Workroom > Review My Writing - Getting Started

First Lines. Would a publisher or anyone want to read on?

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Mrs N:
Okay, back at the farm(old site) used to love these snippets, so thought to resurrect here! ;)

Here's a little something to kick things off.


On October 31, for no other reason than it falls on a Monday, I leave my wife. Monday’s make a tidy start. Later the irony of the date, Halloween, with a blackness of ceremonies, witches and curses, will not be lost on me. I should have picked a better day.

Dawn:

--- Quote from: Mrs N on March 04, 2018, 04:26:05 PM ---Okay, back at the farm(old site) used to love these snippets, so thought to resurrect here! ;)

Here's a little something to kick things off.


On October 31, for no other reason than it falls on a Monday, I leave my wife. Monday’s make a tidy start. Later the irony of the date, Halloween, with a blackness of ceremonies, witches and curses, will not be lost on me. I should have picked a better day.

--- End quote ---

I loved first liners too. Glad it's been resurrected.

I like the tone of this, Mrs N. Almost reminds me of Gone Girl. I think personally I don't need the part about blackness of ceremonies, witches and curses. I think the reader knows enough about Halloween and this could be cut.

Only my opinion though

Mark Hoffmann:

--- Quote from: Mrs N on March 04, 2018, 04:26:05 PM ---...
On October 31, for no other reason than it falls on a Monday, I leave my wife. Monday’s make a tidy start. Later the irony of the date, Halloween, with a blackness of ceremonies, witches and curses, will not be lost on me. I should have picked a better day.

--- End quote ---

Yes, I'd read on. As someone who was once married to a witch, I'm keen to see how the main character gets on.

BTW although I'm a fan of present tense I think that opening highlights some of the challenges!

Mrs N:
BTW although I'm a fan of present tense I think that opening highlights some of the challenges!
 
^^^
Have I screwed up?

Thanks for the read. What happened to the witchey wife? :P

Mrs N:
Thanks Dawn, Not so sure about losing the ceremonies. So glad you said Gone Girl, I have the same agent in mind... :P

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