Author Topic: Why the fork?  (Read 50734 times)

DGSquared

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #390 on: January 08, 2021, 12:41:37 PM »
My friend, Lori, had to buy a new iPhone on our road trip because hers just died.  It was nothing like the one she had before. The screens were completely different, accessed, and scrolled strangely, and not one bit intuitive. I was sure she was going to toss it out the window a few times. It really made me appreciate my Android.

I'm not always a fan of updates and newer versions. Sometimes they screw things up and not all improvements are good ones.

Microsoft has cut me off from my 365 plan and will not let me autosave Word documents because my subscription is up in MARCH!!! Wankers. I'm bombarded with reminders every time I use WORD.

Epson is bad about that too. They must have new updates every week. I think they're just slowly sucking the ink empty because I don't know where it disappears to. As soon as an ink tank is replaced, Epson wants to sell you another one and they've got the non-stop pop-ups to prove it. All of this non-stop product pushing is becoming a peeve for me. I see flashes of printer rage getting triggered in the near or smear future.  >:( ??? ;)
« Last Edit: January 08, 2021, 12:44:09 PM by DGSquared »
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Spell Chick

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #391 on: January 08, 2021, 03:34:44 PM »
Open Office, a free suite of programs available for download online for decades now, can open Microsoft documents (unless Microsoft did something of late to stop that) and works beautifully for free.

Epsom and Lexmark go through ink like it water. That's why I prefer HP printers. They may cost a little more to buy, but they don't blast through the ink. And mine don't update constantly. I have one laser and one ink jet.

The only think wrong with the laser one was that it took me for damn ever to get the power saver to stop saving power. It would go into a deep sleep and I would have to restart the whole printer if I didn't print something at least daily. And I usually don't. So it saved lots of power but it never worked when I wanted it to print, which is the feature I actually purchased it for.
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Gyppo

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #392 on: January 08, 2021, 03:53:11 PM »

The only think wrong with the laser one was that it took me for damn ever to get the power saver to stop saving power. It would go into a deep sleep and I would have to restart the whole printer if I didn't print something at least daily.

I wonder that was what was happening to my little laser printer.  A while back I updated the driver because it suggested I should, and after that it no longer whirred into life instantly when I pressed start.  After a bit of cussing I uninstalled it completely and then reinstalled.  It told me I was using an 'old' driver and offered to change it for the latest one.  I declined and its been working as I want ever since.  At one point during the changeover it asked if I wanted to turn off notifications, so I said 'Yes'.

Gyppo

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #393 on: January 08, 2021, 03:56:07 PM »
I had to push this button with that button, then the other button, that offer a drink to Satan from within a pentagram, spin around in a counterclockwise motion and then touch another button, but only gently. Or something like that. It finally stopped going into deep sleep and prints whenever I sent a print job that way.
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Gyppo

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #394 on: January 08, 2021, 04:48:27 PM »
Some software, and the hardware it runs, is like a naughty child who has got the wrong idea about things.  So you have to send it to its room until it's forgotten the tangled thoughts.  It will rarely apologise, but you can live with this if the end result is satisfactory.

If polite entreaties and cajoling words don't work try swearing a bit.   It probably won't help, but sometimes it does the trick.  If all this fails then uninstall the damned programme, unplug the device, and leave it alone for a while.

The gremlins inside will call you a bad sport and bugger off to annoy someone else.   
This is not your problem, so don't feel guilty about it.  The time needed to have a drink and a snack is generally long enough, because they're usually attention deficient little horrors.

Then restart the computer, let it settle down.  Then plug in the troublesome device.  Let Windows 'Plug and Pray' identify what it gullibly believes to be a completely new peripheral and choose a driver for you.  If it says it can't find one, but suggests a basic generic driver which will work, then say 'Yes'.

This usually works well.  Very well.  But...  If you're a persistent fiddler with the newest and latest shiny objects it leaves the option for you to bugger around later and mess it all up again if you insist.  In the meantime your computer and devices will be happy enough to just do as you ask.

Gyppo

PS:  It doesn't matter if you don't believe in computer gremlins.  They have complete and unshakeable faith in you.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2021, 03:47:11 PM by Gyppo »

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #395 on: February 10, 2021, 09:56:42 AM »
Two forks today. Not enough to make a forking set of cutlery, but a start I suppose.

1. Why the fork are companies still using forking cheques? [In fact why the fork are we still using currency, but that's a bigger question.] It is so simple and easy to transfer money yet these total spanners still insist on printing out cheques and creating work for recipients. They should have the word luddite branded on their foreheads.

2. Why oh why oh why does my bank make it so hard for me to order a new paying in book? There used to be a customer services web page that you could get to from the main menu. On that page was an option 'order paying in book' that you could tick. But then the useless forkers in their IT department decide to improve it. They removed the customer service page.

Of course they did, that's an obvious improvement. Nope! You now have to use the message facility. Not that bad I hear you say. But wait, you must pick a subject for your message and none of the subjects in the list are appropriate. (Suprised not.)

