Author Topic: Poetry Challenge - Fifteen-minutes of your Time ** REDUX - CLOSES 30 SEP 2019  (Read 44874 times)

Mark Hoffmann

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Deb

That's an inappropriate thing to say to an Englishman. I suppose if the woman was a raving pervert and the man was wearing some of those slippers with the furry bobbles on the toes, it is at least conceivable, but nonetheless, very poor form - and it could ruin the slippers.

Also, the idea that lots of people would do it at the same time conjures up images of porn moves that feature Morris Dancing and while that kind of thing may be the norm in California it will not be tolerated in Staffordshire. Plus, it's too cold here.

Mark
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

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Firefly

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 ;D ;D ;D

And she still has no idea what you just said
Don't take life too seriously, none of us get out of it alive

Mark Hoffmann

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She's mentioned coming to the UK and I just hope and pray she does not ask an Englishman if her fanny is too big.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Firefly

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 ;D ;D ;D

I hope she does >:D
Don't take life too seriously, none of us get out of it alive

DGSquared

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Oh, ma, gawd!

That was spoken like a true Californian blonde. 

We have a hand gesture here... for friends like you ;D ;)


I' m 'Merican. We've given up the Queen's English since the orange turd took over.  ??? As a matter of fact, we've thrown everything previously deemed improper and polite out the window or over the border.  Besides, I may have had too many glasses of wine before I wrote that.



That's my story and I'm standing by it.

Huh.. bet you thought I was going to use the phrase, "Sticking to it."

Not with you two around.  ;D
;D ;D ;D

I hope she does >:D
I wouldn't dare. An Englishman and an Aussie would certainly tell me the truth.  I don't mind being lied to where my big ass is concerned.  :D
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 09:40:49 AM by DGSquared »
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

DGSquared

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My apologies to any English gentlemen whom I may have alarmed.  ;D That apology stands for all gentlemen, wherever their geographical location and whatever their language of choice.  ;D
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 10:08:07 AM by DGSquared »
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

Mark Hoffmann

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... I don't mind being lied to where my big ass is concerned.  :D

In England, fanny does not mean ass/arse/bottom/rear. It means a lady's front-bottom  :o Except of course in the phrase sweet Fanny Adams.

I remember the first time I heard an American talking about a fanny pack. Very confusing to an Englishman as it sounds like a pack of front bottoms out hunting a terrified knob across the countryside.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

DGSquared

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 :-[  :o  I had no idea. I am thoroughly embarrassed.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Well if that isn't blondesplosion, nothing is.

I'd remove the post but that would make you and Fly look sort of mean and no one would know what you're going on about.

However, I have no problem deleting it so I don't shock anyone else or seem inappropriate.

It can stand for learning purposes and comedic value too. Whatever the wishes of fellow BWF members. Could be a good or a bad way to get participants.


Using words like, 'embarrassed' and 'participants' seems risque in this post.


I'll refrain from that remark again. 
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

Mark Hoffmann

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It's not that bad  :-* :-* Just try not to use the word in front of the queen.


Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Dansinger

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To be honest, Deb, I thought it was rather amusing.  ;D
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Gyppo

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This reminds me of the new neighbour who moved in when I lived in the house.  I was in the front garden and she peered through the hedge and asked me if I'd seen her pussy.

"Probably not."  Trying not to smile and wondering who the hell she was.

"I've just moved in over there," pointing over her shoulder.  "If you see it will you grab it for me?"

I assume she thought the strangled grin was just a friendly smile.

"How will I recognise it?"  If I hadn't spoken I would have burst out laughing at this point, she was so serious about it.

"It's quite distinctive.  It's a kind of rosy pink."

I assured her I'd keep my eyes open and went back indoors before the incipient belly laugh escaped.

Mum looked at me, gasping in the doorway and asked who I'd been talking to.  I told her and we were both absolutely corpsed for a while.

We did see her cat a few days later.  It was a strange pale ginger and in some lights it did look rather pink.

Over the next few months we noticed a few other strange vagaries n her speech and realised she wasn't a native speaker.

They were a strange family.  Having turned up unnoticed they vanished the same way after less than a year, never to be seen again.  Except for one brief meeting a couple of years later in a carpark at a DIY store where she rushed up and enthused volubly and briefly over how much she had enjoyed living across the alley from us.

When she had raced off in her car my daughter asked "Who was that?"

"The lady who asked me to grab her pink pussy if I happened to see it." 

Daughter doubled over.  The pink pussy is part of the family legend.

Gyppo

Dansinger

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That clown in his white house would have envied you.
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Firefly

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 ;D ;D

I am with Mark, the first time I heard the American fanny I was a bit perplexed about the casual way you lot threw the word about. Took a while and different conversations to realise exactly what you lot meant.

Don't stress Deb, you said worse >:D

Thoroughly amused us all  :-*
Don't take life too seriously, none of us get out of it alive

Mark Hoffmann

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These might work.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Granda

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This reminds me of the new neighbour who moved in when I lived in the house.  I was in the front garden and she peered through the hedge and asked me if I'd seen her pussy.

"Probably not."  Trying not to smile and wondering who the hell she was.

"I've just moved in over there," pointing over her shoulder.  "If you see it will you grab it for me?"

I assume she thought the strangled grin was just a friendly smile.

"How will I recognise it?"  If I hadn't spoken I would have burst out laughing at this point, she was so serious about it.

"It's quite distinctive.  It's a kind of rosy pink."

I assured her I'd keep my eyes open and went back indoors before the incipient belly laugh escaped.

Mum looked at me, gasping in the doorway and asked who I'd been talking to.  I told her and we were both absolutely corpsed for a while.

We did see her cat a few days later.  It was a strange pale ginger and in some lights it did look rather pink.

Over the next few months we noticed a few other strange vagaries n her speech and realised she wasn't a native speaker.

They were a strange family.  Having turned up unnoticed they vanished the same way after less than a year, never to be seen again.  Except for one brief meeting a couple of years later in a carpark at a DIY store where she rushed up and enthused volubly and briefly over how much she had enjoyed living across the alley from us.

When she had raced off in her car my daughter asked "Who was that?"

"The lady who asked me to grab her pink pussy if I happened to see it." 

Daughter doubled over.  The pink pussy is part of the family legend.

Gyppo
I remember you being hounded by a Council Wally about either your overgrown jungle back garden or was it your garage, or summat like that? But also did you cut back some foliage, and a mini appeared?
My heart (and the rest of me) belongs to the Northeast of England.