Author Topic: Ol' Joe's Ferrills. A poachin' tale from way, way, back.  (Read 1650 times)


  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 15914
  • Kudos: 40
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
    • View Profile
Ol' Joe's Ferrills. A poachin' tale from way, way, back.
« on: January 27, 2018, 12:43:00 AM »
Sorry, but there's something weird about the spacing on this.  It seems to have some of the attributes of proportional spacing which may be a hangover from when it was typed on a very old CPM machine.  Some residual coding that just won't die ;-)


        Ol' Joe's Ferrills

         Ol' Joe was a well  known  New Forest ferreting man  in his time, skilled in both  use and breeding.  But he was also never  satisfied  with  results,  and, were he  still  alive  today,  I'm   sure  he'd  be  genetically  modifying ferrets to get  the elusive 'perfect hunter'.

     This is the story - told  to  me  many years ago over a  few pints in  a  pub  near  Downton  -  about  an early  attempt to bend the rules of nature...

         "I went to visit this  relative in Scotland and saw  a Pine Marten running along  a  branch  , and it got me thinkin', Boy.  I figured that  a  cross between one o' me best ferrets and  a  squirrel  would  be perfect for  'arvestin' a few pheasants on the quiet like.

         "Well, didn't work too good to start with.  I live-trapped a few squirrels but  that  ol' ferret just kept  killing the buggers.  I nearly give up on it all.

         "I went to The Lamb for a  pint or two and 'ad more than a dozen 'fore they  threw  me out.  Woke up again just in time for an 'air  o'  the dog at lunchtime and found the pub full o'  chaps  laughing at me.  Seemed I was so pissed they found me trying to 'ave it away with a tree.  Silly  ol'  bugger.   A  man  will do terrible things when 'e's got a bad thirst on..."

         At this point Joe  looked  at  his empty glass like one of his ferrets checking out  a plump rabbit.  I got them in again, eager to hear the rest of the tale.

         "Thanks, Boy.   That  little  episode  give  me the perfect idea.  I got my  old  'liner' drunk, along with 'alf a dozen female squirrels and left 'em to it.  Then 'ooked the randy bugger out  'fore 'e sobered up enough to start killin'.

         "I soon 'ad  'alf  a  dozen  strange lookin' little creatures that  looked  mostly  like  ferrets,  but 'ad bushy squirrel type tails.  Funny little things.

         "Called 'em Ferrills.

         "No damned good though.  Lovely to 'andle, but soon as I put 'em near a tree  they just acted like proper squirrels and wouldn't touch they pheasants at all.

         One of 'em looked almost  pure  ferret though - the  squirrel bit didn't 'ardly show  at all.  Proper little killer too, got amongst  me  breedin' rabbits and wiped 'em all out.  Randy as 'ell too, so I put 'im with some o' they young Jills  to  see  what  'appened.  It was a bloody disaster, a complete bloody shambles..."

         Obviously another pint was needed  to get the punch line, so I dug deep, again.

         "The youngsters looked fine, not a trace o' Ferrill in their appearance,  but  they  wouldn't  bloody work.

     "They just wouldn't go underground..."

         Joe  paused  for   effect,   a  master  storyteller determined to give full value for the several pints I'd paid for.

         "...after more than  forty  years  o'  breeding top  class ferrets that one randy  little ferrill 'ad ruined  me reputation..."

         Joe finished his pint  in  one  long gullet-bobbing swallow and stood to leave.

         "...I'm  probably  the  first  man  in  the  entire 'istory  o'   the   New  Forest  to  breed  totally claustrophobic ferrets!"


« Last Edit: January 27, 2018, 12:45:10 AM by Gyppo »