If you are sipping coffee at this moment, swallow before you read on ... To order a new paying in book you must create a message with the subject Order New Cheque Book. Then in the message body you have to tell them you don't need a new cheque book you need a new paying in book.

No! I'm not forking making that up!! This is one of the UK's largest banks and that is how they instruct you to order a paying in book.

It's forking lucky someone invented velcro because these banking forkers would have no chance with shoelaces.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2021, 09:58:15 AM by Mark Hoffmann »
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Gyppo

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #396 on: February 10, 2021, 03:12:29 PM »
This woman used Gorilla Glue instead of hair spray. She ended up in the hospital.

https://tinyurl.com/32mzm7oe

A Louisiana woman has sought medical treatment after mistakenly using Gorilla Glue spray adhesive in place of actual hair spray.

Twenty two hours in outpatients and she's no better off.  She is now investigating suing the makers of Gorilla Glue.

=====
 
    Apparently it wasn't a 'mistake'.  She used it quite deliberately when her usual hair fixative ran out.  Her possible legal claim is based on the fact the instructions with the glue, whilst warning users to keep it away from skin and eyes, don't specifically warn you not to use it on your hair.

    I happen to have some Gorilla Glue in my cupboard, and I've just read the warning message.

    Nowhere does it specifically tell me not to use it to glue a Ma Raeburns' pancake to my bum.  But I wouldn't expect much sympathy if I did.

     But maybe I could sue whoever penned this bit of nonsense we learned at school.  Where else could I have got the mad impulse?

Early one morning, in the dead of night
three dead men got up to fight.
One had a fiddle,
one had drum,
and one had a pancake stuck to his bum."


     Gyppo
« Last Edit: February 10, 2021, 03:17:28 PM by Gyppo »

Spell Chick

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #397 on: February 11, 2021, 03:34:15 PM »
I don't know what "paying in book" means. I don't think we have that phrase here, but I'm guessing we have the practice and call it something else. I would offer sympathy for that if I knew what the hell I was talking about. Usually that doesn't bother me. So, you have my sympathy.

I saw that Gorilla Glue tweeted

Do not use as hair spray.

I didn't know why and now I do.
What an asshat.
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #398 on: February 11, 2021, 05:18:50 PM »
If someone (a Luddite) sends you a cheque, how do you get the money into your account?

In the UK we have books containing slips specifically for sending with the cheque to the bank. It tells the bank what to do with the cheque.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

Jo Bannister

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #399 on: February 12, 2021, 11:08:33 AM »
If you had a cheque-book, you'd have a number of pay-in slips at the back of it. 

I like cheques.  I write them and I accept them.  You suit yourself, Mark; but it's not me who's wasting my time looking for a missing button on a web-page.


Spell Chick

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #400 on: February 12, 2021, 02:57:51 PM »
We have a deposit slip. And they come with the checks, not the cheques. And if we run out, we just use a generic one and write in the account number. But most of our monies are direct deposited.
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DGSquared

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #401 on: February 23, 2021, 07:59:21 AM »
I'm so frustrated with the Chinese website called, Banggood, I could scream. Screaming would probably get me in a straight-jacket and I am way too mad for that. Why can't the forking morons get it through their heads that the links they keep sending me do not open? I have asked them to please copy and paste the return slips into the e-mail and send them to me that way.

Should I look for the Chinese translation of, "Learn how to copy and paste!" Or, "Sending me the same links that I keep telling you do not work, make you look like morons"?
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #402 on: February 23, 2021, 01:39:04 PM »
You bought something from Banggood? It sounds like a porn outlet.

I hope they get their stuff fixed.
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DGSquared

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #403 on: February 24, 2021, 09:41:39 AM »
You're right. It does sound like a porn outlet.

 It's a hobby store where you can buy hobby airplanes and accessories for deep discounts.

As long as you know how to work the site and cancel orders, it will save you money. If not, you end up deleting an order or four and getting duplicate orders because 'DELETED'  does not equal, 'CANCELED' on the website. So that savings has now cost you twice as much. My head will explode if I keep talking about how ridiculous the customer service is.


All I can say is, NEVER AGAIN!
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Why the fork?
« Reply #404 on: March 13, 2021, 09:55:58 PM »
This is more of a what the fork. But I guess why the fork also applies. I quote, without editorial, an email from Microsoft.

Quote
Changes coming to the default new Yammer setting

We are pleased to announce the next phase of the new Yammer experience. In September 2020 (MC222345), we released an opt-in toggle for new Yammer for all users.

With this upcoming change, admins that have chosen the Enable the new Yammer as opt-in setting will have the new Yammer experience set as the default for all Yammer users. If your tenant is already in new Yammer as default or Enable the new Yammer for all users with no opt-out option, nothing will change for you or your users.

In case you are wondering, I have no idea what Yammer is.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590