT problem when what they needed to do was track down a forking, beardy bloke in sandals and inform him.

When you think of management structures you tend to think of a triangle shape, with lots of works at the bottom and one bloke at the top making all the decisions. In fact, you have to flip that on its head and imagine an inverted triangle. At the top you have a herd of useless forkers flailing around in the dark and worrying about their company cars and business card font, while at the bottom there is just one poor sod who knows stuff and does stuff.

Because there's just the one poor sod who knows stuff and does stuff he has a lot on his plate. And it's hard for him to concentrate because there's always at least two of the useless forkers jumping up and down demanding he does something they need straight away - often reset their forking password because they have forgotten it again.

No wonder the poor sod hasn't got round to fixing the glitch on the website!!!

THE ABOVE IS NOT A JOKE. IT'S WHAT BUSINESS IS ACTUALLY LIKE.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 18, 2020, 08:24:39 AM
I used to be the bar manager at the Ventura County Fairgrounds. I know how mixed up things can get with management and mismanagement. It's sort of like complaining to the alcohol delivery guy after the bartender screws up your drink.

In this case, I suspect the new, temporary customer satisfaction link screwed up the links on the site somehow. Now, I feel guilty about keeping the two boxes of strawberries.

 The birthday boy loved them and shared.

On another good note, I tried Neapolitan pizza last night. It was divine.  ;)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 18, 2020, 03:43:41 PM
On November 27, I ordered a bike from Amazon. It was in stock, according to the page. It is a fat tire, one speed, big ass seat, old fashioned handlebars, with a basket and a cup holder and a phone holder and fenders. Whew. Perfect for an old fart.

On December 10, I got an email from Amazon, telling me my bike was, in fact, out of stock, and they were cancelling my order maybe. It was poorly worded. I wrote to Amazon (although all this is being done through Amazon, the bike is coming from a distributor other than Amazon but my email address is not given out to those people, so Amazon remains the intermediary) and asked if I could just wait until the bike came back into stock and have it delivered. I didn't need it by a specific date.

The very next day I got another letter saying the bike was back in stock and would be shipped and should arrive by Dec. 17. All good.

It is Dec. 18 and I have no bike. It is coming via FedEx. I do not have a FedEx shipping number, only the distributor does. So, I have now asked Amazon to please ask the shipper for a tracking number so I can see where the hell this damn bike is. What the fork is so hard about all this? Why did they keep the tracking number secret?

I still don't care about WHEN I get the bike. But I really do not want the bike stolen from my porch. So, here I am. Bikeless. Trackless. And cranky.

I have no idea where the bike is except in the hands of FedEx. Amazon says I can contact FedEx with questions which I'm sure will be wonderful when I ask them "Where is my bike?" without having a tracking number.

Why the fork was that not routinely put into the shipping area information?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 18, 2020, 03:50:20 PM
And I just heard from them with this gem:

Thank you for reaching out and I am sorry for the inconvenience and confusion.

Lately, Amazon Tracking System is providing wrong information on the tracking numbers. But nothing to worry about this as your order will arrive on Wed, Jan 6. Should this not be the case, please contact us back so we can further assist you with your refund request.


DO YOU see a tracking number in there? I see no tracking number.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 18, 2020, 03:59:32 PM
The cracks are starting to show.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 19, 2020, 03:33:12 PM
I sent back a reply simply stating.


Will you please send me a tracking number

and I got the same form letter for the second time in one day. FedEx would not take that long to delivery anything. I think someone might be riding the bike from the factory to my house. Or maybe just the distribution center to my house. That is located in Kentucky.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 19, 2020, 04:45:31 PM
Last time I had an issue with an Amazon delivery I ended up over £350 up on the deal.

I was extremely polite in all my dealings (yes, I bloody was, so there's no need to pull that face) but I firmly pointed out all the ways they'd failed me.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on December 19, 2020, 06:00:40 PM
No doubt about it.  Polite but firm usually gets results.

Merely mouthing off at the miscreants may make you feel a bit better for a while, but usually gains you nothing.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on December 20, 2020, 06:01:59 AM
I sent back a reply simply stating.


