Author Topic: A sex scene which isn't. May amuse. Comments welcome but not essential.  (Read 828 times)

Gyppo

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This is part of a much longer piece.  Here's just a few bits of background.  Amber and Rik are old hippies, in their fifties now.  They knew each other thirty years earlier and have very recently met up again on the craft fair circuit.

Amethyst (Ammi) is Amber's daughter.  Danielle is Rik's half-sister.  A business partner.

=====

        By evening I was shattered.  It was a long working day on top of an almost sleepless night.  We arrived at Amber's van and found her half dozing by a small but hot fire topped with a big bubbling pan of 'traveller stew'.

        "Looks like Rik really took it out of you last night."  Danielle teased gently.

        Amber stretched luxuriously for a few seconds, like a cat, and then sat up cross-legged and gave the stew a stir.  "It's  not the taking out that makes you tired...  Anyway, Rik looks far more knackered than me."  For a few seconds her odd blue and brown eyes locked with mine and I felt her probing beneath the surface.  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I left myself open to her.

        "You'll need a re-charge later."  It was neither question or command, just an offer she didn't expect me turn down.  "Is it okay if Ammi watches?  I'm training her up."

        Danielle raised her eyebrows but said nothing, and when Amethyst arrived a few minutes later we were all ready to eat.  Traveller stew is either fantastic or bloody awful, and in the best part of thirty years Amber had lost none of her touch.  The smell of woodsmoke added a little something and once again those memories flooded back, reminding me of my secluded camp along the Cornish coastline where I first discovered what Amber meant by a re-charge.

        Later, as darkness fell but the warmth was still in the ground, Amber offered me the choice of privacy in her van or 'doing it properly on The Earth'.  Danielle's eyebrows twitched again, and she looked as if she was about to leave, but Amber reassured her.

        "Don't worry, Dan.  It's nothing to do with sex...  Well, not bouncing around and making a fuss sex anyway.  More about channeling energies and stuff like that.  You can leave if it makes you uncomfortable though.  Like the way some people get twitchy when you're reading palms, I bet."

        Danielle nodded as Amber turned to me.  "So you'd best keep your damned trousers on this time.  Don't want to upset your sister..."

        I slipped off my shirt, loosened my belt, and lay face down on the grass, head pillowed on both arms.

        The massage which followed was largely based on shiatsu and accupressure - what the ignorant often refer to as acupuncture without needles.  After a few long and slow exploratory sweeps with flat palms, during which I could feel her ticking off a mental checklist as she found pockets of tension or strain, Amber set to work.  Most of the tension was diffused gently, but every now and then a particularly knotted collection of nerves required more insistent treatment.

        "You've still got that tight knot below your left shoulder blade..."  Amber said reproachfully.  "Didn't you ever get it seen to properly?  I can still feel that bit of broken bone there, moving around."  She pressed a little harder and it was like a tiny firework going off in my back, tingles racing in all directions.  Not painful, but damned uncomfortable.

        "Do you mind if Ammi has a feel there?"

        "So I get used for practice, do I?"

        "Only if you say yes."

        "Okay."

        Amber's palms, warm and tingling with her own inner energy, pressed flat against my back above and below the site of the old injury and I sensed Amethyst kneeling up on the other side of me.

        Compared to her Mum her fingers were cool and curious, not warm and knowing.  Amber felt as if she was inside me when she touched, which in a strange way she was, following lines of energy which look stupid when you see them in a drawing but make perfect sense when you're working with a receptive partner.

        Amethyst's touch was all surface as she gently probed and I could feel the little nub of broken bone rolling around under my skin.

        "How does it feel, Ammi?"  Amber asked.

        "Like a spiky triangle."

        "Anything else?  Move it around a bit."

        Amber's warm palms drew my skin tighter as Amethyst's cool fingers probed and then I felt her freeze and draw back a little as the connection was made.

        "Steady, Ammi.  Steady..."  Amber's voice was calming, reassuring.

        "It's hot, and red, and... angry?"

        And from my viewpoint Amethyst's fingers were no longer cool.  They were warm and felt as if they were under my skin, penetrating deep into the muscle layers.

        "Good girl.  Now put your other hand here... like so."  Amethyst's other hand, still cool, was positioned by Amber.

        "Still okay, Rik?"

        "Yes..."  I wasn't too sure.  I had no problems with Amber getting inside my aura to work her 'energy magic' but Amethyst was a near stranger who had found me with my guard down and much to my embarrassment the whole thing was becoming a little too sexual for comfort.  It was just as well I was laying face down.

