Author Topic: The truth about women  (Read 394 times)

Mark Hoffmann

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The truth about women
« on: February 28, 2021, 03:14:34 PM »
The truth about women
and cake

Day 1

On my haunches
I peer into the murky depths
of the ingredients cupboard
searching.

Ah there, at the back
behind the treacle,
an unopened pack of pistachios.

"What are you doing?"

I stand
toss the nuts in the air
and catch:
"I'm baking orange
     pistachio and cranberry
muffins."

Scowl
"What about my diet?"

Shrug
"You are not obliged to eat them."

Wail. Huff. Sad face.
"But I won't be able to stop myself.
Please,
please don't bake muffins.
I beg you."

Day 2

Hopeful face
"Are you baking any cakes today?"

"Nope.
I'm listening to jazz
     and playing chess.
Anyway … your diet?"

"But, I need cake.
If I don't have cake, I'll probably
die."

Shrug
I wanted muffins anyway so why not.
I bake twelve.
Cool them on the rack.
Freeze ten.

Munch. Slurp. Munch. Happy face.
"These are delicious. I may be forced
to have a second one."

I had no idea I'd end the day
as a tactful Mr Bumble.
"Sorry, you can't
I've frozen the rest."

Glower.
"You heartless bastard."
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
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