Author Topic: blurb  (Read 63 times)

Dansinger

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5266
  • Kudos: 9
  • Home is where the cat is
    • View Profile
    • Daan Katz
blurb
« on: October 13, 2021, 08:39:04 PM »
Nearly done with the final edits of my MS, so I wrote a blurb. I'm not really looking for a critique, but I'd still appreciate your feedback. Esp. if you think I really messed up. The genre is fantasy.

A PRIEST, A KING, AND AN ANCIENT CURSE.
On the run from a homicidal king and his army of assassins, the aenigmatic priest Niels Bosch holes up in the Barlows, an insignificant township in pastoral Briscona. Cantor Beldenka, a resourceful woman in a wheelchair, helps him settle in, but her forward questions set him on edge.
Once his secret is out, Bel comes up with a plan to confront the mad king and deal with the attempts on Niels’ life. They set out on a life-altering quest where Niels learns that Bel has a dark secret of her own.
When they arrive in Ebaru and meet the king, Niels finds out that nothing is what it seemed, and the truth is more chilling than anything he ever imagined. Will he be able to dispel the night and reverse the curse?
Daan Katz, Author - Where the Magic Happens
The Elven Curse - Kings, priests, elves, and a woman in a wheelchair

Joe Mynhardt

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
  • Kudos: 0
  • Founder & CEO of Crystal Lake Publishing
    • View Profile
    • Crystal Lake Publishing
Re: blurb
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2021, 07:51:24 AM »
I still struggle with these, so take this with a pinch of salt...

It reads too much like a quick summary of the book, which is not what a blurb/description should be.

Can't remember where I got this, but I look at it every time I work on a book:
The description should stir emotions to help readers sense the entertainment, enjoyment, or insightful change of perspective that the book produces. The description may raise a puzzling question about the main character – one that begs for an answer only to be found inside the book.
What not to do: Too many story elements; it reads more like a review; there are no stakes; the description too generic (like good vs. evil, from the shadows, thrown into an adventure).
The readers want to know who they’re spending time with and what’s at stake.

I'd also recommend looking at the descriptions of books you'll be competing against. Look at the best-sellers in your target categories.

Hope that helps.
Crystal Lake Publishing - Tales from the Darkest Depths.

ST

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 79
  • Kudos: 4
    • View Profile
Re: blurb
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2021, 04:55:24 PM »
I always thought a blurp was more like a lil segment of your story, like they do for previews of movies.   I agree with Joe about it feeling more like a summary. I just need scene, something that makes me want to look for more.

One thing though I feel strongly about is the title of your blurp.  Not the words but more the article usage, how they sound when read.

A Priest, A King  (great so far)  but then    And an Ancient  -  the 'an' sound used 3x in a row, just made me feel 'and' wasn't worth it. I mean the 'comma' gives enough separation.

Good luck on your submission and congratulations on its completion.

Dansinger

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5266
  • Kudos: 9
  • Home is where the cat is
    • View Profile
    • Daan Katz
Re: blurb
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2021, 09:03:53 PM »
Thanks, guys.  :)
Daan Katz, Author - Where the Magic Happens
The Elven Curse - Kings, priests, elves, and a woman in a wheelchair

Gyppo

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13641
  • Kudos: 37
  • I've been writing ever since I realised I could.
    • View Profile
Re: blurb
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2021, 09:25:49 PM »
Dan, I agree with the others.  The blurb is a 'taster' to hook a would-be reader, not a synopsis of the whole story like you have to send to a publisher.

I have mixed feelings about your use of aenigmatic as opposed to the more common word enigmatic.  But if it's a collective noun for an entire class of priests then ignore this comment.

In effect you need to tell the readers its a Quest, fraught with perils, and in a world of magic, secrets, and betrayal nothing is quite as it seems.

The names work well.  They're different enough to catch the bookshop browsers attention, but not so bizarre as, for example, iixatelia or similar, who most readers would be calling Ix, or Ixy by the end of the first chapter.

Gyppo

Dansinger

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5266
  • Kudos: 9
  • Home is where the cat is
    • View Profile
    • Daan Katz
Re: blurb
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2021, 10:31:56 PM »
Thanks, Gyp.

I've reworked the entire blurb. For the umpteenth time - but practice should at least make better;D

Side note: the title of the book is "Night's Reign"



A secretive priest. A woman in a wheelchair. An ancient curse.

On the run from a cursed king and his army of assassins, priest Niels Bosch holes up in the Barlows, in hopes of finding at least some temporary relief. Instead, his new cantor, Beldenka Nadinov, barrages him with all sorts of intimate and unsettling questions. Questions he can’t risk answering.

Together with Niels’ friend and bodyguard Mikhandor and Bel’s protector Leks they set out on a quest to confront the mad king and deal with the attempts on Niels’ life. But Bel has a dark secret of her own. A secret that could endanger their entire mission.

Will Niels be able to dispel night’s reign and reverse the curse?
« Last Edit: October 14, 2021, 10:46:27 PM by Dansinger »
Daan Katz, Author - Where the Magic Happens
The Elven Curse - Kings, priests, elves, and a woman in a wheelchair