        I felt a surge of sympathy from Amber, who seemed to know exactly how I was feeling.  "It's just your senses getting crossed, Rik.  Nearly done now."

        "And now, Ammi, if you can feel it that well, do the other thing I've been teaching you."

        Amethyst's fingers, the ones I could feel inside me whatever common sense said to the contrary, closed gently around the angry red knot and took a firm grip.  She pressed down with her other hand and slowly pulled the tangle from my back.  Well, that's what it felt like.  It resisted and then, with a snap like an elastic band breaking, her fingers were free of my body and I jerked convulsively as the body energies flowed freely again now the obstruction was removed.

        Amber's palms were massaging my back in long gentle strokes, pressing me closer to the ground and realigning things which had been jumbled and tangled for a long time.

        "Shake it off, Ammi.  Now."  Her voice was still gentle but insistent.  I knew Amethyst would be doing the healer's shake, but I could sense a growing confusion alongside me.  I turned my head to one side, earning a growl of disapproval from Amber, and saw Amethyst looking on the verge of panic.

        "It won't go..." she whispered, eyes widening.

        "Into the ground then.  The Earth can take it."

        Amber was still massaging my back but all her attention was on her daughter.

        Amethyst knelt forwards, pressed her hands flat onto the ground, and her whole body jerked.  Her fingers closed into fists around two handfuls of grass and in my heightened state of awareness I could hear the grass stems and roots being torn by the fierceness of her grip.  She trembled like a leaf, arms shaking, and then with a final shudder she was still.

        Amber's quandary was obvious.  I could feel her need.  Leaving one of her special massages unfinished would leave both of us strung out and disassociated for a while, but her needs as a mother were pushing her to help Amethyst.  I decided to help.

        "Go to her, Amber.  We'll see you tomorrow." 

        And instead of the correct leisurely wind-down and slow breaking of the connection Amber just let go of me, put an arm around her daughter, and helped her to her feet.  Guiding her hesitant steps into the van she called back over her shoulder.

        "Sorry, Rik.  We'll have to sort each other out later."  Then the door closed.

        Still twitching a bit myself I rolled over, found my shirt, banked up the fire so it would be safe overnight but ready to cook breakfast, and then walked back to our own van with Danielle.

        I sat on the step outside whilst she got into her own bunk and then followed her in.

        "That was some weird Hippy stuff, Rik.  What was happening?"

        I tried to explain, and felt I half succeeded.  Half an hour later she was asleep.  I lay awake, confused and twitchy.  Around midnight there was a gentle tapping at the door and a whispered "Rik?"

        "Okay."  I slipped into jeans and shirt and padded barefoot to the door, stepping quietly outside to where Amber waited in the shadows, an inky black contrast to the full moon shining down.  I snecked the door quietly behind me.

        "Is Amethyst alright?"

        "Fine now.  Sleeping like a baby.  Took me a while to sort her out though.  That shoulder of yours really freaked her.  How long is it since you last had it treated?"

        "Too long..."

        "How long...?"
       
        "Eight years at least, probably nearer ten."

        "Bloody fool.  I wouldn't have let her try her skill if I'd known there was that much bad energy knotted there."

        "Sorry."

        "It's okay now, but I'm too damn drained to sort you out properly.  Wouldn't help either of us in my state.  I've got about as much psychic energy as a damp dish-rag after sorting Ammi."

        She looked at me but her gaze was unfocused and I knew she was only seeing on the everyday physical plane.

        "How are you?"  She asked.

        "Wired.  Knackered, but too wired to sleep."

        "Okay...  Let's take a walk."

===

Short-Cross

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Hi Gyppo

Almost two weeks and not a single comment! What's happened to this place?

I enjoyed the snippet. It reads smoothly and didn't trip me up at any point. Although, having said that, the similarity of the names got a bit confusing at times, (Ammi/Amber/Amethyst), which seemed to produce an unnecessary obstacle for the reader.

My only real criticism is that you could chop a fair amount out of this and not lose any of the story or sentiment. I've had a first pass at crossing stuff out, but I'm pretty sure much more could go without causing harm.

All told though, it was a nicely written piece.

Shorty

This is part of a much longer piece.  Here's just a few bits of background.  Amber and Rik are old hippies, in their fifties now.  They knew each other thirty years earlier and have very recently met up again on the craft fair circuit.

Amethyst (Ammi) is Amber's daughter.  Danielle is Rik's half-sister.  A business partner.

=====

        By evening I was shattered.  It was a long working day on top of an almost sleepless night.  We arrived at Amber's van and found her half dozing by a small but hot fire topped with a big bubbling pan of 'traveller stew'.

