Author Topic: For those wo recall the 'good old days' at MWC...  (Read 99 times)


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For those wo recall the 'good old days' at MWC...
« on: April 03, 2021, 01:05:04 PM »
One of the benefits of the near computer disaster a few weeks ago is that when I ran the backups I found things I'd almost forgotten.  Some of it wouldn't be a great loss, but some is fun to remember.

If you're an old hand with time to kill...  A look back at the LSS Roma  Literary Loony Ship


          For what is - somewhat to my surprise - my 2000th post to this newsgroup I thought I'd do something to mark the occasion.  This evening - for one evening only and despite the fact I may not even be there in person - I have stuck enough money behind the counter at the MWC Bar for everyone who wishes to have a virtual drink.

          This uncustomary largesse is a strictly limited opportunity, so make the most of it.

          (Why not drop in and see what some of the other members look like with their guard down... See the mighty moderators letting their hair down...

          Cathy dancing on the bar in her green hat ;-)

          Carrie sleeping under the pool table with her arms affectionately clasped around a small cask of Brandy.

          But that's a mere trifle, just the late evening/early morning entertainment.

          Right now I'm really (literally) pushing the boat out

          Today, despite the weather - and at any time during the next 24 hours due to the vagaries of time zones and whenever you happen to log-on - Gyppo Enterprises will be offering trips around the bay on the LLS (Literary Loony Ship) Roma.  Whether this be the Bay of Biscay, Stokes Bay, Robin Hood's Bay near Scarborough, or even the Bay of Pigs is still uncertain.  The only certainty is that it will not be E-Bay, although plunder from the cruise may almost certainly appear there later.

          Our sturdy vessel will be sploshing her way around the coast, occasionally sailing well inland to pick up passengers where flooding permits.  So pack up your troubles, grab your Laptop, pen and paper, and oilskins, and come aboard.

          Those of you who feel skinning 'some poor innocent little oil' is somehow unkind are probably of the younger generation and don't have a bloody clue what I'm talking about.  So you can just bring your 'breathable' Goretex and Kevlar wet gear from Paramo or whoever and hope it doesn't suffocate.

          The LLS Roma was originally a three masted ship, but now only has two since the predictably named 'mizzen' went missin' whilst tied up alongside in Gosport for an ill-advised overnight stop.  No doubt one of the denizens (sorry, citizens') is, even as you read this, painting it white and stringing it with coloured lights in a pathetic attempt to emulate the lofty and elegant Spinnaker Tower a few hundred yards away across the mighty 'ravel of waters' which serves as a vital 'no go' zone between them and neighbouring Portsmouth.

          In honour of the occasion 'Jolly Roger' will be flapping wildly in the wind at the top of the mainmast.  No, not the skull and crossbones flag of that name, but a genuine screaming and terrified person of the same name.

          Roger is the normally unflappable and generally competent Bosun of the LLS Roma, but, having imbibed to excess of Woods Navy Rum last night during a sudden fit of dread at playing host to so many 'literary types', he has now gone up in the world.  (And he can damned well stay up there until he sobers up enough to once more be a useful member of the ship's company.)

          Speaking of the Ship's Company (Gyppo Enterprises Unlimited) employees of the said business will wander amongst the passengers selling various trinkets such as hand-carved wooden clothespegs, sprigs of Lucky Heather (named after a girl called Heather who had the foresight to say 'No!' to Gyppo many years ago), autographed e-books on CD, and life jackets.  Not that there is any need for the latter, as the world famous 'Fiona's Cat' has volunteered to act as Forward Lookout and ensure we don't hit anything more solid than sparkling sea spray and the Will o' The Wisp threads of crazy dreams and Wishful Thinking.

          Before we depart step briefly into the Captain's Cabin and gaze in wonder and awe at the magnificent hand-drawn charts which have been unrolled and consulted...

          The Channel of Inspiration beckons, sailing between the threatening Vortex of Verbosity, and the black rocks of Stark Reportage.  Around the edges of 'Ye Knowne Worde' are artistic imaginings and warnings doodled by laudanum crazed cartographers filling in time between inking a scant few useful lines and time to go home.  For the brave crew about to depart on what future historians may well document as Gullibles Travails these warnings may mean something...

          'Here Be Meta-Phores!'

          'The Dark 'C' of Spellinge!'

          'Ye Straits of Grammar!"

          "Ye Straights of Dire!"

          "The Depths of Dissatisfaction!"

          "Ye (Northwest) Purple Passage!"

          "The Long Lost Podes."

          "The Kraken of Kharacter Kreation!"

          "The Eddies of Editing!"

          "The Abyss of Adverbial Additions!"

          "Ye Stagant Pool of Past Participles."

          The LLS Roma is due to sail shortly, but there is one small item of kit still lacking.  On these occasions it is traditional to fly a pennant from the foremast, but as the LLS Roma has such strong linguistic and lexicographic connections something just a little bit more special than a mere pennant is called for.
          Yes, we need a Pedant.  A robust red-handed creativity-stifling Pedant, firmly nailed to the masthead to complete the package.

          Any volunteers?