Author Topic: Your favourite news headline of the day  (Read 35846 times)

Gyppo

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #495 on: January 26, 2022, 03:41:36 PM »
Man with knife dies.

The headline in itself isn't that strange.  After all, we all die eventually.  But, the story lies in the first paragraph.

'A man stopped carrying a 30cm kitchen knife at a Southampton station will face no further action after dying.'

He pleaded guilty at a previous court hearing, but 'will face no further action for the offence because he has been listed as deceased'.

No shit, Sherlock ;-)

I suppose if the local paper was a tabloid it would have been 'Knife man escapes the law'.

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #496 on: January 27, 2022, 07:46:10 AM »
You could weave an interesting narrative out of that. Perhaps he died because he didn't have his knife with him. But why?
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #497 on: January 27, 2022, 08:10:36 AM »
Australia scientists find 'spooky' spinning object in Milky Way

Quote
Australian scientists say they have discovered an unknown spinning object in the Milky Way that they claim is unlike anything seen before.

The object - first discovered by a university student - has been observed to release a huge burst of radio energy for a full minute every 18 minutes.

Objects that pulse energy in the universe are often documented. But researchers say something that turns on for a minute is highly unusual.

Are they claiming that it is the 1-minute pulse that makes it so unlikely? If so, I wonder how they have ruled out coincidence. With many pulsing objects in the universe, one of them probably is going to pulse at that rate.

On the other hand ... they may have discovered God's clock.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

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Gyppo

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #498 on: January 27, 2022, 10:58:24 AM »
Or a countdown timer for a second Big Bang.

Perhaps it's a kitchen timer, and when it rings the experiment called Earth is ready to be taken out of the oven.  Terry Pratchett, who wrote eloquently of The Trousers of Time,  and the subtle differences if you ventured down the 'wrong leg' would have probably revelled in the concept of The Oven Glove of Destiny.

Gyppo
« Last Edit: January 27, 2022, 04:35:04 PM by Gyppo »

Spell Chick

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #499 on: January 27, 2022, 02:35:53 PM »
Man with knife dies.

The headline in itself isn't that strange.  After all, we all die eventually.  But, the story lies in the first paragraph.

'A man stopped carrying a 30cm kitchen knife at a Southampton station will face no further action after dying.'

He pleaded guilty at a previous court hearing, but 'will face no further action for the offence because he has been listed as deceased'.

No shit, Sherlock ;-)

I suppose if the local paper was a tabloid it would have been 'Knife man escapes the law'.

The way that read to me: A man quite carrying a 30cm kitchen knife at a Southampton station
I figured without his defensive weapon, some asshat killed him. But apparently that was a misinterpretation on my part.
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Spell Chick

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #500 on: January 27, 2022, 02:38:45 PM »
I am unhappy with the usurpation of the words "spooky" and "mysterious" as they are clickbait words. What is unknown is probably far greater than what is actually known. So a new discovery need not be spooky, unless you are desperate for someone to click on your link.
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #501 on: February 04, 2022, 07:22:45 AM »
Wordle code could be copied to play for seven years

WTF.

The copying bit, I get. As it is a client-side app, the source is available to anyone. But where does the "7 years" come from? My best guess is that the "source" said several years and some dimwit wrote down seven.

M

EDIT: The article fails to explain the 7 years, but I guess the app could have preselected the words for the next 7 years to avoid duplication and also ensure all users get the same word without having to store it on a server.  :-\ If so the script would need to be refreshed at some point before it ran out of daily words.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2022, 09:22:37 AM by Mark Hoffmann »
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #502 on: February 10, 2022, 02:13:21 PM »
Tourist reunited with false teeth lost 11 years ago

Quote
A holidaymaker who lost his false teeth while vomiting into a bin in Benidorm was stunned when they turned up in the post 11 years on.

After the dentures were found in landfill, Spanish authorities used UK DNA records to identify the owner.

This raises so many unanswered questions.


Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

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Spell Chick

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #503 on: February 11, 2022, 01:15:08 PM »
That would be the best present ever. Dentures found in a landfill and returned. Just amazing.

Why are the Spanish digging thru 11 year old detritus. That's just amazing. That guy who lost his Bitcoin hard drive needs to find these people.
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Gyppo

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #504 on: February 11, 2022, 01:18:40 PM »
I have to assume the man was either a crook, a policeman, or a member of the armed forces.  Three groups who are likely to have their DNA profile on a official database.


Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #505 on: February 25, 2022, 08:15:35 AM »
Let's just forget the headline for a minute. What's with the atire obsession?

From the BBC's Russian correspondent.

Quote
When two young well-dressed men stop to chat to the BBC ...

A man in a bright blue coat looks miserable ...

Away from the protest, a man in a pale blue and navy coat ...

A man in a baseball cap talks about ...

But

Quote
One women is not certain what to make of the news ...

I guess the journo didn't bother noting what she was wearing because she was so uncertain. And yes, he did say "one women." Perhaps she had a doppelganger.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

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Jo Bannister

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #506 on: February 25, 2022, 10:33:19 AM »
Let me get this right, Mark.  You've been following to the BBC's Russia correspondent - and you're worried about his description of people's appearance?  He's just trying to differentiate one from another at a time when people probably don't want to give their names.  Never mind, it won't be long before all of them, on both sides, will mainly be wearing blood, and there'll be no way to tell them apart.

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Your favourite news headline of the day
« Reply #507 on: February 26, 2022, 10:02:44 AM »
I thought it might be a deliberate false clue. When Putin's thugs come calling the bloke can say: It wasn't me, gov! I wouldn't be seen dead in a pale blue and navy coat.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
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