Author Topic: Superior Beings  (Read 259 times)

indar9

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Superior Beings
« on: March 09, 2018, 03:30:18 PM »
Superior Beings

People from places like Nebraska
save their money all year
to pay for gas and a motel room;
someone to sit the cat; collect their mail
so they can escape winter
for two precious weeks. We know
who they are--the ones
that stumble up and down the beach;
stunned faces turned to the sun.
Sometimes they are so pathetic
we poke one another and laugh;
go to the Tin Fish by the pier;
eat mahi mahi tacos and remind ourselves
we live here.

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Superior Beings
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2018, 04:22:03 PM »
I'm not sure I get this. Are you trying to get the reader to dislike the narrator? I assume so.

There's something about it that doesn't ring true. I expect locals resent tourists, but it feels unlikely that they'd find tourists funny. Annoying yes, funny, not so much. I guess they could be laughing in a nasty way as opposed to finding them actually funny.

I went to Carmel once many years ago. That is definitely populated by superior beings. I can't imagine for a minute they'd laugh though. The locals had only one expression and that was smug.

Or is the whole thing a metaphor for something else?

M

Like Bob the Alien? He gets a good run out in my NaPoWriMo 2018. Download pdf here: http://www.scribblers-ring.co.uk/downloads/napowrimo_mhh_201804.pdf

indar9

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Re: Superior Beings
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2018, 04:57:43 PM »
Thanks so much for the read and comments Mark,

I may be putting too much on the reader. The N makes assumptions about the tourists that tell more about the N. Stuck in the idea that one drives to the vacation destination, that one stays in a motel room (as opposed to a resort or upscale hotel) I thought it was apparent the N is of limited means. So the N finds some sense of superiority by making an imagined comparison. And yes, it is a metaphor. I actually took the idea of laughter from an experience I had. I love the Grand Canyon. I visit there in my travels whenever possible. The canyon is populated by self-identified "canyon rats". There is a hiking trail called the "Bright Angel Trail" It is daunting. I fell into a conversation with a rat at the top of the trail just as an exhausted hiker dragged himself up the last few yards. The rat told me he and fellow rats watch the procession coming up the trail and laugh at them. They also decide which ones would be better off shot to put them out of their misery. He spoke with an air of superiority I haven't forgotten.

But I use that example to comment on the scramble at the bottom to claim a place in which the "other" is somehow inferior.


Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Superior Beings
« Reply #4 on: March 10, 2018, 11:43:39 AM »
The tribal nature of the human race is one of our most unpleasant attributes.

I like your rats story more than the story in the poem. I know I said the same to Biola about hers, so perhaps it is just me getting old and repetitive.  :-\

Mark
Like Bob the Alien? He gets a good run out in my NaPoWriMo 2018. Download pdf here: http://www.scribblers-ring.co.uk/downloads/napowrimo_mhh_201804.pdf

biolaephesus

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Re: Superior Beings
« Reply #5 on: March 11, 2018, 06:07:04 PM »
Indar,
I have watched white tourists on our beaches here so I get the feeling was not very complimentary about them either!
Mark, you are not old just nice
biola