Your favourite news headline of the day

[Jo Bannister]

Makes you wonder what the birds' previous soup was. 

[Mark Hoffmann]

Hundreds gather in Madrid for anti-mask protest

"See! We are not the only knob heads," America says.

I liked that on the accompanying photo some of the protestors were wearing masks. What's that about? I'm anti-mask in principle, but not taking any chances in practice.

[Spell Chick]

Also in America, we always have thousands gathering for any stupid thing we can think of.

[Jo Bannister]

Except, of course, a presidential inauguration...

[Mark Hoffmann]

Australia surfer saves wife by punching shark

This fella paddled over and jumped off his board on to the shark and hit it to get it to release her and then assisted her back into the beach.

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label.

[Gyppo]

I bet he drinks Carling Black Label.

Or wears original Old Spice aftershave.  I wonder if the original Old Spice surfer dude is still alive.

[Spell Chick]

Really, those Aussies are just used to the entire natural world trying to kill them off.

[Mark Hoffmann]

Japanese airline trials germ-busting elbow doorknob

But what if God's next plague is transmitted via the elbow? You know how he works. Every time we figure out how to fix one of his diseases he dreams up a new one. I for one will not be at all surprised if 2021 is the year of Japanese Elbow Rot.

[Mark Hoffmann]

Housing crisis looming 'on Monday'

This seems worryingly specific.

[Gyppo]

It does, doesn't it?

We can probably assume that they, whoever they are, knew about it on Friday but had no intention of working through the weekend.

[Mark Hoffmann]

Elvis Presley festival silenced by coronavirus

Seaside town's annual festival starring 100 impersonators is cancelled due to Covid-19 restrictions.

When will this nightmare end?

[Jo Bannister]

Quite.

Another one from the (Irish) archives, over a hundred years old but equally appropriate today:

No one from Ballyachnaslottery on the 'Titanic'

[Spell Chick]

Maybe it's like a redesign of a website and they are rolling out on Monday because that's a poopy day to start with.

[Mark Hoffmann]

Elephant shrew rediscovered in Africa after 50 years

Where had he been hiding?

[Spell Chick]

Is this a large shrew or a small elephant that went missing?