Will you please send me a tracking number

and I got the same form letter for the second time in one day. FedEx would not take that long to deliver anything. I think someone might be riding the bike from the factory to my house. Or maybe just the distribution center to my house. That is located in Kentucky.

Or maybe it was never sent? Did you call the origin company? They should have the tracking number. I'm dealing with a similar problem with a shipment from China. They say the package was delivered at our door. I haven't seen it yet and though there is a tracking number, I can't prove I did not get it and they can't prove I did. Plus, they are in China and cannot be reached by phone.  :( :o ::) Never again will I order from Banggood in China. 

I can't wait to hear or read what Mark has to say about a hobby store in China called, Banggood .
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on December 20, 2020, 09:54:32 AM
Funny you should mention that. When I was stationed in Hong Kong, Banggood was the nickname the local girls gave me.  8) Or it might have been Bangfast; I can't recall now.

In the UK, delivery-people take a photo to prove it was delivered to the correct place. That was part of the story with my refunds from Amazon. They sent me a picture of the delivery showing someone else's house!

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 20, 2020, 04:16:53 PM
I'm fairly positive my bike has not been shipped yet. If I get the bike later, I really don't care. I have no idea why lying to the customer about shipping is considered a good business strategy. I wouldn't have been so upset if I knew it wasn't coming until January. But this is annoying. Yes, I know I annoy easily.

I have saved every damn single missive to and from these asshats. I really don't want them to have to give me a free bike. I just would like the bike I have ALREADY paid for. Amazon okayed the charge after the company said they shipped it. Ah, I smell a rat there.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: geoffnelder on December 20, 2020, 08:49:54 PM
It might be a tad more expensive but I buy my bikes from a bike shop. They are open during lockdown so we can keep fit and healthy as long as the bike shop doesn't have COVID. I've rarely bought a bike that didn't need to go back for tweaking, sometimes serious tweaking.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on December 21, 2020, 03:38:28 PM
They have now offered me a $20 discount if I will take down the complaint as it hurts small businesses like theirs. I would if I could figure out how, but even with their directions, I could not find the right button and I'm afraid to hit something that actually cancels the order. I want the bike. What hurt their small business was lying to the customer.

Geoff, this is a crap bike. I'm going to ride around the neighborhood, not for 50 to 100 miles. The only other place I could have gotten one is Walmart. And that might have been the better choice, now that I think about it. But, Amazon usually really delivers. And if this company gets in trouble because they over promised and said they shipped when they didn't, that's their problem. The scary thing is that once the package "shipped" my credit card was hit and I have already paid the bill. They have my money. I have no bike. Still. For weeks.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on January 06, 2021, 11:39:23 AM
Why the fork are the developers at Apple such utter winkers?!!!!

Previously, if you were on a call on your iPhone and you wanted to use the speaker (so that you could carry on peeling the sprouts as you listened to the inane music from whichever call centre you were trying to call) you tapped a speaker icon and were instantly hands-free.

How can you improve on that you may wonder. Some genius at Apple decided to declutter the keypad screen and remove such items. He didn't get rid of it altogether though. He just put it on a second screen. Well, that's not so bad. Or it wouldn't be so bad if it was obvious or intuitive how to get to that second screen.

What our cretinous coder decide to do was use the word HIDE in tiny letters at the bottom right of the keypad as the route through to page 2.

Of course, no one in their right mind is going to tap a link called HIDE while on the phone because if you have any previous experience of Apple OS's you know for sure that it would instantly hide the sodding keypad and provide exactly zero obvious ways of getting it back. No thank you very much, I won't be tapping HIDE anytime soon.

This is where chimpanzees demonstrate their value to mankind. They have no such qualms and will fearlessly tap anything while grinning like Trump supporters at a lynching. Once the chimps had found out where the speaker icon was hidden (ironically without even getting the irony of unhiding something by tapping hide) all was well and humans soon cottoned on.

