Author Topic: The Apple Orchard  (Read 952 times)

indar9

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The Apple Orchard
« on: January 04, 2018, 06:26:55 AM »
Here's two poems, the second a pantuom and riff off the first


The Apple Orchard

She remembered there was an apple orchard
where those apartment buildings stand
now sporting rows of dumpsters wedged between
power poles along the asphalt parking lot.

She pointed out lilacs in our yards,
showed where the mother lilac stood
the neighborhood gathered there for picnics
traded recipes and hollyhock seeds
chrysanthemum cuttings and dahlia roots.

There were summers of flowers
and autumn apples.

She told and retold stories
to new neighbors moving in:
thirteen year old Sonny driven out
by his father
the neighbors took care of him in the orchard
any way they could,
brought him food and blankets.

The young girl caught with that Benson boy
beneath low hanging boughs of blossoms
was sent to live with relatives
no one spoke her name again.

The old lady took to standing
in the apartment building parking lot
gazing up at long-gone branches
until health care attendants came to take her home.

One day her house went up for sale.

I tell new neighbors moving in:
once there was an apple orchard
where those apartment buildings stand--


The Apple Orchard

There an apple orchard once stood
where the neighbors gathered to trade
stories, recipes, weather, news
and the children played in the apple trees.

The neighbors gathered to trade
hollyhock seeds and dahlia roots,
the children played in the apple trees,
there were summers of flowers and autumn apples.

Hollyhock seeds and dahlia roots
were not all that grew in the neighborhood:
summer flowers and autumn apples
and secret trysts under low-hanging branches.

Not all that grew in the neighborhood
was as innocent as flowers and apples,
there were secret trysts under low-hanging branches,
sighs and promises, lies and betrayals.

That innocent place of flowers and apples
was where loitering neighbors went to trade
sighs and promises, lies and betrayals
and the children were high in the apple trees.

Loitering neighbors go to trade
ill-conceived deeds, ill gotten goods and the root of all evil
the children are high in the apple trees
there where the apple orchard once stood.

Dansinger

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Re: The Apple Orchard
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2018, 10:59:58 AM »
Nice! Not sure which one I like better. Will have to come back and read again. :)
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: The Apple Orchard
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2018, 06:57:48 PM »
I'm not keen on the pantoum; it feels list-like.

I really like the first version though. Good concrete imagery and there are some lovely rhythms going on. I think it would work well if the whole piece was in iambic tetrameter. I realise that would be a challenge, but perhaps a better way to spend your time than on the pantoum.  :)

M
If you like Bob the Alien he gets a good run out in my NaPoWriMo 2018. Download pdf here: http://www.scribblers-ring.co.uk/downloads/napowrimo_mhh_201804.pdf

indar9

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Re: The Apple Orchard
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2018, 02:37:58 AM »
poor pantuoms nobody loves them. I will work the first over. That version is closest to my heart as it was about the neighborhood I raised my daughters in and the subject of the poem lived next door---a very interesting woman and fab gardener.

Thanks for the read and comments both of you.