        "Looks like Rik really took it out of you last night."  Danielle teased gently.

        Amber stretched luxuriously for a few seconds, like a cat, and then sat up cross-legged and gave the stew a stir.  "It's  not the taking out that makes you tired...  Anyway, Rik looks far more knackered than me."  For a few seconds her odd blue and brown eyes locked with mine and I felt her probing beneath the surface.  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I left myself open to her.

        "You'll need a re-charge later."  It was neither question or command, just an offer she didn't expect me <to> turn down.  "Is it okay if Ammi watches?  I'm training her up."

        Danielle raised her eyebrows but said nothing, and when Amethyst arrived a few minutes later we were all ready to eat.  Traveller stew is either fantastic or bloody awful, and in the best part of thirty years <comma> Amber had lost none of her touch.  The smell of woodsmoke added a little something<-vague and once again those memories flooded back, reminding me of my secluded camp along the Cornish coastline where I first discovered what Amber meant by a re-charge.

        Later, as darkness fell but the warmth was still in the ground, Amber offered me the choice of privacy in her van or 'doing it properly on The Earth'.  Danielle's eyebrows twitched again, and she looked as if she was about to leave, but Amber reassured her.

        "Don't worry, Dan.  It's nothing to do with sex...  Well, not bouncing around and making a fuss sex anyway.  More about channeling energies and stuff like that.  You can leave if it makes you uncomfortable though.  Like the way some people get twitchy when you're reading palms, I bet."

        Danielle nodded as Amber turned to me.  "So you'd best keep your damned trousers on this time.  Don't want to upset your sister..."

        I slipped off my shirt, loosened my belt, and lay face down on the grass, head pillowed on both arms.

        The massage which followed was largely based on shiatsu and accupressure - what the ignorant often refer to as acupuncture without needles.  After a few long and slow exploratory sweeps with flat palms, during which I could feel her ticking off a mental checklist as she found pockets of tension or strain, Amber set to work.  Most of the tension was diffused gently, but every now and then a particularly knotted collection of nerves required more insistent treatment.

        "You've still got that tight knot below your left shoulder blade..."  Amber said reproachfully.  "Didn't you ever get it seen to properly?  I can still feel that bit of broken bone there, moving around."  She pressed a little harder and it was like a tiny firework going off in my back, tingles racing in all directions.  Not painful, but damned uncomfortable.

        "Do you mind if Ammi has a feel there?"

        "So I get used for practice, do I?"

        "Only if you say yes."

        "Okay."

        Amber's palms, warm and tingling with her own inner energy, pressed flat against my back above and below the site of the old injury and I sensed Amethyst kneeling up on the other side of me.

        Compared to her Mum <-lowercase her fingers were cool and curious, not warm and knowing.  Amber felt as if she was inside me when she touched, which in a strange way she was, following lines of energy which look stupid when you see them in a drawing but make perfect sense when you're working with a receptive partner.

        Amethyst's touch was all surface as she gently probed and I could feel the little nub of broken bone rolling around under my skin.

        "How does it feel, Ammi?"  Amber asked.

        "Like a spiky triangle."

        "Anything else?  Move it around a bit."

        Amber's warm palms drew my skin tighter as Amethyst's cool fingers probed and then I felt her freeze and draw back a little as the connection was made.

        "Steady, Ammi.  Steady..."  Amber's voice was calming, reassuring.

        "It's hot, and red, and... angry?"

        And from my viewpoint Amethyst's fingers were no longer cool.  They were warm and felt as if they were under my skin, penetrating deep into the muscle layers.

        "Good girl.  Now put your other hand here... like so."  Amethyst's other hand, still cool, was positioned by Amber.

        "Still okay, Rik?"

        "Yes..."  I wasn't too sure.  I had no problems with Amber getting inside my aura to work her 'energy magic' but Amethyst was a near stranger who had found me with my guard down and much to my embarrassment the whole thing was becoming a little too sexual for comfort.  It was just as well I was laying face down.

        I felt a surge of sympathy from Amber, who seemed to know exactly how I was feeling.  "It's just your senses getting crossed, Rik.  Nearly done now."

        "And now, Ammi, if you can feel it that well, do the other thing I've been teaching you."

        Amethyst's fingers, the ones I could feel inside me whatever common sense said to the contrary, closed gently around the angry red knot and took a firm grip.  She pressed down with her other hand and slowly pulled the tangle from my back.  Well, that's what it felt like.  It resisted and then, with a snap like an elastic band breaking, her fingers were free of my body and I jerked convulsively as the body energies flowed freely again now the obstruction was removed.