So, we are happy. Until the next software update.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 06, 2021, 12:12:10 PM
I really don't get the endless search for 'improvements' to something which works perfectly well.

An additional and truly useful function is one thing, but endless tinkering just for the sake of it eventually ends in something which doesn't work work and just pisses off the user.  Like a Swiss Army Knife with a million useless blades and gadgets, gradually added until it forgets it's supposed to be a knife.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on January 06, 2021, 02:24:18 PM
Seconded.

Has anyone been on the PLR website since the British Library took it over?  I spent a frustrating half-hour yesterday trying to get my latest statement.  You used to go on and see a button marked, "Log-On", and everything followed from that.  Now you get a page full of primary-colour graphics like an early learning centre, and somewhere in the midst of a whole raft of irrelevant waffle there's a link which might - and turns out to, when you're desperate enough to hit anything - take you to the log-on page.

Why the fork bombard people who've come on to a library site with pictures?  Do they think we can't read?  That we were actually looking for the British Comic-Book site?  The British Library is a world-famous institution, a bastion of literacy and the English language.  No one would ever guess it from their web-site home page.

Finally got my statement.  That was a bit disappointing, too.  Still, this year, what can you expect?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 06, 2021, 03:06:51 PM
Almost every redesign is full of crap that no one wanted. And yet, years later, we find it a necessary feature.

My iPhone sisters can Laugh at a text I send. I can't. But Verizon just told me that they have added some features to texting. I hope that is one. The other thing they told me was that I was getting low on data and had three days left until my next billing cycle. We use very little data and our bill itself reflects that. I Verizon was just hoping I would give them that other $15 they so desperately needed without checking anything.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on January 08, 2021, 12:41:37 PM
My friend, Lori, had to buy a new iPhone on our road trip because hers just died.  It was nothing like the one she had before. The screens were completely different, accessed, and scrolled strangely, and not one bit intuitive. I was sure she was going to toss it out the window a few times. It really made me appreciate my Android.

I'm not always a fan of updates and newer versions. Sometimes they screw things up and not all improvements are good ones.

Microsoft has cut me off from my 365 plan and will not let me autosave Word documents because my subscription is up in MARCH!!! Wankers. I'm bombarded with reminders every time I use WORD.

Epson is bad about that too. They must have new updates every week. I think they're just slowly sucking the ink empty because I don't know where it disappears to. As soon as an ink tank is replaced, Epson wants to sell you another one and they've got the non-stop pop-ups to prove it. All of this non-stop product pushing is becoming a peeve for me. I see flashes of printer rage getting triggered in the near or smear future.  >:( ??? ;)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 08, 2021, 03:34:44 PM
Open Office, a free suite of programs available for download online for decades now, can open Microsoft documents (unless Microsoft did something of late to stop that) and works beautifully for free.

Epsom and Lexmark go through ink like it water. That's why I prefer HP printers. They may cost a little more to buy, but they don't blast through the ink. And mine don't update constantly. I have one laser and one ink jet.

The only think wrong with the laser one was that it took me for damn ever to get the power saver to stop saving power. It would go into a deep sleep and I would have to restart the whole printer if I didn't print something at least daily. And I usually don't. So it saved lots of power but it never worked when I wanted it to print, which is the feature I actually purchased it for.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 08, 2021, 03:53:11 PM

The only think wrong with the laser one was that it took me for damn ever to get the power saver to stop saving power. It would go into a deep sleep and I would have to restart the whole printer if I didn't print something at least daily.

I wonder that was what was happening to my little laser printer.  A while back I updated the driver because it suggested I should, and after that it no longer whirred into life instantly when I pressed start.  After a bit of cussing I uninstalled it completely and then reinstalled.  It told me I was using an 'old' driver and offered to change it for the latest one.  I declined and its been working as I want ever since.  At one point during the changeover it asked if I wanted to turn off notifications, so I said 'Yes'.

Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on January 08, 2021, 03:56:07 PM
I had to push this button with that button, then the other button, that offer a drink to Satan from within a pentagram, spin around in a counterclockwise motion and then touch another button, but only gently. Or something like that. It finally stopped going into deep sleep and prints whenever I sent a print job that way.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on January 08, 2021, 04:48:27 PM
Some software, and the hardware it runs, is like a naughty child who has got the wrong idea about things.  So you have to send it to its room until it's forgotten the tangled thoughts.  It will rarely apologise, but you can live with this if the end result is satisfactory.

If polite entreaties and cajoling words don't work try swearing a bit.   It probably won't help, but sometimes it does the trick.  If all this fails then uninstall the damned programme, unplug the device, and leave it alone for a while.

The gremlins inside will call you a bad sport and bugger off to annoy someone else.   
This is not your problem, so don't feel guilty about it.  The time needed to have a drink and a snack is generally long enough, because they're usually attention deficient little horrors.

Then restart the computer, let it settle down.  Then plug in the troublesome device.  Let Windows 'Plug and Pray' identify what it gullibly believes to be a completely new peripheral and choose a driver for you.  If it says it can't find one, but suggests a basic generic driver which will work, then say 'Yes'.

This usually works well.  Very well.  But...  If you're a persistent fiddler with the newest and latest shiny objects it leaves the option for you to bugger around later and mess it all up again if you insist.  In the meantime your computer and devices will be happy enough to just do as you ask.

Gyppo

PS:  It doesn't matter if you don't believe in computer gremlins.  They have complete and unshakeable faith in you.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 10, 2021, 09:56:42 AM
Two forks today. Not enough to make a forking set of cutlery, but a start I suppose.

1. Why the fork are companies still using forking cheques? [In fact why the fork are we still using currency, but that's a bigger question.] It is so simple and easy to transfer money yet these total spanners still insist on printing out cheques and creating work for recipients. They should have the word luddite branded on their foreheads.

2. Why oh why oh why does my bank make it so hard for me to order a new paying in book? There used to be a customer services web page that you could get to from the main menu. On that page was an option 'order paying in book' that you could tick. But then the useless forkers in their IT department decide to improve it. They removed the customer service page.

Of course they did, that's an obvious improvement. Nope! You now have to use the message facility. Not that bad I hear you say. But wait, you must pick a subject for your message and none of the subjects in the list are appropriate. (Suprised not.)

If you are sipping coffee at this moment, swallow before you read on ... To order a new paying in book you must create a message with the subject Order New Cheque Book. Then in the message body you have to tell them you don't need a new cheque book you need a new paying in book.

No! I'm not forking making that up!! This is one of the UK's largest banks and that is how they instruct you to order a paying in book.

It's forking lucky someone invented velcro because these banking forkers would have no chance with shoelaces.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on February 10, 2021, 03:12:29 PM
This woman used Gorilla Glue instead of hair spray. She ended up in the hospital.

https://tinyurl.com/32mzm7oe

A Louisiana woman has sought medical treatment after mistakenly using Gorilla Glue spray adhesive in place of actual hair spray.

Twenty two hours in outpatients and she's no better off.  She is now investigating suing the makers of Gorilla Glue.

=====
 
    Apparently it wasn't a 'mistake'.  She used it quite deliberately when her usual hair fixative ran out.  Her possible legal claim is based on the fact the instructions with the glue, whilst warning users to keep it away from skin and eyes, don't specifically warn you not to use it on your hair.

    I happen to have some Gorilla Glue in my cupboard, and I've just read the warning message.

    Nowhere does it specifically tell me not to use it to glue a Ma Raeburns' pancake to my bum.  But I wouldn't expect much sympathy if I did.

     But maybe I could sue whoever penned this bit of nonsense we learned at school.  Where else could I have got the mad impulse?

Early one morning, in the dead of night
three dead men got up to fight.
One had a fiddle,
one had drum,
and one had a pancake stuck to his bum."


     Gyppo
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 11, 2021, 03:34:15 PM
I don't know what "paying in book" means. I don't think we have that phrase here, but I'm guessing we have the practice and call it something else. I would offer sympathy for that if I knew what the hell I was talking about. Usually that doesn't bother me. So, you have my sympathy.

