Author Topic: Remember the Dead  (Read 7680 times)

indar9

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Remember the Dead
« on: January 26, 2019, 04:33:10 AM »
Remember the Dead

Only the worst of them remain among us,
they can't give up.

They listen in on our conversations
about life and death and guffaw at our earnestness;

slither between the sheets
to dry-hump our most intimate moments;

they are the ones who diddled
their grandchildren in their laps;

sniggered in the back
at solemn memorial services for fallen heroes.

Their numbers increase in every era,
there are more of them than us.


« Last Edit: January 26, 2019, 03:09:03 PM by indar9 »

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Remembering the Dead
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2019, 11:24:13 AM »
Hi indar

A very interesting read. The writing's good and there's some original imagery. The reader can make what the want of the premise, which is good as it is not spelt out as if we are idiots.

I don't have any suggestions other than maybe drop the "ing" from the title. Trivial I know :)

Mark
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indar9

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Re: Remembering the Dead
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2019, 02:53:46 PM »
Thanks Mark,

Yes, no moons in June in this one. I appreciate the read and positive feedback. I'm usually a member of the "ing" patrol. I'll take care of that.