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My back cover blurb

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Mark Hoffmann:
I'd be grateful for any comments.

Title: The severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich

Blurb:

NEW CUTDOWN VERSION 151 WORDS

Who murdered Oliver Olivovich? And why did they hack off his hands and stuff them in his anorak pockets? Sir Septimus Farquhar-Urquhart, equerry to His Bucolic Majesty, King Herman the Sixteenth, is in the village of Backwater, to answer these, and other, questions. Questions such as: Why are there alligators in the village pond? And, where have all the ducks gone?

Sir Septimus and his trusty wombat soon find that the investigation has more twists than a human bowel. Can they solve the mystery and avert a catastrophic geopolitical incident? Or will they be thwarted by Sir Septimus's arch-nemesis Johnny Toobad, an all-round bad-egg?

The village of Backwater has more questions than answers. How many children's fingers can one seagull eat? Why is there a Mungo hiding in the bushes? How did reality-traveller Sid get the job as Toobad's Head Bitch? These are all questions; of that we can be certain.

ORIGINAL

Who murdered Oliver Olivovich? And why did they hack off his hands and stuff them in his anorak pockets? Sir Septimus Farquhar-Urquhart, equerry to His Bucolic Majesty, King Herman the Sixteenth, is in the village of Backwater, Gross Bucolica, to answer these, and other, questions. Questions such as: Why are there alligators in the village pond? And, where have all the ducks gone? And, of course, are these things connected?

Sir Septimus is aided in his investigations by Bernard, his trusty wombat-cum-aide de comp, and Agent Guido, who has with him a magic rucksack, issued by inventor and intelligence boffin Q (the man who invented standing in line.) Seconded to the team is Agent Tulip of the Mercan Intelligence Agency, sent to assist by none other than Mercan President, Randy Wiggins, a close friend and chess buddy of the handless victim.

Can the team solve the mystery and avert a catastrophic geopolitical incident? Or will they be thwarted by Sir Septimus's arch-nemesis disgraced Gross Bucolican, diplomat, Johnny Toobad, Prefect of Backwater, and all-round bad-egg?

The village of Backwater has more questions than answers. How many children's fingers can one seagull eat? Why has the sheriff of Backwater not changed his shorts in over twenty years? How did reality-traveller Sid get the job as Toobad's Head Bitch? These are all questions; of that we can be certain.

Jo Bannister:
Mark, I'm concerned to admit that I think it's very funny.  It'll appeal to people like us: I'm not sure about normal people.

I do think it's probably too long.  My publishers are always looking for about 150 words - and usually settle for a bit more.  But I would pare this back, including some of the secondary characters.  Don't risk over-kill.

Mark Hoffmann:
Thanks, Jo. Much appreciated.

I'll pare it back to 150 and see what that looks like.

Mark

Mark Hoffmann:
I've updated the first post with a shorter version.

M

Jo Bannister:
I think that's a big improvement.  Good luck with it, Mark.

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