I saw that Gorilla Glue tweeted

Do not use as hair spray.

I didn't know why and now I do.
What an asshat.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on February 11, 2021, 05:18:50 PM
If someone (a Luddite) sends you a cheque, how do you get the money into your account?

In the UK we have books containing slips specifically for sending with the cheque to the bank. It tells the bank what to do with the cheque.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on February 12, 2021, 11:08:33 AM
If you had a cheque-book, you'd have a number of pay-in slips at the back of it. 

I like cheques.  I write them and I accept them.  You suit yourself, Mark; but it's not me who's wasting my time looking for a missing button on a web-page.

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 12, 2021, 02:57:51 PM
We have a deposit slip. And they come with the checks, not the cheques. And if we run out, we just use a generic one and write in the account number. But most of our monies are direct deposited.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on February 23, 2021, 07:59:21 AM
I'm so frustrated with the Chinese website called, Banggood, I could scream. Screaming would probably get me in a straight-jacket and I am way too mad for that. Why can't the forking morons get it through their heads that the links they keep sending me do not open? I have asked them to please copy and paste the return slips into the e-mail and send them to me that way.

Should I look for the Chinese translation of, "Learn how to copy and paste!" Or, "Sending me the same links that I keep telling you do not work, make you look like morons"?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on February 23, 2021, 01:39:04 PM
You bought something from Banggood? It sounds like a porn outlet.

I hope they get their stuff fixed.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on February 24, 2021, 09:41:39 AM
You're right. It does sound like a porn outlet.

 It's a hobby store where you can buy hobby airplanes and accessories for deep discounts.

As long as you know how to work the site and cancel orders, it will save you money. If not, you end up deleting an order or four and getting duplicate orders because 'DELETED'  does not equal, 'CANCELED' on the website. So that savings has now cost you twice as much. My head will explode if I keep talking about how ridiculous the customer service is.


All I can say is, NEVER AGAIN!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 13, 2021, 09:55:58 PM
This is more of a what the fork. But I guess why the fork also applies. I quote, without editorial, an email from Microsoft.

Quote
Changes coming to the default new Yammer setting

We are pleased to announce the next phase of the new Yammer experience. In September 2020 (MC222345), we released an opt-in toggle for new Yammer for all users.

With this upcoming change, admins that have chosen the Enable the new Yammer as opt-in setting will have the new Yammer experience set as the default for all Yammer users. If your tenant is already in new Yammer as default or Enable the new Yammer for all users with no opt-out option, nothing will change for you or your users.

In case you are wondering, I have no idea what Yammer is.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 14, 2021, 08:40:12 AM
Yup.  Another communication written by a Swede and translated into English by a Latvian. 
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 14, 2021, 09:04:04 AM
Apparently it's another 'social networking' app.  In view of the track record of things like Shitter and Fakebook. and Twats-Up I won't be signing up.

But it does seem a particularly bad choice of name.  Although will probably prove eerily prophetic.

Here's a dictionary definition of Yammer.

....yammer on (and on) about (someone or something) To talk ceaselessly or volubly about someone or something, especially in an annoying, complaining, or peevish manner.

All the dictionaries seems to agree on the essential worthlessness of this practice, despite wording it slightly differently.

No doubt someone out there is already working on a communication app they are longing to call Gibbering Half-Wit, because they think it's a wonderful name.   The floor around their lap-top is probably knee-deep it gratuitous "Wows!" and serried rank upon rank of exclamation marks.  !!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They'll probably tell us its supposed to be 'ironic', or 'post modern', or  intended to  'de-construct the tedious modern paradigm of meaningless nomenclature'.

Ah well, that's my yammer for today ;-)

Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on March 14, 2021, 12:03:34 PM
Don't we have a "Yammering" poet from days gone by?  First name John, if I am remembering correctly.  Now I have to dig him up to remember.


Why the fork can remember things from my childhood but cannot remember much from the last 25 years?


