Author Topic: The truth about women  (Read 1519 times)

Mark Hoffmann

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The truth about women
« on: February 28, 2021, 03:14:34 PM »
The truth about women
and cake

Day 1

On my haunches
I peer into the murky depths
of the ingredients cupboard
searching.

Ah there, at the back
behind the treacle,
an unopened pack of pistachios.

"What are you doing?"

I stand
toss the nuts in the air
and catch:
"I'm baking orange
     pistachio and cranberry
muffins."

Scowl
"What about my diet?"

Shrug
"You are not obliged to eat them."

Wail. Huff. Sad face.
"But I won't be able to stop myself.
Please,
please don't bake muffins.
I beg you."

Day 2

Hopeful face
"Are you baking any cakes today?"

"Nope.
I'm listening to jazz
     and playing chess.
Anyway … your diet?"

"But, I need cake.
If I don't have cake, I'll probably
die."

Shrug
I wanted muffins anyway so why not.
I bake twelve.
Cool them on the rack.
Freeze ten.

Munch. Slurp. Munch. Happy face.
"These are delicious. I may be forced
to have a second one."

I had no idea I'd end the day
as a tactful Mr Bumble.
"Sorry, you can't
I've frozen the rest."

Glower.
"You heartless bastard."
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590

DGSquared

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Re: The truth about women
« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2021, 10:28:27 AM »
I don't know how I missed this but it is delightful, Mark. Thanks for sharing. :)

I laughed. Maybe because I ate a forbidden brownie earlier. (guilty face) :-X :-[ :) :D :( :( ;)
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." -Groucho Marx

A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark. -Chinese proverb

Blondesplosion! ~Deb

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: The truth about women
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2021, 06:25:03 AM »
Thanks, Deb.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
US - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087ZN6L6V

FB Author Page - https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Hoffmann-Writer-102573844786590