        Amber's palms were massaging my back in long gentle strokes, pressing me closer to the ground and realigning things which had been jumbled and tangled for a long time.

        "Shake it off, Ammi.  Now."  Her voice was still gentle but insistent.  I knew Amethyst would be doing the healer's shake, but I could sense a growing confusion alongside me.  I turned my head to one side, earning a growl of disapproval from Amber, and saw Amethyst looking on the verge of panic.

        "It won't go..." she whispered, eyes widening.

        "Into the ground then.  The Earth can take it."

        Amber was still massaging my back but all her attention was on her daughter.

        Amethyst knelt forwards, pressed her hands flat onto the ground, and her whole body jerked.  Her fingers closed into fists around two handfuls of grass and in my heightened state of awareness I could hear the grass stems and roots being torn by the fierceness of her grip.  She trembled like a leaf <-cliche, arms shaking, and then with a final shudder she was still.

        Amber's quandary was obvious.  I could feel her need.  Leaving one of her special massages unfinished would leave both of us strung out and disassociated for a while, but her needs as a mother were pushing her to help Amethyst.  I decided to help.

        "Go to her, Amber.  We'll see you tomorrow." 

        And instead of the correct leisurely wind-down and slow breaking of the connection <comma> Amber just let go of me, put an arm around her daughter, and helped her to her feet.  Guiding her hesitant steps into the van she called back over her shoulder.

        "Sorry, Rik.  We'll have to sort each other out later."  Then the door closed.

        Still twitching a bit myself I rolled over, found my shirt, banked up the fire so it would be safe overnight but ready to cook breakfast, and then walked back to our own van with Danielle.

        I sat on the step outside whilst she got into her own bunk and then followed her in.

        "That was some weird Hippy stuff, Rik.  What was happening?"

        I tried to explain, and felt I half succeeded.  Half an hour later she was asleep.  I lay awake, confused and twitchy<-you've already used this once.  Around midnight there was a gentle tapping at the door and a whispered "Rik?"

        "Okay."  I slipped into jeans and shirt and padded barefoot to the door, stepping quietly outside to where Amber waited in the shadows, an inky black contrast to the full moon shining down<-I cant work this out. Contrasted to the shadows thrown by the moonlight do you mean? Rather than contrast to the moon.  I snecked <-? the door quietly behind me.

        "Is Amethyst alright?"<-all right?

        "Fine now.  Sleeping like a baby.  Took me a while to sort her out though.  That shoulder of yours really freaked her.  How long is it since you last had it treated?"

        "Too long..."

        "How long...?"
       
        "Eight years at least, probably nearer ten."

        "Bloody fool.  I wouldn't have let her try her skill if I'd known there was that much bad energy knotted there."

        "Sorry."

        "It's okay now, but I'm too damn drained to sort you out properly.  Wouldn't help either of us in my state.  I've got about as much psychic energy as a damp dish-rag after sorting Ammi."

        She looked at me but her gaze was unfocused and I knew she was only seeing on the everyday physical plane.

        "How are you?"  She asked.

        "Wired.  Knackered, but too wired to sleep."

        "Okay...  Let's take a walk."

===

Gyppo

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Hi Gyppo

Almost two weeks and not a single comment! What's happened to this place?

I enjoyed the snippet. It reads smoothly and didn't trip me up at any point. Although, having said that, the similarity of the names got a bit confusing at times, (Ammi/Amber/Amethyst), which seemed to produce an unnecessary obstacle for the reader.

My only real criticism is that you could chop a fair amount out of this and not lose any of the story or sentiment. I've had a first pass at crossing stuff out, but I'm pretty sure much more could go without causing harm.

All told though, it was a nicely written piece.

Shorty

Thanks.

Nothing there that I wouldn't agree with.  The similar name thing is something I always spot in other people's work.  Especially when it's three names for two people ;-)  Amethyst's father is a jeweller, and her mum (Amber) runs a Crystal Store.  Hippy names, hippy logic.  All this gets explained in an earlier part, which I didn't share.  Ammi is just a natural shortening.  Just as Danielle became Dan.

But if I go ahead with the whole thing (a slow burning novel I work on from time to time) maybe she'll just be Ammi, with her 'Sunday name' just mentioned once earlier on.

I agree on the word count.  I'm much more struct with myself when writing shorts.  I definitely approach them with a different mindset.

As for what's happened to this place...  Everyone's out hunting toilet rolls, or bread.  Or eggs.  I've not seen an egg in the local shop for at least three weeks now.  But I'm sure the hens are still laying them.

Thanks again.  Much appreciated.

Best wishes,