I heard an interview where someone said, "Every time you remember something, your memory alters the event subconsciously so that every time you remember it, it has changed." :o

Hahahaha! ;D

I find it hard to believe




                                                 someone on the crew wasn't laughing .  : ;D 8)
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 14, 2021, 12:55:00 PM
Deb,

John Yamrus
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 14, 2021, 01:04:31 PM
I think you will find that it was in fact john yamrus.

Talking of social media. One of my characters invented a new social media app. I have no idea where he got the idea. Here is Johnny explaining it to Guido.

"It is called Hi-Tourettes and runs in the background on your phone and will, when least expected, randomly select someone from your contacts list and send them a text saying: FUCKER!" Toobad said.

"Thanks, but I won't be downloading it," Guido said. "I don't see the point."

"The point, the point?" Toobad shook his head as if Guido were thicker than Two-hole Tim (had been.) "Well there's no point taking a photograph of your lunch and uploading it to TwatFace, but millions of people do it. It's called social media init. I predict Hi-Tourettes will be the most popular app Milieu-wide by this time next year; point or no point."

Guido said nothing. He'd thought TwatFace pointless when it first came on the scene, but he had, only last week, uploaded a picture of his lunch. He made a conscious decision to re-evaluate his priorities.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Gyppo on March 17, 2021, 08:55:37 AM
Why the fork do people who maintain programmes have to make fiddly little changes, some of which can be truly annoying.

Take Thunderbird email for example.  There are regular updates and 'improvements', many of which are totally irrelevant to the way I use it as a basic email tool.  I turn off the stuff I don't need ;-(

Usually i get an opt-in message about updates, but occasionally it seems to update without asking.  Usually when I'm running a whole bunch of other updates and it's probably my fault for saying yes without thinking first.

There used to be a folder called 'Deleted' which occasionally earned it's keep as a second chance if I got carried away with a batch of deletions., or made a late night 'nodding head' mistake.

There is also a Junk folder where filtered spam automatically ends up.  Quite a bit of it.  Easily wiped en masse after a cursory check in case a friend or old acquaintance has ended up in there because of a 'spammy' header.

In the latest update 'Deleted' has gone, replaced by 'Trash'.  I now have the similarly named 'Trash' and 'Junk'.   To my pedantic way of thinking these mean the same thing, although the folders fulfil different purposes.

Compared to my recent computer crash this is really minor, but why change it?  I am not averse to change, but I dislike change just for change's sake. ;-(
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 17, 2021, 10:25:26 AM
If the millions of computer programmers did not have those modifications to make, how would they earn the money they need to buy sandals?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 17, 2021, 03:22:42 PM
Why the fork do socks and underwear come in packs of six? There are seven forking days in a week. I don't need twelve items. I need seven. But six seems to be the normal number. So I always have one ratty pair of socks to wear.

Chrome recently put a Reading thing on my browser and it took up so much real estate, it knocked off two of my frequently used links from the bookmark bar. It moved all my bookmarks to an inconvenient place. It annoyed the living hell out of me and so the very first thing I did was search Google to find out how to get rid of it, since right clicking did not give me a delete option. It is gone and that's a relief. MY links are once again showing.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 17, 2021, 09:19:17 PM
Do tell.  I'd like to get rid of mine too.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 18, 2021, 12:23:01 PM
Jo, I just followed the instructions. It led me to a page where I could disable the new feature. And I did. But I don't know how I got there.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 18, 2021, 02:17:30 PM
That's pretty much my relationship with the computer too, Chick!  Never mind, I might stumble on it some  time.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 20, 2021, 08:40:41 AM
Why the fork don't banks just shut the fork up until things improve. I've just been spammed by one of the uk's biggest forking bankers.

Benefits
1)0.01% AER/Gross (variable) interest rate.
2) some other pointless things.

So if I had a quarter of a million quid to save, these forkers would pay me £25 a year. The government would steal half in tax leaving me with £12.50. That's a benefit, is it?

Would it not be better to buy £250,000 worth of wine and drink myself senseless?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Jo Bannister on March 20, 2021, 08:54:42 AM
You're sitting on a million pounds and you want to be senseless?  What a waste of a million pounds.

