Author Topic: Bad Thing/Good Thing  (Read 47666 times)

Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #540 on: January 16, 2021, 09:24:19 AM »
When they ran out of coffee some of the addicts started a riot. A man dressed as a buffalo said running out of coffee was unconstitutional and they should do something about.

But without any caffeine in their systems, they didn't have any energy and the riot soon petered out. Eventually, the decided the best thing to do was have a nap.
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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #541 on: January 16, 2021, 02:38:13 PM »
They, far too soon, woke from their naps.



But did so at different times and without their buddies to lend courage and testosterone, everyone finally just went home to wait for the police to come and arrest them for all their law breaking activities. The lawyers of the land were ecstatic. CLIENTS for all!!!
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Jo Bannister

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #542 on: January 17, 2021, 09:25:21 AM »
But that meant the lawyers all had work to do.  Golf clubs up and down the land began to close.

(Isn't someone else suppose to find a silver lining in this?  Well - apart from the obvious, that there were fewer golf clubs.)

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #543 on: January 17, 2021, 02:48:45 PM »
With fewer golf clubs open, people in funny clothes just stood in the front yards swinging sticks and cussing.



The neighborhood children got a boost in vocabulary.
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #544 on: January 19, 2021, 01:15:59 PM »
Not to be outdone by their stick-swinging neighbours non-golfers also took to the hobby like stoners to snacking. Soon dressing like a git and swinging a stick was the most popular pastime in the country and knocked masturbation off the top spot for the first time since the invention of the wrist support.

Why is that a bad thing you may wonder? Well with all the men git swinging (as it had become known) there was no one to take out the trash and soon there was trash all over the house.

The good news is that someone invented the Taking the Trash Out diet and women all over the land began carrying trash cans with one hand while measuring the circumstance of their thighs with the other.

Admittedly this is not phenomenally good news, but you must admit that getting the trash out of the house is quite good. Plus the men were left in peace to perfect their git swinging techniques. Soon even clumsy fools could git swing with aplomb.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #545 on: January 19, 2021, 03:08:44 PM »

The good news is that someone invented the Taking the Trash Out diet and women all over the land began carrying trash cans with one hand while measuring the circumstance of their thighs with the other.

Women with body issues have now learned that they must not only worry about thigh gap, but that their thighs actually have circumstances that need to be dealt with. Crushed and despondent, and now ignored even more thoroughly by their git swinging husbands, they are sobbed en masse and ruining their mascara.


Oh, circumference. Is that better? Well probably as long as the thigh gap remains visible. The women console each other and find out that git swinging husbands are really quite useless and they are better off without them.
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #546 on: January 19, 2021, 08:52:08 PM »
Soon there's a dishwasher tablet shortage. Everyone knows that women can only ever fit 2 teaspoons and a small saucer into a six-place dishwasher, so with no git swingers to load the dishwasher for them the women have the dishwasher on 24x7 and tablet supply is quickly diminished.

In an attempt to get the men back in the house doing chores, the wifies offer them anything they desire. Deal done, and man caves erected, everyone is happy again.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #547 on: January 20, 2021, 03:23:30 PM »
Except, of course, Loki. Loki is very unhappy. Loki like chaos and unhappiness. How is he to be happy if everyone else is?




But the gods of yesterday have been forgotten and we all live in harmony and peace without misogyny or rancor.
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #548 on: January 20, 2021, 04:41:40 PM »
Or we would, were it not for misandry.

But misandry is not really a thing; it's just something that some random bloke dreamt up to try and avoid doing any household chores. So peace and harmony edge back into the picture.

Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #549 on: January 23, 2021, 02:47:44 PM »
And now the edge of the picture is crooked. Crooked pictures are annoying at the very least. Unless, like some art museums, you hang a work of art upside down and then the crooked thing is not the worst thing. You are likely to really piss off some artist this way, however.




None of the observers can tell when some art is hung upside down.
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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #550 on: January 25, 2021, 02:39:30 PM »
Because we live in the style-over-substance-soundbite-gimmick-age the gallery with the upside-down picture installs a conveyor in the ceiling so visitors can be hung by the ankles and transported around the building like poultry in a slaughterhouse. This becomes a very popular attraction. Some big-breasted older women don't get to see much as there dangly bits droop down and cover the faces.

After some initial teething problems old women in skirts are banned. Yes, this is a good thing.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #551 on: January 25, 2021, 03:15:51 PM »
Women wearing skirts or dresses are so slighted they begin their own association where they meet and it disintegrates into a man bashing session time and again.



Soon the kilt wearing men are also kicked out of the museums and the two groups learn to get along famously, as we say when we aren't saying they soon are forking like bunnies.
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DGSquared

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #552 on: February 23, 2021, 07:03:57 AM »
This leads to a population surge, and that coupled with a climate crisis, is a conundrum for the world at large.


All countries decide to have a global contest to see who can produce the most energy per capita by using stationary bikes to produce power and on a grander scale,  move air currents. Some countries have added incentives to their populations to get people to eat less, spin more, and become healthier by offering cash to the most productive spinners. 


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Mark Hoffmann

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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #553 on: February 23, 2021, 11:51:37 AM »
With the vast majority of the world's population spinning on their stationary bikes, the Earth began to emit an annoying hum that infuriated the aliens living on Uranus. They (the aliens) had sworn not to interfere in the lives of the mostly harmless species they called Homo Drongo, but the humming really got on their tits (of which they had six per side - six front titties and six back titties) so action was required.

Thankfully the action the aliens decided on was to use earplugs. The humans continued to spin on in blissful ignorance.
Writing humour is the hardest thing since sliced bread.

The Severed Hands of Oliver Olivovich
UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087SLGLSL
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Re: Bad Thing/Good Thing
« Reply #554 on: February 23, 2021, 01:31:44 PM »
But no matter how much they spun, they did not generate enough electricity to power the world's cars.


So some genius noticed you could actually MOVE AROUND if they bikes were not stationary.
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