Is this tense consistent?

[Short-Cross]

Hello there. I can't decide if the tense in this paragraph is consistent or not. I must have wrangled it a thousand times - it's the shift from 'woken' to 'wake' I think. Or is it OK?

"In the eleven months since the death of his wife, Marcus Hartley had woken each morning on soaked pillows and tightly swaddled in his bed linen. He would wake in a state of panic, as though he had neglected some vital task, and for several minutes he would stare into the darkness, pulse thumping in his ears, trying to remember what he’d forgotten."


Thanks for any help!

[Mark Hoffmann]

Seems fine to me.

[Short-Cross]

Thanks Mark!

[Jo Bannister]

Yes, it's fine.  I think you've just been looking at it for too long.  (In a perfect world, though, you might find a different verb for one of the sentences.  It's a little repetitive.)

[rewh2oman]

I agree with previous advice.

Also, you might consider changing

from "Marcus Hartley had woken each morning"
to "Marcus Hartley woke up each morning"

[Gyppo]

You could tweak this until the cows come home, but there's nothing there to really make a reader stumble and not reach the next paragraph.  That's the enemy to avoid.  It's very easy to overthink things at times ;-)

If you feel the need to carry on torturing yourself, here's a small variation which simply avoids the woken/wake double.  Nearly all your own words, just smoothed out a little.

"In the eleven months since the death of his wife, Marcus Hartley had woken each morning on soaked pillows and tightly swaddled in his bed linen.  In a total panic, as though he had neglected some vital task.  For several minutes he would stare into the darkness, pulse thumping in his ears, trying to remember what he’d forgotten."

Gyppo

[Short-Cross]

That's miles better - thanks Gyppo (and everyone else)