I agree about the banks.  I don't have a bank deposit account any more: I keep a good float in my current account and invest the rest.  Even if it's more of a risk - and historically, you gain on investments if you leave them long enough - I'd sooner think the money was moving round, supporting businesses and employment, rather than enriching bankers.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on March 26, 2021, 10:02:44 AM
I loathe the Capitalist's Pigs and the elite that run the world which includes banks.

My son, Dillon, is going to college and working part-time at a bank. No benefits but a one week, days off paid, vacation. For Employee Appreciation Day the bank let the employees of their branch choose from one of three promotional items, a thermos/mug, a beach blanket, or a cheap windbreaker. Dillon went for the beach-blanket. He makes $15.00 an hour



The CEO/President made $1,033,497 in 2019. (https://www.salary.com/tools/executive-compensation-calculator/kevin-j-mcphaill-salary-bonus-stock-options-for-sierra-ba)<-if you care to look. My son has been there for over a year and makes $15.oo hourly. A front-line worker with no priority to vaccines. 

For him to transfer to a university next year will cost at least $20,000 per year, not including housing to get his BA. He was accepted into all of the colleges where he applied, including, Cal State Northridge, CSU, and Cal Poly. He ditched Oceanography for Business because he doesn't want to be broke, like the rest of us who are not born into wealth.

Either he, or we will have to go into debt to get him to a BA.
America, what the actual FORK?!!
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 26, 2021, 10:03:28 AM
I bet you can't wait to hear what the cretinous muppets in my bank's marketing department have dreamt up now!

They eventually realised that 0.01% was not going to tempt people so:

Get a better interest rate for not making withdrawals
Quote
0.01% AER/Gross (variable). This is the rate during the statement month when a withdrawal is made.

0.05% AER/Gross (variable). This is the rate during the statement month when NO withdrawal is made.

So I guess a massive company with a few million quid on reserve could earn enough in a month to buy the chairman a packet of mints, but there's a catch ...

Quote
You can apply if you are a UK based company with no more than two directors, owners (shareholders) or partners are aged 18+. Terms and Conditions apply.

So only teeny-weeny little companies with no money get the deal. So all those high rolling CEOs can forget the mints. Not possible.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 26, 2021, 10:12:46 AM
I loathe the Capitalist's Pigs and the elite that run the country which includes banks ...

Heh! I'm a capitalist pig!! I'm not elite and don't run your country so will you let me off the capitalist bit?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: DGSquared on March 26, 2021, 10:19:28 AM


Heh! I'm a capitalist pig!! I'm not elite and don't run your country so will you let me off the capitalist bit?


Your definition and my definition may be two different things. I'm leaning more toward the corporate part of the unbalanced scale. Besides, if you are one of the well-off Capitalists (elite), good for you! Now, share the wealth.


What, pray tell, are you capitalizing on?
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Mark Hoffmann on March 26, 2021, 12:24:38 PM
I'm a capitalist philosophically having lived through a socialist alternative. Socialism may be fair (though I have my doubts) but everything is reduced to its lowest common denominator. The problem is that most (not all) people are not natural grafters. And I don't just mean the people at the coal-face I mean everyone from the bottom to the top. Capitalism seems to provide the motivation needed to get stuff done.
Title: Re: Why the fork?
Post by: Spell Chick on March 26, 2021, 01:40:31 PM
Deb, your son can take his first two years at a community college and not pay nearly as much. No one asks where you did all four years. They ask where you graduate from, if they even care about that. Those transcripts? Only MAYBE for the first job, after that, who the hell cares?

There is no reason to go to a four year college for four years. Except so they can pay the football and basketball coaches. The educational staff doesn't make nearly as much money as they do.

Your bank CEO is making peanuts
https://www.si.com/college/alabama/bamacentral/nick-saban-is-college-footballs-highest-paid-coach#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20USA%20Today,million%20in%20compensation%20in%202019.

A stupid football coach makde $9.3 million which is nine bank CEOS.